Sometimes a duck is just a duck.

First I'd just like to get it off my chest...my number one annoyance with Facebook today. People who can't decide if they are single or not and feel the need to Fb any change in such ASAP. There's a "friend" (air quotes around that word are not good) who is always airing his dirty laundry and relationship status via Fb ALL THE TIME and it's always changing. MAYBE and I'm not even thinking outside the box here...he should make a final choice, give it two weeks...and then two more weeks..before he post any changes again. OH and also super annoying is his "luving 'his significant others name here' and the kiddos" at the end of every status when he's NOT "single". That could be one of his problems there. If one or both of them is in need of such a reminder constantly then they probably already have issues. Anyways, on to the next thing..


“If it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, looks like a duck, it must be a duck”. That's been on my mind lately. Sometimes what it looks like is JUST what it is and nothing else.

Screwed up.

Foy has a cousin and she was married and they had two kids and they moved their trailer in next door to this single guy. Well, she got pregnant by her husband but was having an affair with the neighbor and divorced him. The child was a boy named Wesley and she married the neighbor she was having the affair with before the baby was born and they raised the child like he was the father (not the real father). They had another child and moved away. The two kids she had before she divorced her husband went to live with him and she had the other two. Well, I'm sketchy on the details but apparently she got on drugs, had some issues with her marriage...and left him and this two kids to go back to her original husband...not for an affair but just because he was her friend and she needed help. Well, now she has her two older children and has no idea where her two younger children (one of them being biologically the man she's living with nows child). And she's going on about her life.

I said all this to say....how fucked up. I could NEVER NEVER be separated from my children. I would rip this world apart..spend all my worldly fortunes...I would NEVER stop looking for them. I would feel incomplete if even ONE of my children were not there. To let this man...whose not even the biological father to the son that he has...to let him take my children.

And you know what bugs me too. When I first met Foy and was getting to know his family ...they made me sick talking about how smart she was. They went on like she was a fucking genius. SERIOUSLY, I don't care if your the smartest person in the world...this is all sorts of fucked up. That's all I wanna say about that...

I have a TITLE! PTO Treasurer. Whohoo.

I didn't feel like Facebook was the right forum for this...plus I didn't want to look like a dork and some of the PTO is on my Facebook but anyways....I am now the PTO Treasurer. Yay! And even though this is a title with pretty much NO work...I am So pleased with myself. :)

God Helps Those Who Help Themselves.....Idiot.

Alright, I gotta bitch on my mind this morning and I'm gonna get it off my chest here but feel free to not continue if your not in the mood...

I was reading an article about the Herimman fire this morning and was flabbergasted when I read that some ppl were refusing to evacuate despite mandatory orders stating so. This brings to mind the catastrophe that was Katrina in New Orleans. It might not be P.C. to say so but if your that fucking stupid then u deserve to die. There I said it. Do the population a favor and die. Somebody is gonna have to risk their life and spend a shit load of money cuz you ain't got no sense. Stupid. This house has got NOTHING in it (but my children) worth risking my life for. And I ain't naive enough to think my life or house are gonna be spared with a fire storm headed my way. In fact, I'm pessimist enough to think my house will be the FIRST to go.

Ok, I'm done with my morning rant. :)

The Monster You Created Doesn't Need You. I Pronounce You Unfit.

Don't like the monster you created? Too bad!

