WHAAAT? and Giving the Gift of Breast Milk (do it!)r

Soooo, I don't know if this new friend thing is gonna work out. I met this chick ONE time at the park for a couple of hours. It went well.

Well, yesterday I was on the computer at like 8/830 a.m. on FB. I was still in bed but had made a FB update and then I liked Kyria's status about how she was going to encapsulate a placenta for a woman who had UC that night (unplanned). Anyways, she messaged me and asked if I would watch her kid for a couple hours. I was a little flabbergasted. Who asks someone to watch their kid that they met at a park for a couple of hours? She doesn't know me. We have a mutual friend but she didn't even ask her anything about me. I had been commenting back and forth on a Wall Post with this mutual friend saying how I would be home and she could come by around lunch to look at some girl clothes (I'm selling all my girl stuff that's less than a 2T). Sooo, Kyra knew I was going to be home. I said she could bring her by. She said she would be here in a half hour and I gave her my address. I jumped up and tried to make my house presentable (I warned her it wouldn't be that great). She arrived and I asked if she'd like to come in and look around. She said no, I'm in a hurry. Here is her bag of food and some diapers. She is gluten intolerant (which I did know) so she has carrots, hummus, dried seaweed snacks, dried apricots and some nuts. It's laundry day so I just put a plastic bag in here for dirty diapers (she cloth diapers). I was still a little shell shocked she didn't even want to look around. I mean she's a pretty crunchy AP Mom and here she's dropping her kid off with a stranger and has no questions. She left and I realized she didn't even give me her number!! I had no way to reach her in case of an emergency and she had no way to reach me! The little girl is not quite 2. It went ok though and Kyria arrived about the correct time to pick her up. She asked if she could get on my Internet and look some stuff up. She wanted to call this new Mom. She was being pressured into taking the baby to the hospital and Kyria wanted to help her and make this the wondrous experience it should be instead of let the hospital brow beat her into something stupid. She hung out for another hour or two. It felt longer, lol. She's very quiet which leaves you feeling like you must compensate in the conversation...or wonder why she isn't leaving if she doesn't want to talk, lol. Anyways, I'm not washing my hands of the whole thing just yet but I definitely felt some red flags fly up.

OH, and about her diapers. So the little girl was getting a little saggy and I decided to change her diaper. Kyria doesn't use anything fancy. They are some cheap pockets stuff with prefolds or covers with prefolds trifolded inside or some GMD (Green Mountain Diaper) fitteds with a cover. I went into the bag and these GMD fitteds were GROSS. I mean GROSS. They were stained and stiff. I know line drying can make them stiff (I often line dry mine. I have the exact same ones..even the color (the come in different sizes which are recognized by color)) but this was NOT that..I mean not all that. They were not cleaned well and so stiff that they would chafe your ass. I mean I don't even know how I would have bent them and put them on her. I WAS NOT putting those on that child. I don't care what her Mother sent. They were filthy...not just slightly stained. I mean dark brown nastiness. I was going to get some of Ezra's diapers but remembered her Mother did say that I would probably get a morning poop and I don't mind someone using Ezra's diapers but other kids poop....I wasn't in the mood to clean those. I did dig way down and find an acceptable pocket and I got one of Ezra's GMD prefolds and stuffed it and put it on her bum. Her diapers don't fit well either. Her little legs are skinny and they didn't have rise adjustments..or at least not the one I used. N-E-WAYS, I feel sorry for her poor bum, lol. I mean I know I sound all snobby and judgmental but Ezra's diapers are NOT like that. He has 2 diapers with stains (that's been bothering me and I need to sun them) but they are very light..you can tell it's a light stain, not poop that didn't get removed well.

