4am--Out look is dim

Well, it's after 3 am in the new year. I just woke up. Yes, Foy and I traditionally bring in the New Year sleeping, we always have. I'm not kidding. Even when we were young and carefree. I'll never forget being 21-22 and my Mom called and woke me up. She was at a party hotspot yelling over the noise and she said, "What are you doing?" And I said sleeping. But this year, I think I'm a little sad. I kinda wish we had had plans of some kind with friends...oh wait, we don't have THOSE kind of friends. I guess I should warn you...it IS 3am and I am a firm believer that anyone's out look on life is bleak that time of night/morning. I feel sometimes that every time I make a giant leap forward in making a new friend...somehow I wind up two steps back.

My Mom doesn't have friends and we've always disagreed about the subject but I might be leaning her way this year. It's really sad when I can say that. As much as I appear extroverted I can have a serious introvert side and I think this may be the year to embrace that and say "Fuck it." I will live in my nook with my knitting, my shows, my new car,my wonderful family...I will focus more on cooking great meals and being the best Mom ever.

I think I shall "start over" with you blog. I shall write more about my life and activities and less about what I feel/think. I mean who really gives a rats ass anyways. I swear I'm the most negative poster ever lately.

I shall social network less and spend more time in the actual company of people...maybe that's my problem. MAYBE instead of drawing inward, I should do those things I've been thinking about. 1. Since I'm so obsessed with knitting, I should start a knitting group for Moms. I would like more people to discuss this thing I am passionate about. 2. A Book Club for Moms- another thing I am passionate about.

Or maybe I should go potty, get a drink of water, a 3am (now 4am) snack and go to fucking sleep. Yeah, that sounds about right. I seriously doubt 4am- sore throat, dehydrated, sweaty, tummy rumbling- is the time to be blogging...or making ANY decisions. I look forward to waking up in the morning with a more cheerful out look on life! Happy 1/1/11 everyone!! :)

I can't help but think in re-reading this that I remind myself of someone. Maybe what I need to do is take a hint and go away. Maybe it's time to start over...It's too late in the game to change myself so I need to find someone who's pushy enough...or enough un-like me that they WILL make the effort when I can't seem to lately.

I guess as of right now, I start the new year with a question. Fight for it or give up and start from scratch?