I feel like this letter has been a long time coming. I should have sat down and wrote it a long time ago. There are a few reasons I didn't. I don't have alot of nice things to say to you and I do TRY to live by the rule that if you have nothing nice to say you should just shut it. No matter what you may believe of me I'm never rude or mean just for the sake of it. I also never wrote the letter because I honestly believe it won't make a difference. You won't change...you can't and my mind won't change because I'm stubborn and I'm fed up. I also didn't write it because I hate to engage you in any way. I would rather live without the drama and replying to you or acknowledging you in any way just adds to it...unfortunately. I ALSO didn't write the letter because I was afraid instead of just accepting (not your strong point) you would promise to change things or find excuses for them (your strong point) or try to ingrate yourself to me more when I really don't want that. SO..now I will write you the letter..
Deciding I didn't want to be your friend wasn't a short decision or something I made on the fly...it wasn't because of a small incident or wet wipes or whatever you THINK I'm petty enough to drop a friendship over. It wasn't because I found new friends or I'm snobby or whatever other excuse you've came up with that makes me look like the one making the shitty decision here and you were an innocent victim (something I know about you, you like to play the victim). It started long ago...when I first met you I wondered why your kids clung to me and were so loving with me and then I saw you push Elizabeth away one time when she wanted a hug (I saw you push Abby and Elysia away as well) because you were trying to teach her 'boundaries' you said. I thought...well, I'm not gonna tell someone how to raise their kids ..it's not my place. I saw how you 'potty train' your kids which is the stupidest thing I've seen yet. It's not THEIR fault they aren't potty trained til they are 6 or 7 but YOUR fault. They have an accident and you start yelling they aren't trained and stick them in diapers/pullups again right away. You talk loudly and obnoxiously about how they don't WANT to potty train...thereby making up their minds for them. I've seen you let Jacob sit in poop for WAY too long waiting for David to get there so HE will change him. And then you wonder why he always had a butt rash. I've seen your kids shaking from your lack of feeding or giving them basic things like water. I've seen Elizabeth pee herself because you were TOO LAZY to take her to the bathroom and then you YELLED at her because she had an accident. I've seen you sleep all day and brag about how much Jacob likes his playpen (where he shouldn't stay ALL the time no matter how convenient that is for you!) or gripe about what your kids get into when you should be up watching them instead of staying up all night when they are sleeping. I've never seen someone hate being around their kids that much and yet can't wait to have another. You don't need anymore children. You and David have one of the worst marriages I've ever seen. AND IT'S NOT HIS FAULT. It's not, it's not, it's not...QUIT TELLING YOURSELF THAT. He loses his jobs because you are too demanding. TOO DEMANDING. You fight in the parking lot at work! You hang out at his job which is completely inappropriate! You act like you can't believe his work didn't think it was ok to hang in the office for hours. He's gonna wind up losing his current job for many reasons..starting with the fact that you hang out there and use their pool like you live there. INAPPROPRIATE! I don't know if your Mother didn't tell you when things weren't socially acceptable or if these kinds of things ARE socially acceptable in your family but they are NOT the norm. Another topic, inviting yourself to things. NOT APPROPRIATE. If you didn't receive an invite there is SURELY a reason why. If you ask people if you can come...most people aren't going to be rude enough to say no...especially if you have your CHILDREN ask why they aren't invited which BTW is unbelievably manipulative on SO many levels. First..your children should NEVER ever ever know when they aren't invited to something. Why would you hurt them like that? The party I have in mind specifically (though there are more, many more examples) was a FB invite that your kids should never have seen so you TOLD them they weren't invited to something. WHY OH WHY would you do that? And if people aren't inviting your kids...it's not them. There is nothing wrong with your kids. It's you. YOU. People don't invite you to functions because of you. There WILL be something wrong with your kids if they continue to be submitted to your wacky forms of parenting. GLEE IS NOT APPROPRIATE FOR YOUR CHILDREN. Maybe the music...but it's rated TV 14 for a reason. Back to your marriage...i have seen you be so abusive to your husband I wouldn't treat a DOG I hated like you've treated him.. Your divorce was BECAUSE you COMMITTED ADULTERY. I'm not gonna say your marriage wasn't in a bad way but that's your fault too. Oh I believe that David blows up and goes off the handle but I also believe it's after you've pushed every imaginable button to make him do it. I saw a documentary on abused husbands and I 've never seen one that more fit the bill than yours. If I had a wife (or husband) that laid up on his lazy ass all day while the kids were made to watch movies and the youngest was pinned in his playpen or toy room all day until ****I **** got home to do all the work for you...I'd blow up too. If my wife left me for another dude, brought him into MY house and into MY bed and then when he left her because she is NUTSO...she ran right back to me...yeah, that would be some understandable emotional baggage. You got pregnant with Jacob so you could MAKE Jared think it was his. You seriously kept pulling at straws to make him come back to you...and you went that far. Another topic, you carry a gun ILLEGALLY I might add in your glove compartment last time I heard you mention the topic. WRONG, WRONG, WRONG.