My parents are both kinda mad at me right now. We'll start with my Dad. He called me on the first or second day I got to Texas and said he'd like to see me and the girls and wanted to know what my plans were. I told him the minimal ones I had and he said he'd get back with me. He called the two days before I was leaving. I had plans for the next day and I was leaving the very next day SO needless to say, we didn't get to see him but honestly I didn't give a rats ass. I don't blame him for my childhood....or for my parents getting a divorce. God knows they should have divorced sooner but he did the best he could. He worked hard and was a good provider. What I DO blame him for comes down to one statement he made after the divorce. I said "I don't blame u for divorcing Momma but you didn't have to divorce us kids." And he said, "I just can't deal with her. If I have any contact with her like getting the kids from her then she'll make my life hell. I just can't have ANY contact with her." SO to sum it up....he hated my Mom so much that he deserted his kids and ran from everything. He abandoned us to her...well, my siblings because I was already out of the house at that point. Since then he's not had much to do with us. And so...that's why I don't go out of my way to make an effort to see him. Why should I? My Mom is mad cuz she called me one day last week about some of her drama and I was sick and honestly just NOT in the mood and she called me several times and finally that night I called her around 830 and she didn't answer (to my relief). I went to bed and she called at 945 but I had my ringer off cuz I was sleeping and she kinda left me a mad message. Well, subtle mad....I know my Mom so I know when she's mad. I called her at like 930 the next morning and no answer and we haven't spoken since. Honestly, she has the MOST drama and in some ways we are so different (a lot more alike than I like some too). Most of the time I can deal but that day I was sick...I was hibernating and was not in the mood and she should have respected that. Sometimes I'm afraid I'm too rough on her in my blog. She did cook my meals, buy and wash my clothes, make sure I got to school everyday...to some people I guess she'd be a gem of a Mom but she was abusive, violent. She couldn't deal with her anger quietly or fairly. She hit, kicked, throwed..she pulled my hair, slapped me. Ok, this wasn't where I was going. I'm trying to say that....compared to some Moms she was probably awesome but that still don't make what she did right. You see?

I pay for her Internet. I got her internet so that we could talk on Skype and keep in touch via the Internet and so when I'm down there I can have Internet. The hubs and I had a little....disagreement about this. See, we pay a 250$ a month note on a 4-wheeler that we bought for me but his Dad uses it. I want to pay $30 a month for my Mom some Internet. I told Foy...why does your Dad deserve 250$ and my Mom doesn't deserve 30$? I guess he's use to me talking crap about her but that doesn't change the fact that she raised me and she's my Mom...for better or worse. Family...you can't pick 'em, you just gotta learn to live with them. Needless to say, we pay her Internet. ;)

What I started this blog for is to say....my parents taught me in their own way to care for myself, to be independent, to be cold maybe. They taught me other people are unreliable. It's best to just depend on yourself...cuz really that's the only person you can trust. AND so I'm the monster they created.....deal with it I say to them. Yep, I don't need you. I don't rely you. You are unreliable. I lean elsewhere now.

Limitless Possibilities When You Carry Your Turtle Shell With You!

I see life as a means to a way. If I want something then I don't think about how I can't have it...I think about the steps that will get me there. I say "How can I make this happen?"

This feeling first manifested itself in the Summer/Fall of '99. I worked all summer while staying at my Grandmother's/boyfriends. I worked and saved money so at the end if the summer I could get my own place. I researched apartments, found a job in Lufkin and packed my car to the top (I didn't own any big furniture, just my personal belongings) and made the move and then is when I said to myself..."If I can move 50 miles away like this then what is keeping me from moving 200 miles....a 1000 miles." it was then that the true limitless possibilities surrounded me and I felt well and truly free to go wherever I wanted, BE whoever I wanted. So the people here know me as one thing...I can move at anytime and re-invent myself. Actually the first hint of life's limitless possibilities started when I entered college. My Mom (for reasons that I still don't really know) refused to support my going to college. She refused to give me money, support me, help me pay for it, find me a place to stay, fill out a loan paper....not a damn thing. I even had my boyfriend take me to take the SAT's. My Mom has always resented my fierce independence. I'd say I'm still fiercely independent even married with children. I can take care of myself. I hate feeling helpless or needy...you might as well kill me cuz that would be my version of hell.

