Defensive Humor

I use humor as a defense mechanism. I realize this, I do. I like to make people laugh to start with. I LOVE to make people laugh. I figure if I can leave a person happier than when I met them then I did my job. I see myself as a 'dirty' Santa Clause, lol..spreading good dirty fun and laughs wherever I go. Laughter bonds people,opens up a party, brings people together..Laughter IS the best medicine. I believe it. I'm a glass half full person and I try to share that with everyone. This 'defense' has saved me. There were times (and still are) that if I didn't laugh then I was gonna cry or go crazy or give up. If I can make fun of you (in the nicest way and only if I really like you) or ME then we're ok, right? I also use humor as a 'cover'. I figure if I make fun of myself before anyone else does, then I'm one step ahead of the game, right? They can't hurt me if I'm laughing at myself, right? You'll notice that I add 'right?' when I'm writing a 'statement' that I need your affirmation of. I try to be self-aware. I try not to go around stating that I'm 'self-aware' cuz it seems to me that people who do that are usually not SELF-AWARE. lol. BUT I do try to be aware of myself, my faults (many!), my quirks, my problems, my eccentricities...In the emails and comments I've gotten recently some people have stated how very comfortable I am with myself and how much I'm ME and very self-assured and I hope this hasn't come off in my blogs like ...I'm conceited or full of myself or self-centered (ok, to even have a blog you probably have to be a LITTLE self-centered) ..I have many faults which I'm sure I've discussed in some blog or another and things that if I COULD I might change but sometimes their just PART of me and I have had to accept them and I expect TRUE friends to do the same. I do try to keep my politics and religious opinion to myself because those can get you into trouble fast...And I can be mean but I do TRULY try to be a good, nice person and think of others and I'm the WORST person ever to have a good intention and then do nothing about..my follow-thru is NOT SO GREAT. I tend to run from strong emotions (especially those that lead to crying) because I'm a sympathetic cryer and tend to get flustered and not know how to respond so I RUN AWAY...I'm judgmental. I stand on my own two feet and I expect others to do it so I judge too harshly sometimes when I shouldn't..what's weird is it's not the things that most people judge someone on. Had a sex change, think you may be gay, bi or have a past that involves incarceration, NO PROBLEM. Like younger men, had an affair, currently having an affair, like to dress like a slut, have a secret addiction, NO PROBLEM. I judge women (Moms) most harshly on how they are with their children, whether their addictions, problems, idiosyncrasies effect their children adversely..that's A PROBLEM. You wanna make 'bad' decisions, you wanna live your life, GO FOR IT but not if it effects your children. I guess having lived in an abusive household as a child has skewed my perception of what is 'abusive' and what's not. Mostly that I judge things 'abusive' that some people would overlook. Well, enough said. Having started this blog about laughter :D and ended it with child abuse..I think I've took a 180 and it's time to say goodnight. So farewell reader...