So I've been spending a lot of time weighing the important question of wether to have another child or not. It's never a question I've taken lightly...bringing another child into the world and specifically into my life deserves all of my grave attention. Of course this decision probably predominantly effects me but secondarily of course my husband so he gets some say so in the matter as well. But when I asked him (one of the times because I've been bringing it up a lot lately) he said, "I don't really care or feel strongly one way or the other...it effects you more than me.". Though, reader, I just pretty much confessed the same thing it was confusing to hear it actually come out of his mouth. Mainly because I've been putting a lot of thought and time into this decision and ultimately together it is one of the most important decisions we will ever make.

I am getting older. 32 in January. The girls are moving on to new phases, new things, new chapters...I want to be the best Mother I can be and when I try to put my feelings aside (Do **I** want another baby or not?) and just think of them...what would benefit them and be completely honest...I don't think it's beneficial to them to have another sibling. Sometimes I look at my little family and feel so complete. Actually I almost always feel that way. Complete.

I want to spend my time coaching, cultivating, watering, encouraging and being the best Mom I can be to the flowers already in my garden. I want to expand all my energies on to helping them, cultivating them...to be the best women they can be. Having another child is honestly less money and less time to go around...less one on one time. I love my children so dearly and I LOVE spending time with them.

It could be that I never ache for time away from them because I have such an amazing, supportive husband. I never have to be happy my children are gone because he allows me (or I demand) that time when I need it and he's always been wonderful to comply. He thinks men should take an active, involved role in taking care of their children. I think a lot of his willingness to help comes from the fact that in the first 18 months or so of K's life...because of our job schedules you would have probably said he was the predominant care giver. He's always been so amazing and such a wonderful father.

I don't know...I still haven't made the final decision on having more children though this blog may sound like I have. I do feel I'm getting to the age where my biological clock is ticking rather loudly...but I don't want to rush a decision or make one for the wrong reasons.

I have a healthy marriage, a supportive family, I'm a SAHM so I CAN devote my full attention to my offspring...and much like people who are crazy never questioning they are crazy...probably the fact that I can voice the concerns I have means I am aware of them and can make wise choices should I decide to have another child. I would make sure I had the time, energy, attentiveness that I needed to give each child..

To War or Not to War

Oh gosh, it's been so long. We're all doing well here and that should dispense with the nicesties. <--ok, sometimes I make up my own words. The girls are getting big and they are beautiful as always. HEY, we might even have another one one of these days...

You know I may have posted about this before...I guess I should label my post better but I would just like to post on the fact that I am FREAKIN' Amazing Mom but I'm so much MORE than that. I'm a good wife, lover, friend, Mom, sister, daughter, grandaughter,...I am endless possibilities. You know I was recently reading a book and it spoke about how when a woman dies it is sadder than when a man does and when questioned why this man thought so he said something that I thought was meaningful and beautiful...When a woman dies, with her dies endless possibilities. Her man, a man, protects and provides for his family but she can always find another one of these but with her dies more than that. I don't know if he meant it as such but I also like to think that a woman is full of eggs and she alone can nurture with her body those eggs and the children that they will make...I mean from woman comes all HUMANITY. The man might provide the sperm but he cannot carry, bear or even care for those children like a woman can...like a real woman can. Because in pointing this out I must point out those that do not conform to this description..women who are crappy mothers because there are those out there too. NOT as many women fail at being great Moms as men fail at being great Fathers but I think they are notable because I find them the most disgusting and degrading of all. We, women, are made to nurture..do you know I was thinking the other day that's why women aren't made for war. I was watching "Hurt Locker" and it's about the war and it shows men...men doing things that I don't know, as women, if we COULD do because we're not meant to. We are made for nurturing and caring and I would like to point out that that does not mean we CAN'T fight but we will fight only when backed into a corner mostly, we will fight when protecting our homes or our children. We don't fight because we like it or we have blood lust ...we fight to save what we nurture. That's why I was thinking that if there were (God forbid!) war IN this country that directly threatened my home or children then I would be more willing, eager even, to pick up my 'sword and shield' so to speak and protect me and my own. And I also might add that women are usually ferocious fighters when backed into a corner. We're notable for our voracity and tenacity. You think having an arguement with a woman is difficult, you should see what will happen if you threaten her or most of all her children. We will die to protect them. We will kill to protect them ...and no one NO ONE should ever doubt this.

P.S. I would like to point out that when speaking of women in general I know that we are all not the same ...I was mostly speaking of myself and my feelings.

P.S. 2 In speaking of fighting I mean fighting like war, to the death...not the argument you have with your spouse or the neighbor next door. I meant picking up your gun or your knife with the intent to kill another human being..