Another notable thing I guess that happened was that I was nursing Ezra and the little girl came toward me and sounded like she said Mama and she got sad. She went to Kylie (my oldest daughter who was 'mothering' her) and hugged her and sat in her lap. I just thought she suddenly missed her Mom. Then when Kyria was here her daughter came to me and looked at my boobs and pulled on my shirt. I thought, is she wanting to nurse? I didn't say anything but she immediately went to Kyra and asked to nurse. THAT was what she wanted. I wonder if she is nursed by others often? I have always said I would nurse someones child if I was babysitting (and the Mother knew and was ok with it of course) or an occasion arises that I should need to but in the moment I thought....how awkward. I mean it didn't even dawn on me that is probably what happened when she saw me nursing Ezra til later. Having a situation arise like that makes me think more. There are so many things that on paper you think would be fine but when you actually see it in practice it's different...but it's just learning to open your inner eyes and look at it in a different light. Just because your not use to seeing it (or doing it) doesn't mean it's wrong. I'll never forget the first time this phenomenon occurred to me. I had a best friend who was gay and I knew it and I had even met some of his 'friends'. But the first time I saw him kiss a guy ....it was so awkward for me. But I thought I'll just have to get use to it. It's weird for me because I've never seen it. If I see it more then it will become 'normal' for me and I won't that that ...shock or awkward feeling. And it did. I soon accompanied him to the gay club and even on weekends with his dates. So just because I immediately felt awkward doesn't mean I always will. I wonder what Kyria's thoughts on this are? We did talk about donating breast milk and sites like Human Milk for Human Babies and Eats on Feets. I think those are WONDERFUL wonderful organizations. You know the WHO (World Health  Organization) actually recommends donated breast milk be given to your baby before formula? Breast milk is such a wonderful thing. I wish I had the willpower to pump. I just HATE pumping and I don't want to deal with the oversupply. That makes me feel selfish. Plus (ok, this is going to sound very cynical) I worry about why the person can't bf their babies. I wouldn't mind donating to a REAL need. I mean someone with cancer or surgery but not to someone who just wasn't informed and didn't know that they WERE making enough milk. Relactation is possible for those women in most cases. It's a hard job to pump and if someone is just handed that liquid gold I'm not sure they get the price that was paid for it. I know. I've pumped some and nothing makes me feel more like a cow. I was trying to get a freezer supply but I think we have 5 fucking ounces, haha and I gave up. That shit is for the cows.

Speaking of cows, that has been a whole pet peeve of mine lately. How come are we comfortable drinking the milk (meant for calves) of another species but are weirded out by drinking our own species milk? Cows are milked and handled in deplorable conditions. They often have E.Coli and mastitis. Their milk is so full of crap that it is basically broken down and rebuilt by the the pasteurizing and homogenizing process. We are the only species that drink the milk of another species. We are the only species that continue to drink milk past childhood. WHY? Would you drink dog milk? Well, why cows? I'm not drinking calf milk anymore. I will cook with it but that's it...and I will probably use coconut or almond milk if I can...I would use my own if I could pump, haha. And the kids are not gonna be forced to drink it at school either. They said if I supply the children with water that they can drink that. Sounds like a plan to me. We get Vit D from lots of other sources (including the sun) as well as calcium. The Chinese don't drink milk and they have the lowest occurrence of osteoporosis.

I want to pass on my knowledge to my children. I was nursing without a cover a few days ago at the park and Kylie yelled Don't you need your cover? That makes me sad that she thinks I need to hide or be ashamed of feeding my baby when he's hungry. That cover is hot and Ezra has started pulling it off when he can. Why should he feed under a blanket? People who have a problem with it should eat their dinner under a blanket then tell me how it is. She is 100% for bfing and cloth diapering though. She is also an intactivist. I have thought that I hope she doesn't go to school and tell everyone how they shouldn't cut foreskins off baby boy's penises, haha. I'll be in the principals office before the year is up I bet, lol. Ah well, she's right. We shouldn't.

Pardon for the jumbled post. I start to write about one thing then leap to another thing then off again.

Meet new friends...

So my friend is leaving. I'm so sad. I finally FINALLY make a new friend and she's so nice and we're so on the same page and her stupid hubs gets a stupid promotion and now they are moving again. You'd think I wouldn't be surprised. I know how transient this town is. I gave her an Amber necklace for her baby as a parting gift. I can't believe how bummed I am about this. I mean we've only met a hand full of times or maybe a few more but not many.

