Take the Blame and CHANGE.

facets:1. aspect of something: a part or possible aspect of something; 2.face of gemstone: any surface of a cut gemstone; 3. part of insect eye: a lens segment in the compound eye of an insect or other arthropod.

Facets have been on my mind lately as in the many facets of woman. We are so much more than we appear or at least speaking for myself, I am. People are always trying to fit you in a box. They try to label you so you make sense, right. Well, like most women I don't fit under one label or you might have mis-labeled me. I guess I find this to be true because I mis-label ppl often. The more I get to know someone then I have to change my labels or adapt them. I have to adapt my first impression of this person. Sometimes the adaptions to the label lead in a positive direction and sometimes they lead in the direction of me seperating myself from a friendship. Ppl end different types of friendships for different reasons. My reasons are never selfish. I try to never judge ppl based on their past to start with. Lord knows I have made mistakes and there are things I would take back but if our past is part of what shaped who we are then ..I can't take that away. And I don't judge ppl on their past because as long as your different, you've changed, your behaviors have changed then your making progress ..your letting your past shape your future but not letting it dictate you or ...as long as your willing to change, trying to change then that's admirable. I don't judge them on their past as long as they are showing signs that they are improving and they admit the mistakes and their part in them and admit they are working to fix that because ...well, I know ppl who blame their past mistakes on circumstances they claim they can't control or behaviors they can't change or ppl they hung around with. I just want ppl to take the blame when it's theirs to carry. There are times when I could have let someone else take the blame for what I did, say they were sorry and I could have let it go at that but TRUE change, TRUE repentence dictates that you must admit your blame and I guarantee you that NO ONE is blameless..wether your to blame for instigating the behavior, enabling the person or carrying your part of the argument then there is blame for you to bear somewhere.

As corny as it may sound when I think of those rehab meeting where you stand up and say "My name is ______ and I am an alcohlic." then that is what it's like. At first you have to own the behavior, admit it, put it on the table and face it head on ..YOU not anyone else before it's going to change. You have to admit your part and change for the better.

As I was writing my post (with two windows open) someone commented on my Facebook post today which said "Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." Albert Einstein. Let's change our behaviors if we're looking for different results ppl. ;)". And she brought me to mind (with her comment) about my own life changing moment of acceptance and behavior changes. Well, there have been at least two that REALLY changed the course of my life but I try to remind myself of this quote often usually in the spirit of "If you act like your mother then expect to get the same results as her.".

The first life changing moment that comes to mind is of a boy. His name was Mario Garcia. We worked together and had...relations. Not a relationship mind you but relations of the dirtiest sort. ;) One night before or after (that detail eludes me) the relations..I guess I was going on about how there were no good guys out there, no boyfriend material, no husband material, just boys that wanted one thing and he said to me (making me very angry in the process)that when I went around acting like I did then what did I expect. This boy who had just (or was about to) take advantage of me in this way told ME that I should re-evaluate the way I acted if I wanted to get the right kind of guy because the way I was acting was only leading to ONE type of guy. I think I was angrier because he was right. When someone says something to you that strikes a nerve (for future reference) you should evaluate wether there is any truth in it because if it hurts then there is probably truth there. Well, if he was about to get 'relations' then he didn't and if he had then he never did again because he was right and I was done. At first I was just mad at him but the longer I thought about it and let it soak in then I realized that he was right and I CHANGED my behavior. Change is hard but it can be done. It takes a moment. It takes saying to yourself and being honest (in my case) "Your acting like a whore and you can pretend all you want that you sleep with WHO you want and that you are in control of the situation but in truth you are letting these boys use you and losing respect for yourself in the process and if you can't respect yourself then HOW can you expect anyone else to respect you." I said this to myself and I said it til it hurt and change was still hard but I did. I took a different path and it lead me to my husband. It lead me here. And HERE is GOOD. :D

Some other day I'll tell you about my other LIFE CHANGING moment but that will lead to telling you about my mother and that's a whole 'nother can of worms that ain't ready to be opened yet. So adieu 'til next time. :D