https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B0UUYL6kaNeBTDBRbkJkeUtabEk/view?pref=2&pli=1
I want to finish reading this. I only got halfway through.
But yes! Two or three things instantly popped into my head.
1) I am always saying I just want one day where the only ass I wipe is mine. In other words I'd like a day where my needs are the only ones I have to meet.
2) When my husband cooks dinner he wants endless gratitude and ass pats. I tried to explain to him that I cook dinner all the other nights and not because I need (or will get) endless gratitude but because we have children that have to eat. I wake up thinking about their needs. (Breakfast, lunch, dinner. Who is drinking enough fluids. Who needs to see the dentist. Who needs a new jacket. Are they getting enough social interaction. Do they feel loved.) I have this group thing I go to alone every other Tuesday. When it first started a year ago he would ask me what was for dinner. I would fucking answer and make sure I had a plan, picked up food before I left, or cooked. Then I was like, wait, is he expected to do that when he plans a night away from home? No. Why should I? He's capable of heating a frozen pizza, calling for takeout, or even cooking a meal. He's a grown ass man. So I stopped. Now he figures it out because I didn't give him a choice. Though I've noticed if the kids don't verbally remind him he will FORGET TO FEED THEM. Like, wtf. I could never forget this because that would make me a shitty Mom, right? Plus I just fucking care. I care if they are hungry.
3) My husband doesn't know the size of any of the kids clothes. Nada. He SAYS he can't even fold clothes because he doesn't know whose clothes are whose. He doesn't know their favorite colors. He doesn't know their favorite music. He doesn't know what their current favorite interests are. Before this thread I use to think I was being too hard on him because I spend all day with them (homeschool which is a whole other EL) and he doesn't but really fuck that.
4) He expects me to talk to his Mother but honestly it's not even him, it's her. She calls me and expects me to make arrangements for her visits or keep her abreast of her grandkids. I ask him all the time why does she call me. He even reminds me to call her. Just NO. His Mother, he should handle it. He is capable of making arrangements and talking to his own Mother. I shouldn't have to.
5) I plan all family vacations. If I wait for him to then we never go. I come up with some ideas, get his opinions, find sites, book tickets, do price comparisons, pack all the bags (4 kids and me) and his ONLY job is asking off but he will keep reminding me he needs me to make plans so he can ask off for the right time and acts like that is a huge emotional deal on his part.
6) He picks up after himself, washes his own clothes, buys most of his own personal care supplies like razors, shaving cream,...basically takes care of himself...and he thinks this alone should get him huge ass pats AND if you listen to other women he may be right. Not only emotional labor but there are so many women married to men who can't even pick up their fucking socks or wash their own clothes, which is like basic adult human being stuff. I sometimes feel like I should be grateful for a man who can take care of his own needs and I'm asking too much if I ask him to share in some emotional labor and giving a basic fuck about the needs of his offspring.
I day dream about him being forced to care more, seriously. I day dream about him having to wash their clothes, buy them presents, take them to functions and know times and people and shit, buy dance costumes and Christmas presents and Halloween costumes, and have to feed them three times a day plus snacks.
