"...avoiding negative interactions.."

My uncle recently updated his status with this. I have a lot to say about it but my brain is sorta fried after a long day so I'll say it tomorrow but I wanted to copy and paste it her while I was thinking about it.


"Family
Recently, events in my life have caused me to reflect on what my family really means to me. 
I have a very diverse family that is hard to fit into a description, but the following characteristics qualify the membership.
1. We love one another, unconditionally, with a love that surpasses blood, sex or friendship.
2. We trust one another, unconditionally, with our children, our finances, our secrets, our dreams and goals, our bodies, our hearts and our lives.
3. We respect one another, unconditionally, although we don’t necessarily agree on everything.
4. We support one another, to the point that we would die for another.
5. We help one another in need, although “tough love” is what is necessary at times.
6. We encourage one another, avoiding negative interaction that may damage the family.
7. We honor one another, even in unspoken ways, and do not micro-manage or manipulate others.
8. We pray for one another.

We don’t have to see eye-to-eye on everything, including:
• Education
• Career
• Politics
• Religion
• Marriage
• Life Style
And we don’t put stipulations, in regards to these differences, to gain or maintain membership in the family…and we don’t revoke membership even though some family members may deny themselves the privileges of membership by refusing to allow the family to provide all eight qualifiers. Even if, by their actions, we are not allowed to trust, respect, support, help, encourage or honor a member, we can still love them and pray for them.

This is my family. Is this yours?
I thank God for mine."

My first problem is with the phrase 'qualify the membership'. UH, family is family. This isn't a club, no membership required. There are no 'qualifiers'. You just are. #6 is where I have a serious parting of the ways.."avoiding negative interaction that may damage the family". I'm gonna go ahead and call bullshit on that on SOO many levels. The key word that jumps out to me in that phrase is "avoid" because that's what they do. They wear little blinders and only see the happy. They refuse to listen to any problem you might have with them because that would be a "negative interaction" *huge eye roll*

....more later. 

Post be gone!

I'm only writing a new blog so the last one can disappear as being the last post. I'm so gullible. I always think people are nicer than they really are.


I'm so excited about the pottery the kids painted the other day. Irish has picked it up and I'm meeting up with her and Kristen to get it today. Kristen and I had lunch yesterday and then went shopping at the mall.

I bought another wrap! :o This officially puts me over the edge and I have to sell a couple/few things. I am listing my Girasol Romantique Ring Sling size Large converted by SBP for 100$ on the swap later if no one on my page picks it up.

Right after I listed it I wanted to take it down! I can't stand selling one of my pretties and it has such beautiful girly colors. Siiiigh. :( 

I bought tickets to Mommy-Con in Las Vegas. I'm SO pumped about going. I've never stayed in Vegas and it's right on the Strip plus I will get to hear people speak and learn more about what I'm passionate about lately. I'll go ahead and say it, (because I need the pick me up) I ROCK. 

The wrap I bought (the latest one) will be Ezra's legacy wrap. It's dragons and as Kristen pointed out yesterday, him and Allison were born in the year of the Dragon, water dragon to be exact. Here is a little snippet of it. I LOVE the gold but since they are water dragons I'm wondering if maybe I should look to trade for a different color..like a blueish greenish color. The year of the Dragon comes around every 12 years but the Water Dragons only come around every 60 years. 

Tentative Me and Making a Flyer

I almost messaged you. I just don't know where we stand. I don't know if 'liking' something means we're suddenly gonna be acquaintances again. I don't know the 'rules' here. It's much easier when you just say what you mean. I don't like the communication issues when people aren't clear. Foy and I are always winding up in an argument because someone didn't just SAY what they meant. I don't want to offend you by not saying hi when I see you about but nor do I want to be rejected. I don't like being hurt because I do care. I can only be hurt when I genuinely care. I don't want you to feel rejected though if what you are doing is trying to reach out in your own way. I have no idea if you read this (someone does) but felt more comfortable saying it here. I'm always more comfortable here.  I would like to attempt to be friends again if that's possible.

On another note, for those who don't know what I'm talking about, I can't figure out how to make flyers with the damn Mac for this cloth diaper class! It's pissing me off. I want to get the word out on my own in addition to whatever the library does. I tried just essentially what is a word document but the pics were either too big or too little plus I'd like to just cut the image out instead of have a 4x6 complete photo. UGH, I'm this close to just finding someone to pay to make one.

I have a few things left to buy for Christmas. I want to order Ezra some more baby legs. We use those a lot to prevent carpet burn, make diaper changes easier, keep his legs warm in a comfy way....

Kylie is getting a Kindle FOR READING ONLY. Lexie is getting a grownup beautiful jewelry box. Sophie....I haven't decided on something big for her yet. I know, I know..I'm running out of time. She hasn't really asked for much. OH, the kids are also getting some grownup 2-way radios. They are gonna love them and I think they are cool too. I consider them a need since the whole family will get use out of them. We got a 3 pack. I think they are Motorola. Also, all the kids together are getting this thing from little passports. I got the USA edition. We already got our first package but I haven't opened it yet. I'm going to wrap it and put all their names on it. We got a year membership so it's something we'll get all year long! I'm so excited.

PAXbaby Giveaway

HERE  you can enter PAXbaby's giveaway! I want one of the pretty rainbows or the many other things they are giving. I'm only sad I'm just finding out about it now. Well, here's to winning with only one enter or two. :) You should 'like' them on Facebook and enter to win too!

I finally ordered cards.......and more.

Small Window Decals by Vistaprint

I know. I'm lame. I even made a car magnet when I ordered free business cards. Lame. Lame. Lame.

I never pretended I don't have dorkish qualities and get overexcited about almost everything.

Kylie's teacher said she never met a more enthusiastic student. Well, meet Kylie's mom who speaks in exclamation marks and is just a large excited child most of the time. :)

I'm a tenacious biotch. :)

I forgot to add to the last blog that I did the half JBC w/ CCCB again and this time was much more successful. He was tighter and higher which is more comfortable. I wish the second pass had been a bit higher (and he had been just a little higher) but still I was pretty fast and I'm getting better. This was also with a wrap much too long for this carry, haha..you should have seen how much I had left over. My 5 is perfect for this but I had the 8 in the house from my walk with Kristen so I used it. This is Aqua Waves Didymos. 

