Trees Bear Fruit (or what IS a nut?...besides me.)

I want to be sleeping....I laid down to go to sleep but my mind is too busy, too many things running through it. You know there is a tree @ my Grandmothers house that I planted when I was around 10 years old. It is at least 20 years old and it's a pecan tree and for the first time this year it's bearing pecans. You don't know how accomplished that makes me feel! Lol. As if I personally handcrafted each pecan! Because of an action that I did when I was merely a child there is a tree bearing fruit (nut?). I got this tree from Girl Scouts one Arbor Day and was told to plant it where I wanted. The tree had some hard times...we thought it had died at times...one time my brothers pulled and broke it so much playing that we were sure it was done for ....BUT IT LiVED. And now it is tall and bears ...nuts. :D This got me to thinking of Girl Scouts and how it could be a good program and should I enroll Kylie in it. She does cheerleading on Tuesdays and I'm gonna see about signing her up for gymnastics. I'd like for her to take skating lessons again and maybe swimming ones too at some point (I mean those are lessons that could save your life.) and she does soccer in the Spring and softball in the Summer. Anyways, so many choices..so many things to do and so little time. And I have to ask myself ....which ones are the right ones? Is cheerleading and dance the way to go? Is sports? What about music lessons? An instrument? Hockey? Horseback riding? Hell, who knows? I mean she could turn one of these into a lifetime habit. Sometimes when I think about cheerleading or dance I think of the stigma that surrounds it. You know...the floozy...ok, I'll just say it...NO ONE liked the cheerleaders...I mean the girls called 'em sluts and the boys played hard and fast with their reputations at times. But I don't care about high school....HIGH SCHOOL DOESNT MATTER. And if I cared about what ppl thought or imagined that rumors were true then I wouldn't be where I am now and neither would those cheerleaders. Most of the cheerleaders are good women now. They have good self-esteem, set excellent goals for themselves and most of them worked hard and got college degrees or most importantly they are doing what they love now. If I thought that what you looked like on the outside...your clothes, hair, skin color, eyes or even your parents got to decide who or what you are then I wouldn't be here. Let me explain, I was raised Pentecostal. I looked different from everyone. I had long, uncut hair, no makeup, only skirts, no jewelry, no paint on my fingernails. My skirts were required to be at least to my knee but mid-calf was most acceptable. We did not have satellite or cable. My family was lucky to have tv but I was only allowed G-rated movies. I didn't watch MTV or the Mickey Mouse Club. But that didn't say who I was inside. That didn't stop me from being me. OH, ppl judged me constantly based on my outward appearance just because that's human nature...that's what ppl do but that didn't make them right about me. I knew me. And it didn't stop me from doing bad...like they say, I can do bad all by myself. I was probably worse than all the cheerleaders combined. I probably slept with more boys and tried more drugs. I was a little bit like my tree at times to tell the truth. I was the worse for wear sometimes but now I bear fruit. :)

I guess what I'm saying is that what my girls are on the inside is what's gonna matter most and yeah, I might have something to do with that...but probably not by what extracurricular activities that I put them in but by how I act, speak and conduct myself on a daily basis. By how much emphasis I put on keeping promises, working hard and believing in a higher power. My every day actions are gonna speak louder than anything I'll do...and I'm not perfect (I'm sure that wouldn't be helpful to them at all) and hopefully letting them see how I deal with problems, adversity and that I can say "I'm sorry" when I've done wrong will help them. As long as I keep the emphasis on their school work and don't turn into a "stage mom" then I'll be alright...they'll be alright whatever we do.

But this whole blog has not really helped me decide on extracurricular activities, lol. I quit Girl Scouts by about Jr. High and I don't know of anyone that took it farther than that....but if nothing else came of my short stint....well, I have my tree so maybe that's all the reason I need to put her in Girl Scouts....or buy her a tree to plant. :) Oh and it's worth mentioning that I do think I missed my calling in life by being denied so much of a 'normal' life as a child. I think I was born to act. I wonder if any of my daughters have a flair for the dramatic. Well, I never wanted to be a cheerleader..never appealed to me but I was SO envious of the flag Corp. I use to stand outside with a broomstick and practice for hours on end and I was GOOD ....but that was not to be. I tried basketball but being the odd one out in your culottes was not something I liked too much and I tried band but being the only one in the skirt was ...well, not fun..though I was cooler (as in heat ;) than the others. I wanted so much to be a 'normal' person...to have my own room...to have a 'normal' mother. I strive to give these things to my children. The things I did not have they shall. I WILL give them sunshine, shelter and water and one day my little trees will bear whatever kind of fruit they want. :D