Sis's Wedding and Cloudy Days

I feel blah. I miss my sister. I want to be with her planning her wedding. I was talking to her and my mom today about the wedding and the whole thing makes me homesick. I regret purchasing those plane tickets that only allow me to be there the day before her wedding and leave the day after and I'm sorely tempted to get in my car and drive to Texas right now. Fuck it, right?

I'm not sure if I want to be there for her sake or mine. I'm bossy. I heard she was getting plastic tableclothes and I SO wanted to start in on the positives of using linen ones but I know it's not my money and I'm not there so I'm just trying to be supportive from afar. Blah.

I think the weather is effecting my mood. It's been cloudy and cool for the last two days. I'd much prefer sunshine even if it's cold. The cloudiness makes me feel even more gloomy than usual.

Midlife crisis???

I'm restless. When I use to get restless, things would get wild. I'd do crazy shit just to shake things up. I'd say something crazy or do something crazy. Now I'm a responsible adult with two kids, a mortgage, a car note and in-laws. When did things get so cut and dried? If I was any older (not that I'm not old enough), I'd think I was going through a mid-life crisis or something. How old do you have to be to be going through a mid-life crisis? Is there an age minimum on that?

Maybe I need a date night....or a 'get drunk and fuck some shit up' night!
I feel like I'm in the mood for some Limp Bizkit.

Advice and Happiness

" I'm not gonna write you a love song, cuz you ask for it, cuz you need one..."

So I finished reading my book about the hermaphrodite (It seems slightly demeaning to keep calling it that but it was the point of the whole book). I didn't think it was all that good..especially considering it won a Pulitzer. It brought up questions of gender..obviously and "nature vs. nurture" which is an old arguement. I'm not sure what year it won the Pulitzer but maybe IT was a new argument then.

You know I'm always wanting to give advice and I have to restrain myself. I know about unwanted advice so I try to keep my mouth shut. I find that in the subject of pregnancy, labor, and children I have definite advice to give and opinions about most everything. I heard some horror stories when I was pregnant that I could have done without so even though my first instinct when someone is pregnant is to start expelling sage advice I do try to refrain from giving it. BUT ..you knew there was going to be a 'but' didn't you...since I'm dying to say this..I'm going to say it on here. I mean after all this is my blog and you don't have to read it. This is NOT about pregnancy or children..it's about relationships.

You know what I hate..when ppl jump from one relationship to the next always saying that this is 'the one' or hoping it is or sure that God is somehow at work and he means for them to continue dating everything that walks..always looking for happiness or to be defined by some man. I want to shake them. HARD. And tell them instead of jumping from man to man maybe they should take the time to figure out who they are and what makes them happy besides a man cuz I'm here to tell you sister, men are fallible. And they fall often. Your happiness shouldn't depend on them. It should depend on you. Being happy with yourself and that will make everything else fall in place. Young ppl are especially susceptible to this. (Wow, that entire sentence makes me feel really old.)I sure made my fair share of mistakes and I'm sure they are not over but I'm gonna do my best not to make the same mistakes twice.

Another pitfall in offering advice is the quesion "Am I qualified to give advice?". Do I have all the answers? How ridiculous am I going to sound with my advice when what I'm giving advice about blows up in my face? God knows I don't have all the answers. I just have experience and maybe my advice is not about being right but trying to help you learn from my experiences or mistakes. My kids are not the most well-mannered kids and I'm not in the perfect marriage. So you might want to take my advice and stick it where the sun don't shine.....or you might want to take my little gold nugget and think real hard about what makes YOU happy.

On the subject of happiness I have a quote for you:

"If you observe a really happy man you will find him building a boat, writing a symphony, educating his son, growing double dahlias in his garden, or looking for dinosaur eggs in the Gobi desert. He will not be searching for happiness as if it were a collar button that had rolled under the radiator. He will not be striving for it as a goal in itself. He will have become aware that he is happy in the course of living life twenty-four crowded hours of the day."