I guess I feel this was terribly successful because he was actually in a good mood and didn't start crying while I was trying to figure it all out. I was quick and he was happy. :)

OH and I took this pic with my new camera lense. I broke my other one so I bought a new one. This is 55-200 one. It takes good pics though. :)

More Inner Monologue

Let's see..mostly what's on my mind today is how I just bought TWO Oscha's! I'm so excited but at the same time I feel super guilty for spending the money on myself/more wraps. I got this beautiful Tangerine Dream. I love the colors...just not in love with the fact that it's a RS. I'd prefer a wrap but I did hear the Oscha shoulder was nice. Guess I'll see.

Tangerine Dream is dreamy!

I also bought a wrap today. I love the color. I saw a pic of it in the sun and fell in love, deep, deep love.

Partly I feel guilty because......siiigh, there is this little boy named Levi. He's the same age as Ezra. He's the nephew of a girl I went to high school with. He's very sick. Very sick. He has leukemia. He's doing chemo. He's so sick. He can't eat, he's still receiving chemo...now he has sepsis (or is it in sepsis?). They are asking for donations for hotel rooms for her family or even just items like diapers, bibs, pj's and toys or books. I am sending him something but think how much more I could have spent if I hadn't bought these wraps. Honestly, I feel like shit! I feel bad for wanting the wraps and I considered auctioning them off and giving them the money but I really want these wraps..I really want them..and that makes me feel worse. I feel like a crappy person. I may never enjoy these wraps. :'( His name is Levi and here is his page.

I am still enjoying Kristen. We took a walk earlier this week and I'm thinking I'll have her over to my messy house next week. I'm also excited about our trip to this pottery ceramic place in GR with Irish next week. I don't know if I've mentioned Irish but she is very nice too...and I love her name. She is not quite as 'crunchy' (for lack of a better word) as Kyria and Kristen but she is a little. She is a huge breastfeeding advocate and she wants to get certified as a car seat safety instructor. She's very passionate about it. Her birth knowledge could be improved. The other day she was chatting with me about planning her induction. She's TTC. She is interested in cloth diapering and I'm trying to improve her babywearing. She has wore facing out (not good) and in some not so great carriers. Anyways, I want the kids to make an ornament for our tree and maybe something else. Who knows. It just sounds like a lot of fun and I think all the kids will enjoy it. I invited Kristen too. Irish has two boys ages 18 months and 3. Their names are Miles and Sawyer. I love both those names. I considered Miles for Ezra. It was on my short list. 

The diaper class is coming along. I have a rough draft outline of what I want to cover. Here, I'll paste it. 

"Why should I cloth diaper?

  -save money!

    *resale value

  -better for your baby

    *rashes

    *chemicals in disposables

  -environmental benefits

  -cuteness factor

  

  -convenience

  

Types of Cloth Diapers

  -Pockets

  -Fitteds

  -AI2

  -AIO

  -prefolds

  -covers

    *wool

      ~shorties

      ~longies

    *PUL

  -hybrids

Closure Options

  -Aplix

  -H/L

  -Snaps

  -Snappies

Fibers for inserts

  -hemp

  -bamboo

  -microfiber

Washing Cloth Diapers

  -laundry detergent

  -prepping

  -diaper sprayer

  -drying

    *line dry

    *short dryer cycle for covers, pockets

    *longer dryer cycles for fitteds, AIOs, AI2s, prefolds, flats or inserts

  -wet bags

  -pail liners

  -how to care for wool

    

Miscellaneous

  -cloth wipes

  -wipe solution

  -cloth diaper safe creams

  -liners 

    *fleece

    *disposable

Cloth Diaper Myths

  -What ABOUT the poop?

  -Are they REALLY clean?

  -What about the water I use? Is it really cheaper?

DIY

  -make a diaper sprayer

  -make your own diapers/covers 

  -ANYTHING can be an insert

  -make your own detergent

  -make your own cloth wipes

  -make your own wipe solution

Glossary of Acronyms and Commonly Used Words

*CD

*AIO

*AI2

*H/L"

I will be adding and taking away. I know I have more acronyms for sure. This was just a quick draft I come up with. I'm afraid this is too much stuff, perhaps I could simplify. I also told him the ideas for the name and what title 'won' in the votes. I told him about a few brands and that he should purchase from cotton babies if he wants commercial for the diapers he's buying to giveaway. I need to order a few things I want to cover at the class. I haven't gotten a diaper sprayer yet. I need one anyways and then I can bring it to show at the class. I also have been thinking of buying some flushable liners. I might get some just for the class and if I don't use them then I can always sell them. Ezra is still only pooping about every 3 days. He has so few solids it really hasn't changed. 

Today it snowed. I'm glad. We've been snowless for too long. 

The Motherlove page is coming along. That reminds me I need to order cards. I let Kristen borrow my Maya Wrap RS and she said she had some many compliments on it. I want to give her some cards so she can direct people who are interested in babywearing, etc to the page. I want to answer questions and let people borrow stuff. :) I saw a woman bfing with a cover at the library...sure enough I had left all my 'thank you for breastfeeding in public' cards in the car but I went over to talk to her anyways. I told her about the hopefully pending meeting in January. Of course, she doesn't have a FB (weird) but I told her I will try to make sure a flier gets posted at the library. I should tell Kyria she needs to let College Hill know too. If we could get all those new bfing Mothers and support them that would be great. 

Christmas presents are rolling in. I wish I could afford the time and money to be a more conscientious shopper. I bought from Amazon a lot. : / I let the girls make a list with 'want,need, wear and read'. I did buy them more than one thing for each category and went a LIIIIITTLE overboard but I wouldn't be me if I didn't. ;) I did buy mostly crafty things though.

I got Kylie this 'Wreck It journal". I showed her the one I'm giving Caden just to see what she would say...and she begged for one so I totally picked the right thing. I kinda want one, lol. They look fun. They caught my eye when I was looking around Hastings. I bought quite a few things from there. They have a big Melissa & Doug selection. I did here they have outsourced to China though. : / I bought Ezra quite a few 'green' toys. Some Haba and Begin Again. I need to get to wrapping...like yesterday. 