On a cheerful note I did make another friend. It's amazing how small the world is. She went to a LLL meeting in Logan, Utah were an online friend (who makes cloth diapers) goes and she heard she was from here and knew I was so she connected us up. She knew I was looking for fellow cloth diaperer's and breastfeeders. Even better this chick (her name is Kyria 'pronounced Ki-ra') is starting a LLL here! She is well on her way to being a IBCLC, YAY! I met up with her and Allison (first paragraph chick) at the park and we had the nicest chat. She's kinda quiet. Oh Lord, we know I'm not. She better speak up or I'll talk circles around her, haha. She seems very nice and I'm glad I met someone else. Funny thing is she said she saw my van (with all my stickers. Did I show you my stickers? Well, I have intactivist stickers, and bfing stickers and cloth diapering stickers, haha...well, they are magnets really) and followed me for a little while one day because she was trying to meet a kindred spirit too. Foy saw all my stickers by the way (along with the newest one that says "Breastfeeding for all. Circumcision for none.) and said Dammit Ginger, another one..we already look like a fucking hippy caravan, haha. He so funny. She is also starting classes this fall to becoming a midwife. She would love to start a practice here...oh, maybe I could be a doula one day. That would be so awesome. It's way too soon to go there though. Despite all her quietness though she is spunky and I like that. She has pissed off all the pediatricians in town because she tells them WHY they are giving bad advice about bfing and starting cereal at 4 months. I told her I just nod and do what I want but she said she just can't. She sees a chiropractor in town for her daughters well child check ups. I thought that was an interesting choice but I'm not completely sold. Plus all I want the well child for is weight checks (my scales suck ass), his head circumference (that worries me and I want to keep an eye on it) and his height which I could check at home I guess. I won't listen to any of her 'doctors orders' anyways, lol. I heard she would be cool with my not vaxing too and I've already made a point for her to know she is not to retract him (but I will remind her every appt anyways).

Anyways, one friend is leaving but I have perhaps made another. It just sucks that the long winter is coming (that sounds like a line off Game of Thrones...) and now I'm friendless. It seems so much easier to make friends in the Summer. I'm being dramatic anyways. I'm not FRIENDLESS. I have friends....just...ya know.

Please someone take a card, any card.

On my trip I also bought breastfeeding cards to hand out. They say something about "Thank you for nursing in public." and has a little saying about feeding your baby when he's hungry no matter where. I did NOT see a single person NIP with a cover or without. I specifically got the cards that were for either because as someone who uses a cover often I think if that is what your comfortable with then you should. I would love someone to say encouraging words to me so I got them so I could give encouraging words to other women. I literally haven't seen ANYONE  NIP anywhere! It makes me sad. Sometimes when it would be easier to sit in the car I NIP just so I can say, see this is normal. This is ok. This is a great, convenient way to feed your baby.

That's what necks are for!

Ah, hello old friend. There have been times when I have looked upon my blog with animosity and trepidation. Now I feel as if it's an old familiar friend, a place to let my hair down. I would compare it to the feeling I get when my breasts are full of milk and I finally feed my baby. A sense of calm, peace and utter relaxation overwhelms me. I can't even begin to describe how awesome that rush of oxytocin is.

I went to Texas and back. It wasn't bad at all. The baby did well for the most part. I guess when I say it went well you have to think well this is Ginger saying this. I promise if a lot of other women had taken the same trip it would have been nothing but horror and bitching the whole way. The kids were kids. Kylie got a virus on the ride back and puked in the hotel and the car and gas stations..and the side of the road. We managed it though and never actually got it on anything and anyone but a few splatters on her and the best part is no one else got it. I was sure they were.