This was given to me on a piece of paper by my Science teacher, Mr.Cannon in the 8th grade (I think it was the eighth.). I still have that piece of paper after all these years. I've continued to read it. When I was younger I thought it meant that I should build a boat,write music,become a gardener,have children and visit the Gobi desert. lol. BUT after reading it for so long, I realized it was the other part of the quote that mattered. Happiness will find you while your living your life. You don't have to find it.

Ice cream, hermaphrodites, and Wikipedia

So I haven't felt very bloggy (I know. I make up words.) lately but I almost feel like it's an obligation to write something on here at least every couple of days..well ya know for my millions one adoring fan.

The ice cream truck just came by. That's the first I knew of an ice cream truck.I have all the windows open today and I heard the music. I can't write this blog in front of my picture window with the windows open without mentioning what a BEAUTIFUL day it is. It almost feels demeaning just to call this day beautiful. It's the kind of day that makes you feel healthier just by breathing the air. These kinds of days were made for open windows, picnics and walking the dog. (If I had a dog..I would walk it today.)

I'm reading a book about a hermaphrodite and how he came to be and about his families journey here from Greece (It's fiction.). So as to learn all the meanings to the words I use wikipedia online. I laugh to myself when I think if someone looked at my history on wikipedia they would see some pretty off-the-wall things on there. Today I looked up androgynous and hermaphrodite (because I wanted to understand exactly what we were talking about here). So as to clear the air and so you won't think I'm a freak, this book was an International Bestseller and was a Pulitzer Prize winning book and also in Oprah's Book Club. The funny part is the cover doesn't say Pulitzer Prize winning--it says Oprah's Book Club. I mean which one would I be prouder of.

Yesterday on Wikipedia I looked up Le Pere Goriot (a novel written by frenchman Honore de Balzac), Howard Hughes (the famous billionaire who was a genius and an eccentric), Liberace (who was a performer in Las Vegas who could play classical music but chose to be a showman instead and make his pieces fun; he was also gay) and Christine Jorgenson (a famous transsexual).

I miss sex

I miss sex when it felt wrong to have sex, when it felt new, when something unexpected might happen...when it felt immoral and sometimes maybe even illegal. I miss when you almost wanted to go eeww but if felt too good. Ya know that feeling? Well, if you don't, then you should.

I don't advocate celibacy or waiting until your married. I know, how uncool of me. It's the cool thing to do these days. I do ADVOCATE waiting until someone special comes along. Hell, several someone specials will do. lol. I think waiting until your married is a recipe for disaster. I think only having sex with one person your whole life is not cool. I think you should get the sex, lust thing out of the way so you can find out if this is the person for you. After all the sex, lust stuff is over...you'll still be stuck with them "til death do us part." So maybe you should have more than that on the mind when you say those vows. Of course these days those vows don't hold alot of weight. Divorce being so prevalent and all. I also DO advocate condoms, birth control and honesty. You know, it is always the best policy. So I hear.

Back to missing sex. I watched "The Darjeeling Unlimited". I didn't like it overall but it did bring up the missing sex part. They do it in a bathroom...up against the wall and he licks his fingers before he he..ya know..to get her ready. Good times. He thanks her for using him and I know what he means. I miss that.

Documentaries

So I hate reality television. I don't know wether to call that a little known fact or a well-known one. I'm very verbal about it but it's not like I go around with it written on my t-shirt. One reason I hate them is the very addictivity (I make up my own words sometimes! HA!) and drama of them. Another fact about me (little known or otherwise) is that I hate drama. And I'm not one of those ppl that SAY I hate drama and then take relish in the drama of my own or others lives....I REALLY hate drama. Don't come to me with your tears or for that matter expecting my sympathy. I pretty much live by the motto that if you don't like it, change it. If you don't like your life, your husband, your body, your job...CHANGE IT! I don't have time for your whining and neither should you. Either change it or deal with it but don't whine to me about it! I feel mean but it's a fact...and if your honest with yourself you should know this. I will help you if you need it. Just say the word. But don't ever expect me to be the person that lets you cry on my shoulder. I'm not that person. I'm the person you come to when you want to change your life. I always speak sense so don't expect me to agree with you for agreements sake. I don't want you to agree with me for agreements sake. I hate that. I won't spare your feelings so don't spare mine. I'm abrupt and no-nonsense. My husband calls it rude but that's just that he misunderstands me.