Mutual Interests

If I could take each section of this awesome day and the awesome conversation I had with Kyria and my new friend Kristen and blog about it, this blog would just go on forever. I felt such a high today being with similar thinking people and planning this cloth diaper class. They had such great input. And the moment when all the babies got hungry and WE NURSED IN PUBLIC WITHOUT A COVER all together was just heartwarming. Yes, I've nursed in public without a cover alone and even with Kyria before but 3 of us all at the same time with a toddler, 4 month old and 7 month old...well, it was just...a little piece of heaven that I fit right in. I told Kyria I would love to tag-a-long with her to a LLL meeting sometime in the SLC area. I've never been to one and if she doesn't get her butt in gear then there won't be any here to go to before Ezra weans. I'm planning on child led weaning though so hopefully it will be a nice LOOOONG time (like I can carry him in the Ergo between college classes and nurse him at the same time LOOONG) before he weans completely.

Then I talked to the guy at the library in charge of the classes. I'm sure I've mentioned on here that I was thinking of doing a class. Kyria said she would help me and now I've met Kristen (I HEART Kristen..I seriously have a crush.) who will help also. He was so SO enthusiastic about it. He wanted to know all about it and had such nice things to say. He was PUMPED and made me even more pumped. The more I told him the more he was like this is gonna be GREAT! He even had some personal stories about his own kids and problems with sposies and the chemicals. He was fascinated. I just kept kicking myself that I hadn't brought more examples of the different styles. I only had one in the diaper bag.

The class is set for Jan. 14th at 10 am. I am trying to name it and have got some great suggestions. I'm suppose to be getting back to him so he knows what to call it when they promote it. He said they even have money in the budget to buy some diapers and give them away as part of the advertising for the class! I. AM. ECSTATIC. I really didn't picture this conversation with him going anything like it did. This is gonna be so fun. Now I'm petrified PETRIFIED that no one is gonna come. I'm so excited and have all these plans of what diapers to show and all the stuff I want to cover. Kyria said she will talk about some parts and I might can talk Kristen into doing some talking.

I'm so glad I wasn't too shy (YES, sometimes I am shy people) or unsure of myself (YES, I'm that too.) to say something.

About Kristen, I was commenting on one of Kyria posts and mentioned that I was co-directing Intact Wyoming and she 'liked' it and then messaged and friend requested me. Come to find out, she lives right around the corner from me! She met Kyria in a birthing class and Kyria encapsulated her placenta. She is a 'natural mother' who is breastfeeding, wearing with a Moby (but don't worry I already have her addicted to the swap), cloth diapering and passionate about saving baby boys! She researched circumcision while she was pregnant and was HORRIFIED at what she read. She had a girl but having an intact husband, intact nephew and having informed herself she is passionate about making changes. We messaged all yesterday and we're so simpatico. She said it was like talking to herself, haha. I met her today at the library and she is SO nice. I want to meet her again tomorrow so we can talk more! It was kinda all about the cloth diaper class today and we didn't get to chat...plus she had to leave early because she had already told me she had committed to meeting two other women at 1130.

I even mentioned us getting a booth at the next local shindig (whatever it may be) and just passing out some natural parenting info. They were both down. I love how we are all sorta passionate in a general area but in different things. Kyria is all about improving birth and breastfeeding. I am passionate about intactivism, breastfeeding and baby wearing...ok, fine also cloth diapers. Kristin, intactivism and I haven't felt her out on the rest.

I'm having a lot of fun.

Bi-polar

It's hard to believe I'm the same person that wrote this, ironically just 2 days short of two years later my whole life would be changed. It's been a journey. As I read this over I began to wonder how I wound up where I am today. How did I wind up the person I am? It honestly didn't begin with an article or literature or study. It began with a renewed determination. It really started with the Lactation Consultant in town. From there, it blossomed with reading books like "The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding" and "Ina May's Guide to Breastfeeding". It came full circle when I started reading in my online breastfeeding support group (yes, I was there before I started breastfeeding.) when I saw the same issues and problems repeatedly coming up and the same reliable answers being given. "Yes, you do have enough milk. No, you don't have to stop nursing with that medication. Yes, bedsharing will help you sleep better while breastfeeding....etc."It helped to see nursing Mothers. And when did my mind and whole thought process about breastfeeding change entirely.....when I have and still am breastfeeding my baby because of support and knowledge from other women.

When I read what I wrote here I think about how I have admitted (though maybe not on my blog) that I felt that breastfeeding Mothers were trying to make me feel guilty or they were bragging and somehow in someway it was belittling to me...but now that I am one, I know that it has never been my intention. My intention is always to support and encourage nursing Mothers or those that intend to nurse. It's to encourage people to get informed on the subject. Even with all the things I had read in magazines and books, some of it was just not true. Just simply not true. I have never had mastitis, bleeding nipples, thrush...the only thing I've ever had is a milk blister twice but it wasn't horrible and went away on it's own. I CAN drink and breastfeed (I just can't get drunk.). I can pump. I can have a life. I can feed him in public. I don't have to feel trapped. My body is enough. My baby can be satisfied with what I make. Nobody EVER said those things to me. EVER. Nobody ever told me that your milk changes with your baby's needs. Nobody ever said hey, do you think formula could be to blame for all the allergies and stomach issues that kids have today? Nobody ever said hey, formula is made in a factory and could/probably does have bug parts in it. Nobody ever said hey, have you ever thought about a possible link between obesity and formula? If I had ever once been supported like I should have with my other 3 kids then they would have been breastfed too. Am I to blame? Partially, a little..I really blame the media, the pamphlets, books, hospitals that I read that were misinforming me. Yes, my kids were fairly healthy but think how MUCH healthier they would have been with breast milk. The bond is amazing. The sacrifice worth it.

Yes, by the time I was already feeding my babies formula it might have been too late, too hard to hear how great breastfeeding was. Maybe someone should have mentioned re-lactation. Hell, I might have tried it. Who knows? I'm a very different person than I was then. The same yet different.

How I raved about parent choices puts me in mind of circumcision. Lord knows I wasn't talking about that but now I feel differently about that too. I also feel that if Mothers are properly educated about breastfeeding and circumcision then I know what choice they will make...the choice that has the best interests of their child at heart.

I guess I should say that when I go around 'thrusting literature in your face' that my target audience is those breastfeeding or those who may have children in the future and wish to breastfeed.

I wish I had known then what I know now. Truth was, I was angry. I wish I had breastfed the girls. I wish it with all my heart. But maybe my anger should have been directed at those who deserve it. Those formula companies, literature and pediatricians who lie to and misinform women like me to set us up for failure.