There are times when I felt trapped after that...well, really only one. I was managing at Red Lobster, I was pregnant with my first child...we had bought our first house and I owned my first car. ALL these things cost money and I needed the money I was making as a manager to support our lifestyle. There were very few other jobs for a person that didn't graduate college that had better pay, believe me I looked cuz I hated my job. I DID feel trapped but I am one to know when there are no other options and to accept and move on (or so I thought). "I can accept the things I cannot change." Then my hubby rescued me and himself. He found a job that didn't require me to work, packed our belongings up, found us an apartment and sold our house. It seems like when life had me convinced I was trapped he was there for me and I've been there for him since. Speaking of, yesterday he asked me if I ever asked myself,"What are we doing here?" and after many questions on my part he said that he thought it came down to feeling like he was under this house...I think my hubby is feeling trapped so now is one of those times in his life when I'm gonna show him the light and rescue him SO..... our house is going on the market in about two weeks and the Wallace's are lightening their load and looking at limitless possibilities. That takes us to steps to getting what we want so the hubs next days off he nails down the baseboards in the upstairs bathroom (FINALLY!) and I clean our bedroom (PIG STY!). We take some pics and get them and some 'before' pics developed and saved to a CD for the realtor. We make a list of improvements and all the reasons why someone needs to buy our house and find out how much we need to sell it for to pay off our loan. Ta-da. And NO, we have no plans to move. IF (and boy is that a big IF) the house sales soon then we'll just pack up some stuff in storage and rent a house or apartment until the spirit moves us to do something else. I can't see us leaving this town for at least a year and that's even IF the house sales. I feel just fine "here" but if he doesn't then somewhere else we shall go...cuz I'm happy anywhere as long as my kids and hubby are there. They are my turtle shell...wherever they are is where my home is..the rest is just geographical.

Trees Bear Fruit (or what IS a nut?...besides me.)

I want to be sleeping....I laid down to go to sleep but my mind is too busy, too many things running through it. You know there is a tree @ my Grandmothers house that I planted when I was around 10 years old. It is at least 20 years old and it's a pecan tree and for the first time this year it's bearing pecans. You don't know how accomplished that makes me feel! Lol. As if I personally handcrafted each pecan! Because of an action that I did when I was merely a child there is a tree bearing fruit (nut?). I got this tree from Girl Scouts one Arbor Day and was told to plant it where I wanted. The tree had some hard times...we thought it had died at times...one time my brothers pulled and broke it so much playing that we were sure it was done for ....BUT IT LiVED. And now it is tall and bears ...nuts. :D This got me to thinking of Girl Scouts and how it could be a good program and should I enroll Kylie in it. She does cheerleading on Tuesdays and I'm gonna see about signing her up for gymnastics. I'd like for her to take skating lessons again and maybe swimming ones too at some point (I mean those are lessons that could save your life.) and she does soccer in the Spring and softball in the Summer. Anyways, so many choices..so many things to do and so little time. And I have to ask myself ....which ones are the right ones? Is cheerleading and dance the way to go? Is sports? What about music lessons? An instrument? Hockey? Horseback riding? Hell, who knows? I mean she could turn one of these into a lifetime habit. Sometimes when I think about cheerleading or dance I think of the stigma that surrounds it. You know...the floozy...ok, I'll just say it...NO ONE liked the cheerleaders...I mean the girls called 'em sluts and the boys played hard and fast with their reputations at times. But I don't care about high school....HIGH SCHOOL DOESNT MATTER. And if I cared about what ppl thought or imagined that rumors were true then I wouldn't be where I am now and neither would those cheerleaders. Most of the cheerleaders are good women now. They have good self-esteem, set excellent goals for themselves and most of them worked hard and got college degrees or most importantly they are doing what they love now. If I thought that what you looked like on the outside...your clothes, hair, skin color, eyes or even your parents got to decide who or what you are then I wouldn't be here. Let me explain, I was raised Pentecostal. I looked different from everyone. I had long, uncut hair, no makeup, only skirts, no jewelry, no paint on my fingernails. My skirts were required to be at least to my knee but mid-calf was most acceptable. We did not have satellite or cable. My family was lucky to have tv but I was only allowed G-rated movies. I didn't watch MTV or the Mickey Mouse Club. But that didn't say who I was inside. That didn't stop me from being me. OH, ppl judged me constantly based on my outward appearance just because that's human nature...that's what ppl do but that didn't make them right about me. I knew me. And it didn't stop me from doing bad...like they say, I can do bad all by myself. I was probably worse than all the cheerleaders combined. I probably slept with more boys and tried more drugs. I was a little bit like my tree at times to tell the truth. I was the worse for wear sometimes but now I bear fruit. :)