I know I had a few blogs I wanted to write and never had time and now I can only remember one. Well, one thing I wanted to bitch about. The nursing with a cover shit. The hubs gets all weirded out if I nurse without a cover and starts standing in front of me blocking people. I don't know how to explain to him or help him see that I'm doing something natural and that my breasts aren't even really showing and so what if an inch of skin is....you see more than that in the display area at Victory Secret. Well, I have spent time trying to tell him and he gets how it makes me feel I guess but my Mom was a whole 'nother ball game. I'm not going to try and explain to her. I did not use a cover in her house though and she knew from her visit here that I wouldn't. My bros might see a little bit of my boob or not or they can look away. They are just boobs for Christ sake! Then when we were at my Grandma's I refused to use a cover for the most part. I was going to feed him when we had company at her house. Just before I popped my boob out I looked around and it was my Grandma, Mom, 2 great aunts, my aunt and my brother..which were all fine but then I noticed my Aunts Grandson in the corner and was about to pull out my cover and before I could my Mom saw me looking and what I was thinking of and shouted, "Ginger you need your cover!". AAAGGH, she makes me so angry. I'm getting more comfortable nursing in public NIP and she better just get use to it because soon I won't be using a cover EVER.

I feel that I just discovered all these wonderful things and I need to do all of them before my baby grows up. I have so many regrets now with the girls. I regret mostly not breastfeeding them! I regret not wearing them more (or at all really) or co-sleeping. I regret too much mainstream parenting and not thinking out of the box. I regret vaxing them. No more vaccinations for them and Ezra hasn't had any..and won't be receiving any after my research.

I feel I have so little time to do all these things and to experience them. I just want to do it all at once. I have an Ergo, mei tai, ring sling and Moby and now I'm obsessed with getting a woven wrap. I keep hearing good things about Didymos but there are so many choices. I want to do it all! Some people might say it's a lot of money..but then it isn't their money so they can shut their piehole. ;) Not that I have to explain myself but I can resell all these things I'm buying...including the diapers. And mostly I just don't care. I want to do it. I do things I want to do. PERIOD.

I also am a raging intactivist. I carded while I crossed 5 states and had fun doing it. I left cards in gas stations, gas pumps, restaurants, hotels....oh, any old place. I also carded Walmart yesterday. I felt like a rebel. I even had Kylie help me, haha. She was like is this illegal Mama? She knows all about circumcision. I have talked to her about not removing things from little boys that is permanent. That their bodies are owned by them not their parents and they should have the right to decide. I haven't really discussed the uses and reasons to leave the foreskin on...since that's a little more involved but I did say it was a part of a little boys penis that they cut off.  I really feel the need to inform people about circumcision. So many people only do it because they just don't think. I would have if it hadn't been for someone mentioning it to me and then all the debates I saw online leading to my own research. Here is on pic of carding I took.

It's the blue card. I figure people are stuck here reading this crap then they might as well  learn something. 

Me with the ring sling. Pardon the way I look like crap. This was my first time trying it out. Feel free to constructively criticize.  I don't have this all figured out yet.

Our new Pac-Man woven pieced CHC. LOOOOVE. 

This one is my fav CHC so far though. It's so fantastical. It's blue snails if you can't tell. I am a new fitted addict. 

This is a Yiddle Doppers. I love the boy rainbows. Foy was all frowny about it but eff him. ;) 

To end this blog that was essentially about....nothing. I found this saying that had meaning for me. It really spoke to me.

Babywearing again!

Quickly just another pic. I am loving the Ergo much more these last few days. I hate my eyes here, lol..but it's the best babywearing photo I have right now so what-ev. ;)

Marriage Equality

I support marriage equality. I believe that men should be allowed to marry men and vice versus. I had a very good gay friend in h.s. and college. He is still gay and though we have drifted apart I still feel the same way I did then. What he is doing is not hurting me. I want him to find happiness and love wherever he can.

Well, the baby woke up. I will finish these thoughts later.

SPAM: FLUFF

More fluff spam.

 These are CHC fitteds. LOVE the Argyle print. 

 My Munchi plaid. I am trying to get more of her extremely popular diapers!

 I am in love with this new Cat in the Hat. I usually only buy from WAHM's that are recommended to me but I just randomly picked her off HC. This diaper is superb though.

 JB Baby cuteness. I love all the snaps on this diaper. Sometimes he seems like he's in between two sizes but this diaper has so many that I can always find the right fit...and it's SOOO soft. 