I don't know if I'll help another woman with my literature and knowledge that I have now. I HAVE helped one already. I talked my cousin through her rough patches. I had her buy the LLL book. If nothing else comes of what I am trying to do with my informative posts then at least I have that. And if she helps one person then it lives on.

I want to strip away the lies, push back the curtains on the misinformation and HELP women. Help them break free. Find themselves. Find their power, feel their strength. Women helping women is the most beautiful thing.

I don't know if I was eloquent enough in this post. I don't know if I fully explained but I guess what I mostly have to say is I'm allowed to change my mind. I'm allowed to change me. I have really come 180 on many of my ideas and thoughts about lots of things. It really started with a few seeds and a few people and blossomed from there.

MotherLove

I started a new page on Facebook. My goal is to make it a place to share and talk about things that interest myself and others. I HOPE that it will become a hub for info about babywearing and the lending library I hope to start, breastfeeding if Kyria will get focused on her leader goals, cloth diapering and other natural parenting ideas. I want to talk about the cloth diaper class I'm planning. Anyways, I'm making some cards to hand out when people ask me about my wraps and cloth diapers so I can talk with them there instead of inviting everyone to my personal page. I will be handing the cards out to people who show interest and hopefully at the cloth diaper class. I am meeting with Kyria on Tuesday to start discussing ideas for the class. The Facebook page is www.facebook.com/motherwithlove . Please "like" it so I can get started spreading the word or if you have any good input or would like to help me or join me in any way. I hope if Kyria likes the idea she will agree to admin the page as well.

I told ya I was gonna do it!

Pardon me looking like crap, I hadn't combed my hair or put makeup on or anything. I was just wrapping so I could cook breakfast. This is a lot looser than I would like but it was my first try. I have decided instead of my usual ADD thing ;) that I will stick with this Half JBC w/CCCB til I improve it. Then I will move to a new back carry. I really like a Tibetan Tie or something that is a chest tie off much more than any other ways to tie off. It pulls the ruck straps together so they don't slide off my shoulders and it puts the weight more on my chest which I like.

I think it could have been a little lower but again, my first try. I'm thinking of braving a back carry at Walmart today. Wish me luck!

This is my new Violet Pfau 5 btw. It's soooo soooo beautiful. 

Half JBC w/CCCB (Boo-ya!)

Here is a video of a Half JBC w/CCCB. (HA, I'm so happy I'm learning acronyms so I'm bombing you with them!). This is a half Jordan's Back Carry with a candy cane chest belt. I'm gonna try this one next. I got my Violet Pfau 5 and I'm excited to try this. I don't have any pics yet because I was gonna wait til I wrapped with it. I hope tomorrow when I have time to try something new.

I've seen the candy cane chest belt and it's very pretty with a wrap that has different colors on each side.

ELF = D-U-M-B

I just came over to my blog to say...

that I hate that effin' ELF. Ok, so I was in Hastings and I saw this featured on a display and I scan read it. It said something about a Christmas tradition and an elf so I read more in depth.

SO STUPID.

I just hate the idea. "Oooh, kids you better watch out, this fake ridiculous ELF is watching you...but only for a few days every year. This ELF wants you to be good. Not just be good because it's the right thing and because you should but because this ELF will tell on you. Please talk to this ELF and tell him secrets so your Mommy can overhear what your thinking...like that's the only way we can communicate, etc etc.". I hated it immediately and now it's shown up by two friends on my FB. Of course I'm not commenting because I have nothing nice to say but DUMB. This is my blog and I can say how much I hate it. If someone can explain the ELF to me in some way that doesn't make it sound just like it is then I could change my mind but so far, D-U-M-B.

Wraps and Diapers Galore! Foreskins for the win!

I've been meaning to update for awhile. Let's see....

I have been really blessed in the friend department lately. I passed on some of my diapers to people I'm converting and I just got Karma rewarded a 1000 fold! My friend Amanda won a free dipe and she doesn't love the brand so she passed it to me. Let's see if I can find a pic. I love this freakin' thing. Ezra has a HAWT milkstache. ;)

Ezra was Son of the Day over at Saving Our Sons yesterday. :) Danielle even posted about it in our private directors group...where she tagged me and I realized he was featured. I'm glad I shared his pic now and had his diaper on there!

I passed on a Thirsties, a Kim's Cloth and a Fuzzibunz to one of my friends and (she's so FUNNY) she decided she's gonna like fitteds and hybrids better so she's sending them back...and she doesn't even have a baby yet. She's waiting on a foster baby. I couldn't persuade her to wait either. I know that some of the ones I thought I would like the best I was surprised when I actually started putting them on my baby. Poor pockets are getting a bad rep in the cd world right now and I like them just fine. I am feeling the fitted love but I'm not giving up my pockets or even prefolds. ANYWAYS, she is sending them back AND FOUR MORE. I told her she was being way too generous. So now I have to pass them on again....to WHO? ;) I have a friend that's pregnant and expecting in April and she's asked. I also have a friend who isn't pregnant yet but feels she wants to cd with her next baby. I also told Steff (the friend sending me 7 diapers now!) that I'd pass a few to her that Ezra has outgrown that are AI2's or fitteds since she isn't gonna like pockets...she just KNOWS THIS. ;) I know he's outgrown a small The Fluff Wagon. I'm pretty sure I posted a pic here with the colorful baby legs. 

ALSO I told some people (well made a FB post) about my wanting to start a lending library. It was suggested to me that you take 30$ for a yearly membership and they are allowed to take one thing at at a time for 30 days at a time. I think that's a great idea. Even if you only had 10 members that is 300 a year you could spend on new baby wearing stuff. That's what the 30$ membership would go toward. We would take a vote as to what type of device we should buy next. Moby's are going for 25$ on the Swap and Ergo's for about 75 (I've seen them for 50-100). I saw a PPB Ergo that I was SO gonna buy for a 100 and add to my collection but it was already spoken for. I already have the one but since I'm starting the library I am trying to save up. I also have this chick holding a 8 Gira with fringe..one of the rainbow wefts I think..anyways, it's beautiful. But 8's cost 200$. I told her to go ahead and try to sale it because we don't get paid again for 2 more weeks and I can't afford it because I already spent my extra money this pay check. She really wants me to buy it though, lol because I promised not to chop it. I can't stand to hear of people chopping beautiful things. I could buy something chopped (I have my Gira Romantique RS was a conversion) but I can't actually have something chopped. It seems sacrilegious. ANYWAYS, wow, the point was that Allison decided to donate her Moby to my lending library cause. She's so awesome. I am surrounded by awesome people. Kyria saw I bought this and headed over to the swap and bought a Northern Lights Girasol 6 so I told her we could temp trade sometimes so we can try them both out. This is a 5. It's my medium wrap. I have been wanting the pretty peacocks since I saw them the first time and this violet is TO DIE FOR. I know Kyria will help me with my lending library. I hope to use it in conjunction with her LLL meetings (I need to ask her how far she's gotten to being certified as a leader...I bet close) and midwife services (she's still going to school for that). She also encapsulates placentas. 