I guess what I'm saying is that what my girls are on the inside is what's gonna matter most and yeah, I might have something to do with that...but probably not by what extracurricular activities that I put them in but by how I act, speak and conduct myself on a daily basis. By how much emphasis I put on keeping promises, working hard and believing in a higher power. My every day actions are gonna speak louder than anything I'll do...and I'm not perfect (I'm sure that wouldn't be helpful to them at all) and hopefully letting them see how I deal with problems, adversity and that I can say "I'm sorry" when I've done wrong will help them. As long as I keep the emphasis on their school work and don't turn into a "stage mom" then I'll be alright...they'll be alright whatever we do.

But this whole blog has not really helped me decide on extracurricular activities, lol. I quit Girl Scouts by about Jr. High and I don't know of anyone that took it farther than that....but if nothing else came of my short stint....well, I have my tree so maybe that's all the reason I need to put her in Girl Scouts....or buy her a tree to plant. :) Oh and it's worth mentioning that I do think I missed my calling in life by being denied so much of a 'normal' life as a child. I think I was born to act. I wonder if any of my daughters have a flair for the dramatic. Well, I never wanted to be a cheerleader..never appealed to me but I was SO envious of the flag Corp. I use to stand outside with a broomstick and practice for hours on end and I was GOOD ....but that was not to be. I tried basketball but being the odd one out in your culottes was not something I liked too much and I tried band but being the only one in the skirt was ...well, not fun..though I was cooler (as in heat ;) than the others. I wanted so much to be a 'normal' person...to have my own room...to have a 'normal' mother. I strive to give these things to my children. The things I did not have they shall. I WILL give them sunshine, shelter and water and one day my little trees will bear whatever kind of fruit they want. :D

My pants ain't on fire!!

Alright I'm back blog but tawdry subjects and those fanciful flights have since taken a back seat cuz I'm pissed. Oh yeah, AGAIN.

I was on my way home from PTO and dropping Lexie's tuition at her school and grabbing some pizza when my phone received an email and I was at a stop light so I gave it a peek and hit delete (I get so much junk). And ok, I'm the first to admit that I probably shouldn't have been looking at my phone and I see cop lights in my rearview. Fucker was incognito. It looked like a suburban, no special markings but had interior cop lights....it was the Sheriff. Anyways, I pulled right over and realized what I was getting stopped for but what really threw me for a loop was his attitude...like he was pissed as hell at me from the start. He was instantly on the offensive. I've gotten stopped a few times in my life....ok, maybe more than a few and I've never had a cop be a bigger a-hole. I readily admitted to looking at my phone at which juncture he called me a liar and said I was texting. "I saw u pushing buttons on that phone, don't lie". Apparently the a-hole is technologically deficient and doesn't know u can "push buttons" on ur phone without texting. At that point I decided to cut my losses and smile and bare it....while gritting my teeth I was envisioning my triumphant court appearance where I bring my phone records in and call the a-hole on his deficiency. Anyways, "grin and bare it" just got me a warning but I guess you can say that the Sheriff didn't gain a fan. Actually I plan on looking into registering in this county tomorrow just so I can vote against the fucker in the next election. Needless to say, I've done a lot of grinning and bearing all evening. My kids have never been in the car when I've been pulled over so they were nervous and asking questions and I don't want them to fear police officers or think it's ok to break laws so I calmly explained that he was only helping Mommy to see that she was doing something wrong. I had a lot of bad words to call the man when talking to my hubby but out of the kids hearing. You know, I've been pulled over before and never had this strong a reaction but he called me a liar and I realize that he probably deals with liars and a-holes of his own on a regular basis but he doesn't need to take it out on me. I take being called a liar a very personal insult. I DO NOT LIE...not everyone does. You know he really seemed like he was having a bad day but u know what...you don't get to take that out on me. If your in a position of authority such as his you need to especially be sure your not taking it out on others. I could have passed on his bad mood and taken it out on my kids but u know what...I'm a better person and a better Mother than that and the buck stops here like they say. I will not let him make me an ornery, pissy Mom this afternoon. Sheriff Haskell.....I DO NOT GIVE U THE POWER!

