Bi-polar

It's hard to believe I'm the same person that wrote this, ironically just 2 days short of two years later my whole life would be changed. It's been a journey. As I read this over I began to wonder how I wound up where I am today. How did I wind up the person I am? It honestly didn't begin with an article or literature or study. It began with a renewed determination. It really started with the Lactation Consultant in town. From there, it blossomed with reading books like "The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding" and "Ina May's Guide to Breastfeeding". It came full circle when I started reading in my online breastfeeding support group (yes, I was there before I started breastfeeding.) when I saw the same issues and problems repeatedly coming up and the same reliable answers being given. "Yes, you do have enough milk. No, you don't have to stop nursing with that medication. Yes, bedsharing will help you sleep better while breastfeeding....etc."It helped to see nursing Mothers. And when did my mind and whole thought process about breastfeeding change entirely.....when I have and still am breastfeeding my baby because of support and knowledge from other women.

When I read what I wrote here I think about how I have admitted (though maybe not on my blog) that I felt that breastfeeding Mothers were trying to make me feel guilty or they were bragging and somehow in someway it was belittling to me...but now that I am one, I know that it has never been my intention. My intention is always to support and encourage nursing Mothers or those that intend to nurse. It's to encourage people to get informed on the subject. Even with all the things I had read in magazines and books, some of it was just not true. Just simply not true. I have never had mastitis, bleeding nipples, thrush...the only thing I've ever had is a milk blister twice but it wasn't horrible and went away on it's own. I CAN drink and breastfeed (I just can't get drunk.). I can pump. I can have a life. I can feed him in public. I don't have to feel trapped. My body is enough. My baby can be satisfied with what I make. Nobody EVER said those things to me. EVER. Nobody ever told me that your milk changes with your baby's needs. Nobody ever said hey, do you think formula could be to blame for all the allergies and stomach issues that kids have today? Nobody ever said hey, formula is made in a factory and could/probably does have bug parts in it. Nobody ever said hey, have you ever thought about a possible link between obesity and formula? If I had ever once been supported like I should have with my other 3 kids then they would have been breastfed too. Am I to blame? Partially, a little..I really blame the media, the pamphlets, books, hospitals that I read that were misinforming me. Yes, my kids were fairly healthy but think how MUCH healthier they would have been with breast milk. The bond is amazing. The sacrifice worth it.

Yes, by the time I was already feeding my babies formula it might have been too late, too hard to hear how great breastfeeding was. Maybe someone should have mentioned re-lactation. Hell, I might have tried it. Who knows? I'm a very different person than I was then. The same yet different.

How I raved about parent choices puts me in mind of circumcision. Lord knows I wasn't talking about that but now I feel differently about that too. I also feel that if Mothers are properly educated about breastfeeding and circumcision then I know what choice they will make...the choice that has the best interests of their child at heart.

I guess I should say that when I go around 'thrusting literature in your face' that my target audience is those breastfeeding or those who may have children in the future and wish to breastfeed.

I wish I had known then what I know now. Truth was, I was angry. I wish I had breastfed the girls. I wish it with all my heart. But maybe my anger should have been directed at those who deserve it. Those formula companies, literature and pediatricians who lie to and misinform women like me to set us up for failure.

I don't know if I'll help another woman with my literature and knowledge that I have now. I HAVE helped one already. I talked my cousin through her rough patches. I had her buy the LLL book. If nothing else comes of what I am trying to do with my informative posts then at least I have that. And if she helps one person then it lives on.

I want to strip away the lies, push back the curtains on the misinformation and HELP women. Help them break free. Find themselves. Find their power, feel their strength. Women helping women is the most beautiful thing.

I don't know if I was eloquent enough in this post. I don't know if I fully explained but I guess what I mostly have to say is I'm allowed to change my mind. I'm allowed to change me. I have really come 180 on many of my ideas and thoughts about lots of things. It really started with a few seeds and a few people and blossomed from there.