Here are some of our other new diapers....plus just pictures of my cute little guy and kids from the last week or so. I'm so glad our 'action' shots now contain actually action, haha. 

This is my newest Clover Hill Crafts. 

BumGenius Elemental. I'm sure I've featured it before on here. Very trim for under clothes. That is one thing I will commend the commercial diapers for. 

My Munchi. Her diapers are just sensational. 

All my loves in their Snuggly Noggin hats. That lady makes the most creative things! Kylie's is a monster and the other girls are ponies. Ezra's is a monkey.

Ok, that's all for now. Ezra is 'calling my name'. 

New Admin At Intact Wyoming!

I don't have long to say much (Ezra is an unhappy camper at the moment) but you are looking at a new admin over at Intact Wyoming on FB! Whoop, whoop! I'm scared but I'm ready to take a more active role in preventing what I think is intolerable cruelty to our baby boys based on some super wrong info. I want to inform and educate parents about circumcision. Mostly because if I hadn't met some people that made me question it and did the research then Ezra would be circ'd today and I would regret ANOTHER parenting mistake. I'd like to think that I can admit when I make mistakes. I'm human and I make mistakes. One of them which I will readily tell you was feeding my other children formula. That also was because I was given the wrong information and not educated or informed. Honestly, between bad pediatrician advice about breastfeeding, circumcision and now what I know about vaccines....I have lost all faith in the medical community. Ok, more later......maybe.

I ain't no Rosa Parks!

This happened on the weekend before Halloween but I'm just getting around to blogging it. That I still remember I want to blog it and am still thinking about it shows how much it stuck out.

We went trick or treating downtown (see previous post). We walked quite a ways from our car at some point and as you'll see in the photo all I had was the baby in a carrier. I didn't feel like carrying the diaper bag even if it was an easy backpack. When we had crossed under the overpass where the train is to the other side of town I saw my husband and he was eating at a restaurant there so we decided to eat with him so that we could spend some time with him on this holiday. Well it had easily been 2-3 hours since Ezra had eaten and he never goes that long. He will only go that long if I'm wearing him. So we sat down to eat and he was hungry as well. I had not brought my cover and even though I have fed Ezra without a cover quite a few times I USUALLY have my cover. I feed him at parks, quiet corners, home, friends/relatives house, Applebee's nurse-in without a cover. Let me pause...


To give you some background I recently read about how to maintain your bfing relationship and it was explained like this in the book. If you visited a buffet that you really liked but every time you went they asked you a million questions before you got to eat like "Are you sure? Maybe you want to eat something else? Why do you want that? Why do you want to eat now? Can you wait?..." that as much as you liked it you probably wouldn't go back. You'd go to the buffet you liked less but was easier to get (table food). So as I tried to appease Ezra with table food so I wouldn't have to nurse without a cover in a crowded restaurant with my husbands work guy friends I remembered this article and just thought screw it, and I breastfed him without a cover. The sky didn't fall. The room didn't spin. No cops were called. No one yelled or stared or even saw. It was all uneventful. None of my husbands friends even noticed and my dh barely noted it as he walked out. Nothing was showing and Ezra was appeased with his favorite buffet. :)

Skip forward to Halloween day. We decide to meet Foy at Golden Corral. Not my fav place but I'm kinda sick of everything here so it was that. Foy helped me get the kids out of the car and I told him to grab the diaper bag because it had the nursing cover and Ezra was gonna be hungry. As we walked in, Foy asked where I would like to sit. I had Ezra, Sophie and then me and Foy. I picked a table (because I can't nurse in a booth) close to the food..uh, because I like to eat food and be close to it, lol. He said, Why don't we sit in the back? I said, Why? He said, You know......don't you wanna? Wouldn't it be better.

I realized he meant that because I was gonna nurse Ezra WITH A COVER, MIND YOU that we should sit in the back away from people. Oh, I lost my cool. I was like, What am I? Some kind of 3rd rate citizen? I ain't Rosa Parks! Ezra and I don't have to sit on the back of the bus because him eating makes you or others uncomfortable. I was causing a little scene (so what) and he just wanted to hush me up so he was like sssh,, shhh, we'll sit wherever and wanted me to drop it...so I did. But at the end of our lunch I brought it up in a calmer way. I told him about the buffet analogy. I think I HOPE he understands now. I won't be made to sit in the back or feel ashamed or hide because I give my baby the food that is perfectly made for him and delivered in a God given way. I have prepared myself to stand up to other people because they may try to make me feel this way but it was so disloyal of my husband to have him make me feel this way. I can't perfectly put it into words...I hated having to defend me, my rights, my baby's right to eat to him. Not him of all people. :*(

This calls for a breastfeeding share!

He falls asleep and sleeps peacefully after he nurses. He loves to pile up on his milkies. <3 td="td">

This makes me laugh every time! He loves to nurse standing up. Silly boy. I love his silly nursing antics. :)

A hungry little lion gets the best food on earth for him. I love it. 

I predicted...

there would be a time when I would stop re-hashing what transpired almost a year ago (or was it longer or shorter..I've lost track) and it's finally happened. I finally feel better. I finally quit obsessing about whose fault it was and who said what and when and blah blah. I have made new friends and some have gone and some I'm not very close with and some I plan to get closer with but either way, I am forgetting even if not forgiving. Oh I still have moments now and then..mostly when my friends mention playgroup or a Halloween party that I know I wasn't invited to I still get sad. But those moments happen rarely and pass quickly. For some weird reason it helped to see her just out and about. The world didn't implode. The sky didn't fall. Life went on. And still does. And gets better. I am complete in my day to day life with my kids. I am already planning our next Summer excursions and enjoying my kids daily.

Halloween 2012

I get to be self-obsessed in my blog. I have said and still agree, it is my neurosis. I have wished before and still do that I did one of those crafty blogs or educational ones (all about bfing support and intactivism and healthy eating (don't laugh)) but I don't. I accept that.

