The Monster You Created Doesn't Need You. I Pronounce You Unfit.

Don't like the monster you created? Too bad!

My parents are both kinda mad at me right now. We'll start with my Dad. He called me on the first or second day I got to Texas and said he'd like to see me and the girls and wanted to know what my plans were. I told him the minimal ones I had and he said he'd get back with me. He called the two days before I was leaving. I had plans for the next day and I was leaving the very next day SO needless to say, we didn't get to see him but honestly I didn't give a rats ass. I don't blame him for my childhood....or for my parents getting a divorce. God knows they should have divorced sooner but he did the best he could. He worked hard and was a good provider. What I DO blame him for comes down to one statement he made after the divorce. I said "I don't blame u for divorcing Momma but you didn't have to divorce us kids." And he said, "I just can't deal with her. If I have any contact with her like getting the kids from her then she'll make my life hell. I just can't have ANY contact with her." SO to sum it up....he hated my Mom so much that he deserted his kids and ran from everything. He abandoned us to her...well, my siblings because I was already out of the house at that point. Since then he's not had much to do with us. And so...that's why I don't go out of my way to make an effort to see him. Why should I? My Mom is mad cuz she called me one day last week about some of her drama and I was sick and honestly just NOT in the mood and she called me several times and finally that night I called her around 830 and she didn't answer (to my relief). I went to bed and she called at 945 but I had my ringer off cuz I was sleeping and she kinda left me a mad message. Well, subtle mad....I know my Mom so I know when she's mad. I called her at like 930 the next morning and no answer and we haven't spoken since. Honestly, she has the MOST drama and in some ways we are so different (a lot more alike than I like some too). Most of the time I can deal but that day I was sick...I was hibernating and was not in the mood and she should have respected that. Sometimes I'm afraid I'm too rough on her in my blog. She did cook my meals, buy and wash my clothes, make sure I got to school everyday...to some people I guess she'd be a gem of a Mom but she was abusive, violent. She couldn't deal with her anger quietly or fairly. She hit, kicked, throwed..she pulled my hair, slapped me. Ok, this wasn't where I was going. I'm trying to say that....compared to some Moms she was probably awesome but that still don't make what she did right. You see?

I pay for her Internet. I got her internet so that we could talk on Skype and keep in touch via the Internet and so when I'm down there I can have Internet. The hubs and I had a little....disagreement about this. See, we pay a 250$ a month note on a 4-wheeler that we bought for me but his Dad uses it. I want to pay $30 a month for my Mom some Internet. I told Foy...why does your Dad deserve 250$ and my Mom doesn't deserve 30$? I guess he's use to me talking crap about her but that doesn't change the fact that she raised me and she's my Mom...for better or worse. Family...you can't pick 'em, you just gotta learn to live with them. Needless to say, we pay her Internet. ;)

What I started this blog for is to say....my parents taught me in their own way to care for myself, to be independent, to be cold maybe. They taught me other people are unreliable. It's best to just depend on yourself...cuz really that's the only person you can trust. AND so I'm the monster they created.....deal with it I say to them. Yep, I don't need you. I don't rely you. You are unreliable. I lean elsewhere now.