Home Birth

I will always insist on blogging at the worst possible moment, haha...right now I'm sick and foggy and something less than sharp as a tack but what am I going to do...why blog of course.

I do have a lot on my mind. I'm back to the birthing at home idea. Well, I originally revisited it because Foy and I have discussed a bit of a belt tightening financially that needs to happen. I was thinking how I could do my part and eating at home more, not buying unnecessary items (for example we might not order nursery bedding. :-O I know I'm as shocked as you. I've done that with all my children but what must be done must be done.), and we discussed the cost of having and supporting another child...that's how I arrived back at the home birthing option because it IS cheaper and it was an idea I had from the beginning and gave up. Sooo I bit the bullet and emailed the lady. She replied and we've exchanged several emails. I knew her concerns would be my weight (making me less than ideal even though I'm healthy) and my fear is failing my gestational diabetes (which I have a test for on Feb. 7th and will still keep that appt with Starla). She has been very receptive and we're suppose to meet on Feb. 1st. I am going to get a copy of my records from Starla and we're gonna precede from there. Though she agrees with me keeping my gestational diabetes appt that I already have. I'm still pretty daunted by the financial aspects. I have to stop my payments to College Hill and HOPEFULLY get some money back. Confirm that my insurance is on board (which the midwife says they will be). AND the midwife requires full payment of 3000 dollars by my 36th week and she will reimburse me as the insurance pays her. This was a hard pill for Foy and I both to swallow and required some thinking on our parts. Also speaking of Foy, he was resistant to the idea. He mentioned safety and MONEY and was very unsupportive. He kinda shut down about it and said some not nice thing followed by me saying not nice things. We had a huge fight. We kinda regrouped later in the day and the next day and then today I asked him to sit down and watch "The Business of Being Born" with me and he did and at first he didn't say much and I thought he wasn't going to but several minutes afterwards he said...' "Even if we don't get any of our 3000 back it's still cheaper than a hospital birth so I guess we need to make this happen and start working on it.". It took me a second to get on board with what he was talking about because I didn't realize he was thinking about it. I felt so relieved. I can't tell you the weight that lifted off me. I haven't been sleeping well and last night was especially bad. I'm sick. I felt anxious and I thought it was anxiety about my decision but when he said that I realized my anxiety hadn't been about my decision but about his thoughts on it. I went to bed for a nap and slept like a baby for the first time in several nights.

I also think it helped that I've started reading a book my midwife recommended. It's called "Spiritual Midwifery". If you can get past the hippy bullshit it has some useful info ('far out' and 'holy' suddenly becomes an adjective? Plus their worship of this Stephen fellow on The Farm is creepy). I guess mostly what I've gathered so far is the idea of going with your pain instead of fighting it..of riding it instead of resisting which I had heard before but the book keeps making the point and it becomes more...real to me with each birth story. Also, the idea of having my husband partake in a more real sense..that talking, touching and kissing during labor can speed it up and help me to stay 'open' so I go with it instead of against it. I can't speak for Foy. I can't say that he'll be receptive but just like getting him to watch that movie with me...I'm gonna work on him. He'll be 'hippying' it out with me soon, haha. He won't even know it. ;) I'll molest him during labor and he won't be able to resist his wife.

I told my Mother my idea. She's gonna be here. Something I really didn't want but she talked to me about it and I was surprised how important it was for her to be here for her grandchild's birth. I can't ignore her wishes. I was also REALLY surprised at how open to the idea of a home birth that she was! She is possibly more excited than me. I told her I'd have to buy a pool and she called me the next day because she'd been googling water birth on youtube and saw pics and videos and found the water birth international website and pool recommendations and she wanted to make sure I got one that was eco friendly and didn't have phthalates, lead or cadmium in it. She is even more onboard than Foy and very supportive. We've spent some time talking about it. She agrees that I'm a good candidate and is reassured that my midwife is certified and that the hospital is close in case of emergencies. She gets that I trust my body and am making the best decision for myself.

Anyways, like I said...a lot on my mind. I have a ton of questions..like what constitutes an emergency? Would she attempt to deliver him breach? Will she deliver the placenta in the pool or out? What are her thoughts on Vit K and the antibiotic eye ointment? I saw a herbal Vit K that can be taken by me and passes through my breast milk and would like her thoughts on this as an alternative to the shot or giving the baby Vit K. Where would be a good place for the pool? Can my upstairs withstand 170 gallons of water, my weight, her weight and the husband? (I do not relish falling through the floor!) It is ok if my children are here? (though they will not be in attendance at the actual birth..I wouldn't mind if they were running around until I needed to start vocalizing and then they could play in their room while I delivered..is that a realistic scenario in her opinion?) When should I call her since she's 2 hours away? What if she is attending another birth? Does she have another client with a similar due date? Will going to the hospital, if I have complications or if she can't be here, be a problem? I was thinking of buying a 'drinking hose' with a filter to fill the pool up. Will we use a hose to fill it up...I'm assuming that's the only way? When can I get into the pool? What if we need to empty some out and refill it to warm it, how do we do that? Should I blow the pool up and fill it prior to labor to make sure there are no leaks or problems? These might seem stupid but then...I've never done this and part of the whole point is that I feel in control and calm and to do that, I need to KNOW STUFF. lol. I've always needed to know stuff.

Despite all these questions, I feel so...empowered by my decision and by the thought of doing it this way. Despite this book being hippish ;) I went to my nap today thinking positive thoughts because of it..thinking about keeping myself open, visualizing and slept better than I ever have so maybe that hippy bullshit isn't so bad after all . ;) I think the most moving message Foy got from the film was how important this was for a woman..to feel in control and how much a hospital was not needed without complications and how it was better for the baby. Now if I can just get him to read the book that the midwife recommends for him..."The Birth Partner". I mentioned it earlier and I think if I buy it then maybe he would listen to a chapter in bed every night if I read it aloud to him. Hey, I'm desperate. I'll do anything. I just want him to supportive and feel as informed as I do at birth.