I don't mean to say that I don't have a complaint now and then about this or that but I don't do any serious complaining about anything. I married him. I reproducted them. I moved here of my own free will.

I've gotten completely off track from what I started to write my blog about but I'm sure this won't be the last time that happens.

I don't like reality tv but I have found myself intensely interested in documentaries lately. I watched one about a married couple that waited until they were 65 to get cochlear implants. They were born deaf and suddenly wanted to hear at 65. It was a sweet, sappy, sentimental docudrama (I'd call it.). It made me cry but all in all, I liked it. I learned from it. Aren't you suppose to learn something from documentaries? I learned that sometimes sound is just noise and complete silence has it's advantages (especially with a 2 year old and 4 year old).

I also watched one on comas. They are mysterious. It was about 4 ppl who were initially in comas. In the end one died, two almost fully recovered and one would continue to live in a vegetative state. I learned that in recovering from a coma the window is a year. Any recovery you will likely make will be in a year. I found that very interesting. I have never made a will. (That's a whole 'nother blog subject.) But for those of you (millions thousands one reader out there) who read this blog, I would like to be given a year if I'm ever in a coma. If I can make it after that year without a ventilator or feeding tube, I would like to live.

Wow, this blog has turned way more serious than I meant it to be. I'm just killin' time while Foy plays the Wii. Well, tomorrow....

I'm baaaaccckkk!

So I'm back from SLC. We bought furniture. I love it. It's completely impractical and beautiful so what's not to love. I vow to never let my kids sit on it (seriously, is this possible? I doubt it.). It's teal and brown. I hope to post pics soon. I'm a little worried about fitting it all in since I got home and looked around but dammit, I'll make room. Heck, if we have to take out a wall...I'm keeping this furniture. I got 2 count them t-w-o couches, 2 chairs, a new dining table with 6 leather chairs, a serving buffet AND a new computer desk with hutch. I'm too happy for words right. ME--too happy for words.

I love SLC. It's beautiful. To live in a city with that gorgeous view all the time must be heaven. No wonder the Mormons settled there. Do you know SLC streets are completely built around the Mormons? Not just the streets, heck, the whole town. The Temple is the center of everything. Just thought I'd share a little info with you...a little known fact, well little known by me anyways.

Well, the kids are threatening to re-arrange their beautifully cleaned rooms so I must say farewell.

UnGodly Hour

I haven't been up this early in LONG time. I'm not a morning person, ok. Let's get that straight right now. Anything before 9 am and I'm about useless BUT I really want to go to SLC today so I have dragged myself out of bed at the ungodly hour of 8 am. I have had my Chocolate Truffle Gourmet Coffee and a lovely pastry. I might be almost human in an hour or so.

I've been spending alot of time thinking about my blog. I'm actually kinda obsessed with it. I keep pulling it up and taking a peep at it like it's my little newborn baby and I'm just checking to make sure it is still there. At first, I vowed to make only post about HIGHER THINKING. I wasn't going to mention being a SAHM (Stay-at-home-mom) or poopy diapers and the troubles with my girls. BUT then I hit reality and realized this blog should be about my ENTIRE life, poopy diapers and all. It's not like admist piles of laundry, dirty diapers, dirty dishes, dirty toilets and the remodeling (nice way of saying we flooded the basement) I have lots of time for HIGHER THINKING. (Yes, I am going to put that in caps every time.) I just want some acknowledgement that though I am a mom, I am also alot more than that. I have a ME lost in here somewhere. So this blog will be about my life. I'm going to pretend I have thousands of readers hanging on my every blog. So for you thousands of readers waiting with baited breathes for the next blog....I will be in SLC, Utah for a couple of days and the next post will be when I get back. Happy Mothers Day to all!!

I don't know if I'm ready...

So I don't know if I'm ready to start a blog yet. I was waiting to sit down and think of things so awesome to say that it would astonish everyone thereby gaining immediate Internet fame and tons of money.....I don't think I'm there yet. So I guess we'll just have to stick with what comes to my mind.....nothing.

Maybe I'll do better tomorrow.....