I reserve the right to GO NUTS and think for myself!

Every time I'm on vaca I get these really great ideas for a blog and then when I go to write I can't remember a damn one.

We spent most of the time with my Mom and I feel safe in writing this because the woman has no idea about the Internet, let alone how to work it it....she drives me NUTS. Well, lots of ppl drive me nuts, seriously. My hubby always wants to know why I talk to or hang out with ppl who drive me nuts and (other than my family cuz I got no choice) I really have no idea. And then I decided the other day it was because I wouldn't have anything to bitch about or talk about or gossip about if it wasn't for some ppl in my life that drive me nuts. Maybe I should be thankful for these ppl that drive me NUTS because somehow they make me feel so SANE. ;)

My Mom and I had this long discussion about 'friends.'. She insists she doesn't have friends because they are always trying to 'change' her..make her believe what they believe, make her see how what they do is better or right..that they can't simple be her friend and agree to disagree on the subject and while I was listening to her (God, she was getting on my nerves.) I was thinking 'what a crock of shit'. She doesn't have friends because she befriends ppl who are as looney as she is OR they aren't looney and soon decides that she is. She's forever one of those ppl that if they don't have enough drama then they have to make some. And for her to say she's an 'agree to disagree' person drives me NUTS too. She spends her time trying to convince me that everyone should home school their kids and blah blah blah. She has an opinion about everything I do but in all fairness she is usually pretty good about keeping her trap shut. Honestly, I think she was spending more time trying to convince herself that what she was doing was right than she was trying to convince me to do it. I wanna know what happened to everyone having their own opinion and that being ok. I'm just a stubborn enough kinda person that the more someone tries to shove something on me the less likely it becomes that I'll do it EVEN if I realize that it might be 'better' for me. I just refused to be bullied about a damn thing. And that makes me think of breastfeeding along with the homeschooling issue (what happened to doing what the fuck I wanna do?). What am I --a retard? I get that's it better for my baby and better for me and I know about all the damn studies and I honestly don't give a flying fuck about your opinion other than your opinion makes me want to stand on the other side of the argument and yell 'FREEDOM'. Freedom to choose what I wanna do. My children are healthy and happy and a damn site smarter and more well-adjusted than the average kid AND I DIDN'T BREASTFEED--OMG. A whole generation was raised without breastfeeding...a whole shitload of ppl and somehow we got where we are today.I'm free to make that choice for myself and if I wanted literature or articles (like I haven't read all the baby books myself) about it---I'd fucking ask you. And yeah, I might be bitter about the subject..actually I'm not bitter. I want to breastfeed. I openly admit that and admit that I have tried and couldn't do it (not for physical reasons but for sanity reasons and honestly lack of support when I needed it) and all I need is someone thrusting their literature in my face and telling me what I already know. WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO SAY -- GOOD FOR YOU..pat yourself on the fucking back and get over it. Or better yet, how 'bout you decide what's best for you and yours and DO IT and leave me and mine to make that decision for ourselves. I guess what I'm trying to say is if I need advice or opinions (and you'll find I rarely do since I'm full of my own ;) then I'll ask..

Despite having said this, I DO WANT to breastfeed my next child but would someone please shoot me if I go parading around and thrusting literature, articles, etc. in your face and trying to (in other words) tell you that what you chose to do, what you are doing is WRONG. It's not wrong to bottle feed or send your kid to public school...And I know these 'well meaning' ppl (because they always are) would tell me that it was 'just there if I wanted to read it' that they thought 'maybe I didn't know' or other such placating things. Well, guess what-- IT'S EVERYWHERE. It's in the newspaper, it's in every Moms magazine you pick up, it's mentioned in new stories often...I mean I GET IT..just because I'm not changing my mind and follow along behind you like cattle doesn't mean I don't get it. It just means maybe, just maybe I think I'm doing what's best for me and my own children. SO THERE! Stick that in your pipe and smoke it.

I think some of this has accumulated and some is from my sister also (sorta another issue). She saw me heating the babies bottles and baby food jars and was like 'we'd never do that at the daycare' and she saw me hold my 11 month old babies bottle and she was like 'at the daycare we'd say she was lazy and why hadn't her Mom taught her to hold her bottle'. SURPRISE! I DON'T RAISE MY KIDS LIKE A DAYCARE. I raise my kids like I want to and I will continue doing that despite pressure from other ppl. I'll make choices for me and my own and you do the same and let's live with that--and agree we're different and enjoy those differences and learn from them.

I have to admit I have to bite my tongue ALL THE TIME and even sometimes I am not successful. I mean there are things I feel strongly about that I want to discuss with ppl and breastfeeding is not always on the bottom of the list. Some of my friends feel it's gross or unnatural and despite the fact that I didn't do it I still think it's beautiful and wonderful and perfect BUT I work hard to let them have their own opinions and respect them and not ask them to change for me or to listen to me 'preach' about what I think is right for them. Friendship should be more about acceptance than change.

And I think enjoying the differences and not trying to make ppl just like you can be rewarding if you let it. I am blessed with a diverse group of friends that I really, REALLY enjoy and I love that we're from all different backgrounds, religions, opinions...our walk of life have been different and hopefully they'll continue to be and they'll broaden my horizons and I'll broaden theirs and we can continue to be friends and love and accept our differences. I hope (think) that I have found friends that do not want to change me or make me a cookie cutter of who they are or what they think but respect me because I DO have my own opinions and I will not bow to someone elses version of me that I should be.

And if you don't like me because I had a differing opinion from you OR because I voiced it then maybe we shouldn't be friends. Maybe you should try to go be friends with someone who you 'think' is just like you and we'll see how that works out...

I love the differences in all my friends...it gives me something to bitch about to my husband..lol. 'Honey, do you know what they are doing, you want believe this...'. I DO NOT agree with all my friends but I hold my tongue and resolve to like them even though they chose to be different than me. :) I actual revel in the differences. I like to ask questions because I was born with an inquiring mind and I wanna know. Maybe I like to hear the differences because I think my way is better BUT I'd never tell you that because I believe in your right to choose (well, except for my sis maybe) and I believe in your right to make mistakes and learn from them (cuz we know I'm right) and I will avoid saying ' I told you so' because I didn't tell you so...I only 'thought' it.

Wow, this is EXACTLY why I don't blog late at night in a 'foreign' country. ;) TEXAS. Because I get CRAZY and start speaking my mind (I think) until I decide maybe I don't even know my own mind and that I should just SHUT UP. So g'nite all.

P.S. I would like to know why when I do spell check that it always wants me to capitalize Internet. Big, whoop-di-do, I suppose Bill Gates thinks his 'invention' deserves a capital ... WELL, from now on, I REFUSE. I reserve the right TO NOT CAPITALIZE if I don't want to so THERE. HA.