Compartmentalization. Is that suppose to be a bad thing?

Would just like to confide in you blog that the hubby and I celebrated having two kids in school (and one napping).....yep, uh-huh...we celebrated in the living room. He's off on Friday..who knows where we might celebrate next! I would also like to confide that I have the best sex life EVER and I have more to say on this tawdry subject but it'll have to wait til later cuz right now I have to open the "I'm a fantastic Mom" compartment and go be that...with my bed head (or would that be couch head, floor head?). After that I'll be opening the " I'm a PTO Mom" compartment...

J-E-L-L-O

Do u ever get tired of being a big fat fucking cliche?

That's all I wanted to say....I wanted to Fb it but Fb is pissing me....no, i'm not going there again...I just mean cuz I have too many ppl that my mouth would offend and it's mostly their fault cuz I'm not one for friend requesting ppl. I figure If I ask you and then my mouth offends you, it's my bad but if it's the other way around then it's your fault.

BTW, my cryptic wanna be vaguebooking started out referring to Ashton Kutcher. I was Tweeting...sometimes it's so much easier to speak my mind there cuz...well, no one is there..anyways, I was tweeting and I follow him and sometimes he's so cliche. "Epic!" he says. What, doesn't everyone say that now. Maybe I'm just taking my pissed offness out on poor Ashton. It's my 8 year anniversary ( ok OUR...what the fuck ever) and I was totally down with spending it alone, cleaning, getting ready for school to start tomorrow AND then my honey came home and changed my plans and made me think we were gonna have dinner together (with kids of course) and now he's a no fucking show. Ggrrr. I've warned him about this before. I hate to expect something and not get it. I'm not one to get my hopes for the unlikely but if it looks likely or someone I trust makes promises.....

Anyways, I'm pissy. Won't be the last time I'll be pissy I guess....sure ain't the first.

And if you wanna know what I was tweeting ...well, there are no secrets on my blog. ;) I just said something about not having did this much hair removal since I got married and he better appreciate it. OH I did seriously come up with a good comic bit while I was nairing all the hair on my body. Some woman whose seriously excited about a date or going on a date for the first time should be nairing her legs and get a important phone call (possibly from this date) and forget she's nairing and accidentally nair her eyebrows. I thought if you did it right it could be a good funny bit. I come up with this stuff cuz I come so close to doing it myself. I'm so blonde and spacy sometimes that I could seriously imagine myself nairing my eyebrows EASILY.

Speaking of blonde and spacy, I'm smarter than you think I am. I'm someone you never wanna underestimate. I cover my slicing wit and intelligence with my blundering idiot charm. That way you never see me coming. :) on a similar subject (my intelligence or lack thereof), I saw an old friend while I was back in Texas @ Wally (where else?). And he teaches Senior math @ a local high school and we were saying how my brother needed a tutor and Otis says "Ginger was good at math". What universe was he on? I had another friend ( I'll admit this to you blog) that filled out a survey about me and I saved it. She said I was " one of the most intelligent people she knew". She was a smart girl and it felt good that she said so. I guess since I only use my brain, math, reading...skills these days to take care of a house and some kids then I need that reassurance now and then that the stuff in my head is not turning to jello as I go about fulfilling my mind- numbing daily chores. Though I do think Otis is suffering from memory loss. I was good at everything but if there was a thorn in my side then it was Math. One day soon I will take this jello in my head and shape it up and use it again...with purpose.