So along the lines of my self-obsession, check out this SUPER COOL babywearing costume I did. It was a super duper hit and it made me so happy that so many people liked it. I couldn't even begin to count the compliments I got on it.

We did the Downtown Halloween Stroll this weekend and had SO much fun. I was in a really good mood and so were the kids. We ate lunch with Dad at The Way Station and then managed to catch some fun at the library. It was all a blast.

Oh and so you know that I'm really not this creative, haha, I got this idea from Ergobaby where I followed it to Pinterest and then found it on this blog.

I had so much fun making it and wearing it that I'm already thinking about what next years babywearing costume could be. Ezra slept a lot because he was all snuggy warm and being carried. I loved not having the bulk of the stroller to push around. Streamlining and babywearing is so much easier than all the extra crap. 

Here we all are. 

It was a great day. :))

12 Symptoms of Spiritual Awakening #1

I REALLY REALLY like this. I try to read it objectively. I definitely let things happen instead of make them to an extent. I have this weird thing that if it was meant to be then it just will. Like I think fate steps in sometimes. For example, if I'm writing a blog and my computer suddenly dies then I assume it was something I just shouldn't post. Ditto with my phone or text messaging, posting on my social sites, etc. Maybe I'm a bit superstitious. I learned not to fight the current but let it carry you. Someone was talking about her baby the other day. He cries a lot, wakes too much at night..more along those lines and I thought that's because we've been led to believe that is not normal for babies and it totally is. Plus it depends on their personality. I have had 4 babies and some have been easier or harder or different. They've each been different in some ways. When you say, I accept that we will wake up each night at least 4 times then it becomes easier. If you become resentful or mad it becomes harder. We just learn to let go and stop trying to make things adjust to us. And instead adjust to things. It's OKAY to do that. It's okay to just let things happen and not investigate, talk about or scour every detail. Religious people would say 'let go and let God'. But however you put it, it's usually healthy. 

I smile a lot. I think I do. I could smile more though. Smiling is like money...can there ever really be too much? 

#3 is harder for me. I feel more connected to nature than I do others. Or maybe I feel connected to others but they don't feel connected to me. It just says 'feelings'. I get these feelings. I actually make lots of connections. I don't think of myself as a very connecting person but the fact is that I make more connections than most people. I genuinely like meeting people. I like conversing. I like having friends. I would also like to work on my connections and thereby my children's connection with nature. More nature walks in our future. More outdoor activities. I am taking the kids hiking to the Timpanoga caves next Summer for sure. Also more exploration of Thanksgiving Point Gardens and I wanna check out that train around SL. 

I shall blog about the rest of these points at another time (we hope, considering my ADD I wouldn't be too expectant, haha). I love how I talk to myself like I have a 1000 readers. Actually I'm surprised at the number of page views I get a day anyways. It's......flattering. :)

Feminist

I don't know what a feminist is defined as but according to some women I may be one. I seriously don't understand some women. Annnnd I hate blogging from my phone. More later when I'm not mobile.

Lost things find me.

I have this weird idea about lost things. If they are meant to be found then they will find you.

I did say it was weird.

Foy is looking all over the house for my keys right now. I'm not worried. We still have his keys plus an extra key. My keys are here somewhere. I bet if I get off the computer and sort of float around the house they will come to me. He can spend ages looking for something and I will just sort of 'feel' where it is. It's a gift definitely not a curse.

You only reap what you sow.

I guess in all fairness I should continue the story. I did tell my Mother about the message I received and unlike me she isn't very good at keeping her piehole shut so she texted my Father a couple times (not sure what she said) and she messaged my Uncle (my Father's brother) on FB about it. She even tried to call my Dad's Mother. Anyways, yesterday I received this text from my Father, "Sorry, drunk and pissed, no family anymore". I have to admit the last line tugged at my heart strings but honestly he's not reaping anything he didn't sow. He hasn't been there for his family because he's been too busy chasing ass. If I had any advice to give him (but I won't because I don't talk to him) it would be to change his life NOW. To quit focusing on a piece of ass and devote himself to repairing and improving his relationship to his children/grandchildren. He CAN fix this. He should. I knew one day he would be a sad, drunk old man because of what he's done but I didn't know it would happen so quick. Despite that slight tug on my heart strings I don't think I can find it in myself to feel too sorry for him. Like I said, this is just his comeuppance that I expected sooner or later. And still, I don't care how drunk or pissed you are...you don't message that to the daughter you haven't seen in a year. You're a grown man, please start acting like one. I stopped drunk texting years ago and he's 18 years older than me. I realized that my actions have consequences and that I will have to live with them. 

What kind of Father does that?

I haven't talked to my Father in almost a  year. Actually this last text message I sent him (in the green) is dated mid November of last year. That is the absolute last thing I've ever said to him and ever plan on saying to him. I was pouring my heart out. I was letting out years of hurt and questions. I was telling him that I think that when I was 19 and he said to me that he couldn't have anything to do with his kids because he couldn't stand their Mother was BULLSHIT. I am not 19 anymore. I'm a 32 year old woman with children of my own and I can tell  you that NO MATTER what I would see my children. I would drive through hell, I would commit murder...I would spend the afternoon with Hitler, the Devil and Freddy Krueger. My Mother has brought him up and I've did my best to not listen. To be noncommittal because unlike her when I say someone is dead to me, I fucking mean it.

Our conversation had started because he couldn't manage to get my Mother the insurance information for my brother. I mean she is dealing with the every day implications of my brothers diagnosis and waking up at 2 am and worrying when she takes a shower she's gonna find him passed out. And walking tentatively into his room every morning and praying he's not in a comma from a low blood sugar. ALL HE HAD TO DO WITH PASS ON INSURANCE INFO. That was it and his sorry no good fucking ass couldn't even manage to do that. Yeah, I was mad and my voice was raised. He called me my Mother (WORST MISTAKE EVER) and HUNG UP ON ME. Yes, my Father said he didn't have to listen. Fuck that. I was quiet for over 10 years. I had shit to say.

THEN tonight (as you can see at 935) I get this text from my Father (in white). He's a real fucking class act that man. I'm more angry than hurt. What kind of asshole Father send THAT text to his daughter he hasn't spoken to in a year? I'm flabbergasted. But as much as I'm flabbergasted I refuse to open up dialog with someone who is dead.

