Violet Adell Burch's Guide to Life

I'm probably about half way through with Ina May Gaskin's Guide to Childbirth. To start with it's not like I ridicule her or what she's doing or her approach or natural birth...those are all sound in my mind. I love the birth stories and find them very helpful. I would not have spent the money on the book if I thought it wasn't worth reading in my quest for finding out what I can about natural birth. She resounds to me as someone who I would listen to BUT....BUT I do have a problem with her whole idea that The Farm is bringing back the natural birth. There is a line in the beginning that I highlighted mostly because it rubbed me wrong (there were lots I highlighted because they rubbed me right). "The women at The Farm have relearned and been highly successful at kinds of female behavior that modern women in civilized cultures aren't known to be good at -- those that go beyond the common medical understanding of women's bodies and birth." I have serious problems with this quote. Maybe I'm from an UNcivilized society but my Grandmother (who I am very VERY close to and lived with til I was 16) birthed 8 of her 10 children at home. Her Mother, fondly known as "Little Granny" (whom I remember and have many fond memories of...she didn't die until I was preteen or early teen) had all 10 of her children at home by midwife.  My Grandmother cloth diapered and breastfed but you'll never hear her mention it. Not that she's ashamed, GOODNESS NO but because she can't imagine having done it any other way. You won't hear her going around saying, "I was a CDing, EBFing, co-sleeping, non-vaxing, home birthing, attachment parenting crunchy Mother". The idea of any of those labels passing her lips makes me snigger BUT SHE WAS. I have NEVER ever ever referred to my Grandmother has a hippy BTW. She would probably slap me if I tried. I grew up understanding that hippy meant drugs, VW bugs, hitchhiking, swinging people, and loose morals. My Grandmother is NONE of these things. She has intuition. She believes in natural remedies. I remember her going to the doc maybe once or twice my whole life. I ain't even joking. Once was because she got an inner ear infection and her balance was off. She grows her own garden (now with the help of her son because she IS 90 now). She never once said 'organic' in her life, haha. She never once explained her thought process to me or labeled herself she just IS. She believes in God. She believes that the Earth was a gift and that we are here to enjoy it's bounty. We may eat its fruits, veggies, and animals. She doesn't to this day have trash pickup so if she puts something in the trash it is with great thought. Recycle isn't a word I've ever heard her use but when your house is gonna fill up with trash or you find a way to repurpose then you do. Not to mention you spend several years as a single mother of 7 children (and then a single income family of 10 children later) then you learn to repurpose just to save money. My cousin comes and picks up her trash every week OR TWO. And there are too many wild animals to leave it outside so she has limited space to store trash until someone comes and gets it. She throws all food waste outside. She probably has never even heard the word 'compost' but she does.

Are you getting a picture here? She's everything I wanna be but she never once labeled herself or wrote a book. Hell, you know she quit school in the 6th grade because she had to. She reads very well and her hand writing is atrocious because she was suppose to be left handed and they made her write with her right but she writes legible. She manages money and has all her wits at the age of 90. She listens and forms opinions with thought. And she thinks before she speaks. She has lived in this small 2 bedroom house...where she lived with all of her children for 50 years or so now. ALL of her children. She co-slept in a big way. Actually she shared a bedroom (though not a bed) with her MIL ( I can't even imagine how hard that was) until her MIL died. Gives a whole new meaning to family bed, doesn't it? I co-slept with my Grandmother until I was preteen and my parents decided they couldn't co-sleep with my sister anymore and she came to bed with my Grandmother and I was delegated to the couch in the living room until I was 16 and we moved. I had never even thought or heard the word co-sleep til recently. I just DID. We were poor. She was poor. She doesn't know how to live any other way even though she's technically no longer poor. She doesn't want or need anything she doesn't have. You can't live with this kind of example and give Ina May Gaskin props for bringing back midwifery and a holistic approach. Are you kidding me? I grew up in a holistic approach. I grew up in a small community called Rosevine. Almost everyone that lives there is my relative. Actually my cousin (who picks up the trash) calls it "Relative Row" :) because every house in that area is owned and lived in by a relative. I grew up on "The Farm"..well, not technically the farm but you get it, right? I grew up with shining examples of strong women. Not women who claimed to be strong or thought child birth made them strong but women who took childbirth and made it one small piece of their strength. Women who were shining examples. Little Granny had 10 children and 8 of those were girls. I have strong aunts. The men in my family have always been less than stellar. Oh there have been a few exceptions but for the most part....a bunch of no-goods. The women have been the backbones for generations. I grew up in that...around that. I can't bow to Ina May Gaskin. I can bow to my Mother (she is strong even if she stands for so many things that I think are wrong..I could never deny her strength), my Grandmother, my Great-Grandmother, my Aunts...these women I can bow to. These women I can worship at the altar of their knowledge...not Ina May Gaskin's.

Now to redeem Ina May Gaskin, these are some of my fav quotes so far in her book:
"I guess the most important thing I figured out was that your attitude and how you approach your birth is of the utmost importance. In other words, it is important to face each birth like a bull, with full force, no fear or hesitation, with the attitude that you can do this and you aren't going to hold back. This is your opportunity to remember your power as a woman, inhibitions not allowed. Those contractions are power surges, each one gets that baby closer to birth. Your baby feels your strength...." words by Barbara Wolcott.
"I also learned that my "adequate" pelvis is more than adequate for an "average size" baby. It's just that MY average size babies weigh more than ten pounds. I found out that I am perfectly designed to give birth to them." words by Diana Janopaul
"As horrible as it sounds, vomiting has its purpose. A good dry heave pulls the cervix open and pushes the baby down, but not enough to get the baby out." words by Jeanne Madrid, LM

The first quote is how I feel about my birth to come. I feel like a bull. I feel inhibitions would only do that...inhibit me. I will embrace my contractions as a step that gets me closer to my baby..a welcome step. I will let go of fear and embrace the experience. I plan to perhaps use these quotes in labor as some positive affirmations that I'd like to have written on poster board so I can read them to myself while laboring. I have several others I have come up with also. From books and as well as from my own thoughts and feelings prior to this. The second and third quote speak to my specific worries about birth..or specific experiences. I worry about large babies and being able to birth them. I am reassured knowing that MY body was made for MY babies. I find that affirming. And I vomit during labor and I can embrace that more if I can realize that is a natural birth step that will only help me get there faster and to my goal...birthing my gorgeous baby.

I'd like to add about this post and any previous post, feel free to disagree. Feel free to ridicule or say what you like....I have stood through winds that blow harder and hurt me worse than you or anything you could bring. I promise I haven't made a single decision about my life that someone somewhere hasn't liked. I haven't ever pleased everyone and I can't see me starting now. And your displeasure means even less to me than most because I don't care for you or respect your opinions like I do some.

There's a reason my blog isn't private. There is a reason I have never reconciled myself to making it so despite many bumps due to what I have said here. This is me. Love me or hate me. Like it or lump it. I am as steady, real, strong, and consistent as they come. I don't change my mind or my opinions unless I WANT to. I didn't give into peer pressure when I was 16 and I see no reason to start doing it now. Nor have I ever been afflicted with any bug that made me want to have everyone like me...or need to have everyone like me. I like me. And that's really what I care about most at the end of the day. :) Secondly would come my children and my husband and then maybe other family...