 We also have prefolds. I have since started using the jelly roll fold because it holds the poop in better. I use these at home sometimes...though never over night because I don't have pieces of flannel to make them stay dry and I don't want to deal with rashes because his skin stays wet. 

Life is fun. Diapers are fun. My baby is fun. I truly live a blessed life. You know I don't claim to be very religious. I like to say that I have had enough stuffed down my throat and I know I definitely have beliefs that most Christians would shake their head at...but I prayed. I prayed a lot when I thought Ezra might have to have surgery on his head. I feel like a hypocrite because of it. But I did. And I don't care. If it was God or nature or just WAS...I'm thankful my baby is ok. I'm just plain THANKFUL.

No CRANIO.

Soooo, I found out I have a reader. Well, I have at least 3-4 readers by my count. It's weird to think of people reading what I write. I treat my blog sort of like my diary and knowing people read it is......weird. How's that for great vocabulary? ;) I told someone recently that my blog is where I take my skin off and lay around. I rather liked that turn of phrase. Sometimes lately I've done less of taking my skin off (other than the craniosynotisis one) and more just informing and talking about what is going on with me.

Ezra does NOT have craniosynotisis. Honestly getting this news was like.....being let out of prison. It was like living the first day of your life over again.

I don't even remember how the day started. It was all a blur til we got to the hospital. Oh wait, I remember. On my way to the hospital my Mother called to tell me that she had let my brother go to live with my Father (who is dead to me if you remember from previous posts) BUT she changed her mind before they got too far away because she couldn't reach him so she picked him up. She had told me she might do this. At the time she told me I decided in my head that I was going to take him. I would be good for him and my Father is a jackass. I thought I had more time to tell her though. I talked it over with Foy and he agreed that we could take him. I told my Mother this when she called to tell me about the debacle with my Father. She said she didn't need it now..that she'd be fine. She's short on cash and not sure if she's gonna keep living where she is or if she's gonna have a car. Her life is in it's usual upheaval, sigh. It makes my heart and head hurt. I honestly have to try and distance myself a little because I just don't know what I can do...or even what I want to do considering our history.

THAT was how my day started. We arrived at 130 for his appt that was at 220. Nervous much? Oh yeah we were. We signed in, got our paper work and were ushered back rather quickly. After a quick consult the doc said, "I wouldn't usually even do the CT since it's so obvious but his isn't so we'll do the CT.". Right there is why I would NOT have been using this surgeon. Who cuts into people's heads without CT's to confirm? CRAZY. I was surprised he sent us so quickly. It took forever at the imaging place down the hall. Of course it was not as easy as the doc said it would be. They didn't have us on a schedule so we had to be fit in. I was nervous they wouldn't be able to get it and we'd have to make another appt and get sedation. I did NOT want to sedate my baby. I was pretty adamant about that. He fell asleep and I hoped he would stay that way (knowing he wouldn't cuz I know my baby). I went alone and left Foy in the waiting room with the other children. He woke up as soon as I laid him down. She strapped his hands down, his chest down and his head down. He was PIIIISSSSED. So she asked if I thought he would take a paci. I told her no but she could try. She put sugar water on it and he took right to it. I was so relieved. He looked so tiny in there. I was so anxious. His paci fell out once and I looked at her anxiously. I was in the room with him (wearing my metal jacket thing). She motioned at me to replace it. I did. It only took less than 10 minutes though. When he was done he snuggled his head into my chest and went back to sleep. I loved it. I love him so much. SOOO much. We headed back to the neurosurgeon for the results. This wait took a little longer though not as long as the imaging. Of course I had my boob out when we got called so I left it out under the cover, lol, and we headed to the room. I didn't even get him latched back on when the doc dropped by and said his head was fine. The sutures were open and his head should round out soon. Elation doesn't do it. I wanted to run, not walk away from that hospital and NEVER look back. 

Normal. Back to normal. Normal is definitely nice. 

All you need is a scare like that and suddenly you are the luckiest person alive. I felt like the luckiest person alive.