I really want to FB this. I might end up doing it. For now, I'm gonna think on it and sleep on it.

This happened last year about the same time I was pregnant and lost a large portion of my friends. My brother was diagnosed which was stressful and upsetting to me. Anyone who knows me knows I am close to my brother. My Father was a raging asshole who I disowned at this very tumultuous time. I was pregnant and when I needed my friends to be forgiving and supportive they couldn't be. My heart is still hurt about that.

This may have been going on before this even happened with my friends. I am a very private person though and may have not felt comfortable opening up. I open up here in my blog more than I do in real life. It's just a weird facet of Ginger. I am more at home in the written word....though I am considering a youtube blog. ;) I have the account just haven't had the time to play with the camera and see how retarded I look. :)

In closing, I will not respond to him. I refuse to give him the satisfaction of dialogue. His ass is dead to me and will stay that way but seriously, WHAT THE FUCK?

Nigger or Penis?

I don't know how I forgot to blog this. Don't laugh but I often think I should carry around one of those tape recorders so when really great lines, ideas, blogs or words come to me that I can quickly record them and keep going. It seems my best ideas arrive to me when I'm no where near the computer. When I sit down and hold my hands over the keys waiting for the regurgitation to come, it often doesn't. Then I wind up blogging about....whatever pops in my head. Not always brilliant or insightful and often just....POOP.

When I was in Texas we were at my Grandma's and there was two great aunts, my aunt, my brother, my kids, my Uncle, my second cousin and of course my Grandmother. We got on the subject of the school system and somehow my Mom would up telling the story of how she told my brother to call a kid at school nigger.

Yes, I spelled it out. I cringe to spell it, let alone say it or even hear it. I grew up in a racist town and in a racist family. That's why I scoff at the idea that it's ok to be racist if you grew up that way. I grew up in a very racist family who dropped the N word like no big deal. Even I knew at a young age that it was dirty though. It was wrong. I went to school and learned about Harriet Tubman, Rosa Parks, Martin Luther King...I knew wrong from right. I had eyes in my head and a heart. I could see what was wrong. I could feel hate had no room in my heart.

Back to the story, some black boy at my brothers school called him a fag and didn't get in trouble so my Mom sent my brother back to school with strict instructions to call him a nigger. She's very proud of this story...if this gives you any insight into my Mother's psyche. She says (and keeps repeating), "I told him that we'll call it like it is.". Well, my Aunt wanted to recall a problem her daughter had with the school and her grandson and though it wasn't racist, the story (long and convoluted) did involve the word 'penis'.

Every time my Mother said the word nigger in her story (too many times) I'd cringe and look around for my children. I do not want them to hear that word or be exposed to that. I am not looking forward to explaining racism to them and them seeing the family they loved in a not so nice light.

After we left, that night at my Mothers she brought up the topics of the day and said how much she hated that my Aunt said penis. I mean (her words) Cash was sitting right there! (my 15 year old brother). So let me lay this out for you. She cringes to have someone say the word 'penis' in front of a 15 year old with a penis and I cringe to hear nigger. I mean, which is worse? I told her that penis is the proper name and asked her what she would feel more comfortable with, wiener? The whole incident just astounds me. THIS explains my Mother.

Also while I was home I had a good long talk with my brother. I told him about Mom and 'penis' and we both had a good laugh over it. I have explained circumcision to him. I also asked him if he knew what sex was. Seriously he's 15 and she has never talked with him. It's high time. I asked him if he knew how babies came into this world. We didn't have a lot of time to talk but I think I got the general idea out there and at least I opened up the lines of communication. In my way I was saying..we can talk about these things if you need to. I mean I'd hate to think he's getting his entire sex ed from the x-box (which I'm sure he is) or youtube (cringe).

My brother and I also talked about cow's milk. My Mother disagrees with me that it's bad but I dropped some bugs in my bros ear. He's not afraid to think outside the 'norm'.

The moral of this story is..what's worse? nigger or penis. Well, I definitely know what I think. My kids can say penis. If they say the n-word there will be much discussion and long talks and reading and ...well, I pray they won't.

This too shall pass.

I'm so tired. I didn't want to post it on my FB and be discouraging. Being positive about bfing is so important especially for a new Mom. I don't want to discourage anyone just because I'm bitching. BUT GOD, I'm so tired. He's in full sleep regression mode, teething mode and I'm pretty sure a growth spurt and dear LORD, he's about to suck my nipples off. I'm feeling touched out and mostly just tired. He's not napping much and he's fussy. He's eating a lot at night. If I wasn't bedsharing and side lying then this would be even worse. I know it will pass.....I just think I need some encouragement or a pat on the back or something.

I'm tired.

I am so proud. My cousin had failed at bfing (as I did with 3 kids) and we spent at least two hours on my last trip home talking about bfing. Then when she had her baby she had the same 2nd day home problems that we all have. We doubt our bodies. We get tired. We worry about diaper output. I talked her down and she kept on and pushed through. Then she wrote me how tired she was and was feeling like she was doing all the work and I talked to her about co-sleeping and side lying. She wrote me the next day that she had the best sleep EVER. Her and the baby slept very well. She is amazed how well bedsharing is working. She never thought she'd sleep with her baby but she is. That happens so often because really bfing and bedsharing go hand in hand. Your bfing relationship will be more successful and last longer if you share a bed with your baby. And bedsharing can be completely safe. It can even be beneficial to your baby. Anyways, she's on my Fb and I don't want to discourage her with my problems right now. Like I tell her, this too shall pass. THIS TOO SHALL PASS.

More blah blah.

I'm going 'home' for our family reunion. I bought the tickets and little Ezzy baby will be going with me of course. I'm excited to see everyone and bought some new clothes for it and everything. :) And I got a new RS that I want to take with me for wearing him at the reunion, football game and in the airport. I'm renting a car so I'll even have my own wheels. This is really making my month (it's in October). I guess I also start getting paid at my 'job' (haha) for this month AND Halloween is coming..one of my fav holidays cuz it's all about the candy, mmhmm.