Oh, I know you Candace. I think the people that DON'T know you are the ones who still might hold some vestige of hope out for you. I know the little excuses you make for yourself so your self-esteem doesn't completely plummet but what you NEED to do is make some much needed improvements because YOU realize you need them and not because someone else says so.
You try to ride the fence religiously...in other words your a COMPLETE hypocrite. I don't know how you expect people to respect or want to be friends with you when your saying one thing and doing another. You admit to drinking alcohol which you KNOW is against Mormon beliefs and you STILL hold a temple recommend. I know it's for GOD to judge you but as a peer I can't help seeing what I see and I lose respect for you. I don't care if you don't want to be Mormon OR if you do..I have friends that are both but your hypocritical riding the fence is just WRONG on both sides. Mormon or no Mormon.
I think Elizabeth should be in school. I think your controlling and manipulative and the REAL reason she's not there is because you couldn't get your ass up and take her so she was missing too many days and the school was gonna hold you accountable. You can't write a note and say your child is excused. That is for the school to say. "I was too lazy to get her ready properly and walk her to the school bus stop" is NOT an excuse. If you let her watch the shows you do and TELL her the things you do...it's not YOU who should worry about their child but the parents whose children are associating with yours. She needs to learn how NORMAL people act and get a perspective that's not yours. You try to control your husband, your children and manipulate situations. You are no more a germophobe than.....any other person you just use that to CONTROL. You even use your pregnancies as a factor of control. You control your husband same as always ....he just puts up with more. You think you should get special treatment or be considered in a 'delicate' way but that went out with the 50's. You STILL have to watch your kids at the library EVEN if your pregnant...or otherwise..sorry if no one informed you. You meet opposition and roadblocks...problems with the law whichever way you turn and you keep acting like it's everyone else's fault when all you need to do is look in the mirror.
You want to talk about who KNOWS you...your Mother..who I can tell obviously thinks you have problems but doesn't know how to reach you. I was wondering why she was SO happy I was your friend and now I know it's because she sees you need some NORMALCY in your life. Your in-laws ...they are FINE. They've just been putting up with your crazy ass for too long NOT to know you.
I'm not GOD. I try not to judge. I disagreed with how you treated your husband but I kept my mouth shut cuz that ain't my business. I disagreed with your potty training, discipline, homeschooling, and most of the other things you do with your children but that's not my place to say. I believe people's marriage are their business and for the most part how they raise their children but I felt like by keeping my mouth shut I was condoning your behavior and I disagree with it, ALL OF IT. It got to the point where I couldn't keep my mouth shut...honestly the REAL breaking point was when I overheard you telling Melissa at the park about how David was possessed by a DEMON. I can hardly write this because it makes me so FURIOUS. If David was ever possessed by a demon then it's YOU. He can't seem to get away from your manipulative, destructive, controlling ways...but he doesn't seem to want to. That's one of the symptoms of abuse. I knew for a fact when I heard you say, "We haven't had a problem since we've been remarried." that that was the biggest lie because you had had a huge fight not a day or two before you said this to her. Then is when I decided I was done. I was gonna stop pretending you just had some different ideas and just admit that there is something wrong with you. I DO genuinely care for your children and I DO genuinely hope you get some help before you destroy them. I do wish the best for you but for my health, sanity and the sake of my children and mostly my husband who was getting tired of me rail on about all the things you said in our last conversation that I disagreed with..I had to see myself out of this friendship. I have a feeling that people have been trying to help you your whole life and it's never worked. I believe Davids parents are probably good people that want the best for their son and grandchildren and they've TRIED to reach you and then him and it hasn't worked. I know if they've failed then there's probably no way your gonna ever admit you need the help that you do.
In closing,.....your probably furious with me and hurt. I would be too. I KNOW I'm not perfect. I'm not the perfect wife and I'm far from the perfect Mother. I have made mistakes and will continue to make them. My marriage is not without it's own hiccups but I DO NOT have the abusive, cops getting called, "David ran into a tree", anger management class kind of marriage as you do. And my children are not perfect and I've never read a potty training book and some people may find my parenting methods confusing or even WRONG. They may disagree with my corporal punishment or the days we hang in our jammies all day and Kylie may have been late too school for a weeks worth of days this year already...but I am not you. My mistakes don't excuse yours. Too often I saw you use something I may admit as a fault of mine as an excuse for yours. If people felt that way about me or had problems with the way i did things then i wouldnt expect or want them to be my friend. And I'm sure you feel the same. I know your going to have a huge defense to all I've just said and in your mind you'll be right but I really don't care to see it or hear it because it's not going to change mine. I don't think I'm judgmental or mean. I can be friends with people and disagree with one or two things they do or say. My friends can be different from me...many of them are BUT in your case I feel like there's too much and it requires more than a friend...it truly requires GOD or meds (or both). It requires you actually admitting some blame. I think your abusive, manipulative and controlling and I can't be friends with THAT.
When I first decided to put some distance between us then I was going to be civil, polite and even attend the same playgroup BUT YOU started texting other people, asking our friends about it...who didn't even know what was going on...YOU made it impossible to be civil. You are pushy and obnoxious. You drove an even larger wedge between us and there's no going back. Civility is not something you comprehend.
Sincerely,
Ginger