About Ezra, I did something bad. I totally need to turn in my Mommy card for it. ;) Here is my guilty confession: I didn't want to start Ezra on solids til 6 months as is recommended. Weeelll, I had this avocado..yes, this is a story of a teasing, tempting avocado. It was organic and right there.....SO I cut off a piece and gave it to him a few days ago (he'll be 6 months on the 3rd) and he wouldn't eat it, haha. He mashed it in his hands, then cried cuz his hands were messy so I cleaned him up. I mean the boy who puts everything in his mouth wouldn't put an avocado in there. I am doing BLW (baby led weaning) or as I prefer to call it BLS (Baby Led Solids) which is just a fancy way of saying I'm not giving him baby food. :) No purees. Just things from the table or whole fruits and veggies steamed or softened if needed. He will feed himself. I won't poke things in his mouth. My breast milk is plenty enough for him right now.

I talked to the Babywearing Institute and they are willing to start taking payments for my classes I want to take to become a CBE (Certified Babywearing Expert). I have a good start to a babywearing library. I have some books like New Active Birth and The Birth Partner that I am contributing to Kyria's lending library. She is about half way to her LLL leader goal. I hope she gets one started soon and I'm doing everything I can to encourage and help her. She has another placenta to encapsulate soon so I have agreed to keep her little girl. I feel a little bit better about it now that I don't think she's crazy or a 'user', lol. I did not know that to become a IBCLC that you must be a LLL leader for 2 years among lots of other qualifications. That's crazy. That's serious commitment. I would totally have loved to but having waited til baby #4 to figure out how wonderful bfing is.....I just don't think I can. If I knew I would have another baby (fat chance) then I would totally do what I could to get started on that journey. I do hope to babywear for years to come...and then wear my grandkids when the time comes. ;)

This blog was just to say some things that have been on my mind.

Now I need to go fix dinner. Blech.

Pow! There goes a good day.

It's amazing how I can be having a really great day and then just one thing can bring it crashing down around me. :( I got up and got everybody dressed and we went to Denny's for breakfast, then we went to the mall where I bought some new clothes (first ones since I first got pregnant) which I really like, then to Applebee's for our nurse-in with Kyria and then home where the kids didn't give me TOO much lip about cleaning their room. It was all hunky dory great! Oh, and I checked the mail and got my ring sling and a new diaper. Here they are.

This is my SBP (Sleeping Baby Productions THE go to source for converting your wraps into slings) Girasol (Gira for short) RS (ring sling) Romantique (meaning the colors). I haven't gotten to try him in it because he's been sleeping since we got home but I'm really excited for it! I think I will take this on my trip home.

I also got my new Dolce Baby daiper. It's beautiful.

Anyways, on to what ruined it. I have barely seen my dh in days. He's working until very late and leaving very early. I honestly feel like our marriage is not in a great place. We are both arguing a lot with each other and looking for a fight. We need to get this figured out. I have tried to make him see but he just doesn't seem to get it or thinks it's better to ignore it. Having sex would probably help, BAH, like we do that anymore. This is the only draw back I have found to bfing is my absolute serious ZERO sex drive. I called him to see when he's coming home and like every night....'it'll probably be late'. Boo. Now my really great day is being bummed by all this. :(

ADD

I'm going to Texas for my family reunion with Ezra. I'm so excited and looking forward to it. I hope he does well on the plane though. I'm trying to decide if I want to check a bag. I know it's 25$ but I would really like to take more diapers than will fit in just a carry-on. I KNOW I could sposie...but I just can't bring myself to do it. OH< OH I should go buy myself something nice to wear. I haven't bought new clothes since I found out I was pregnant and I bought a few new maternity clothes. I just bought a new RS. It's a Gira RS Romantique. I'm pretty excited about it. I hope I get it soon and get plenty of practice in before I take it with me. I think I might bring the Ergo too. I heard a woven wrap is not the way to go because it's so hard to get on and off and you have to remove it for security. It would also be hard to put on while on the plane. The space is so tight. I have arranged a payment plan to pay for the classes to become a Certified Babywearing Expert (that sounds so corny). Lately I've been thinking I should work on becoming an IBCLC. I mean, it's something I could do with my kids. You have some workshops and have to attend some meetings. There is some reading. I guess I should look into it some more. Or I should probably just work on one thing at a time, lol. I have serious ADD when it comes to almost anything. I have this weird jack of all trades, master of none thing going on, haha. I always feel like I need to have a rudimentary knowledge of all sorts of things but then I get bored with it quickly. I did this with scrapbooking, then knitting and now on to all sorts of babywearing devices and training.....who knows what my ADD will move onto next! At least I realize this is how I am. I have a bit ..just a little bit of an obsessive personality.

Money Snobs and the Family Reunion

I guess I should say that I see people being snobs about all sorts of things. Some people are 'snobs' about how they buy nothing new or getting really good deals. They brag about how they spent X amount of money and got a whole wardrobe. If I spent double X amount of money then they'd think (in a way) that they are superior to me. When I confess to being a 'cloth diaper snob' then I say this in jest.

I have a weird ideal when it comes to money. I don't care if it costs 2 dollars and 200 dollars. If I want it then I want it. It doesn't hold more value to me if it cost 200 dollars. I'll treat it the same as the 2 dollar item. Items only have the value that you give them. The same for any item or thing in your life. For example, I know some people who spend 100 bucks easy on a cloth diaper. ON A CLOTH DIAPER. That's because that item holds value to them. I also don't care if they spend 100 dollars on it because it's not my money. When she told me she spent that much I didn't say "Your crazy!" or "I could have bought groceries for two weeks on that!" or any of those annoying things that people say to me when they know how much I spent on something. You know why? Because it's not my money. Its her money. She isn't hurting me by spending money on what makes her happy. I won't belittle her or make her feel bad. She asked if I'd do the same and I said...if I wanted it bad enough and had the cash then yeah, I'd buy it.

Things or people only have the value that YOU assign them.

I was thinking yesterday about my Grandma dying. I rarely let my mind go there. I thought how nothing could keep me away from her funeral and I couldn't think about it anymore. Then I thought about the family reunion coming up. Why would I rush to her funeral letting nothing stand in my way after she's dead? I mean she won't know I'm there. I won't be able to talk to her or hug her. *sob* Why wouldn't I spend the money now to hug her, to talk with her, to share my children with her and just be with her? So someway, somehow I will find the money to go to the family reunion. Even if it's just Ezra and I. I want to spend the money to spend time with her now.

The tickets are INSANE though because it's less than a month away. 400$. SHEESH. I will find a way though. I'll keep searching for tickets. I'll save some money. I'll pass on a wrap or two. ;) I will also need to rent a car for a couple days.