Just Doing What Makes Me Happy

I'm afraid I give people the wrong impression (why does this sound like something I've said before? Probably because I have.) of me. I probably come off vain or stuck up, snotty...I'm looking for the right word...snobby maybe? I like nice things. I like new, nice things. I like to have lots of things. But I never do it to "one up" someone...I just do it cuz it makes me happy. I think it really comes down to what makes me happy. I want the things I want because I want them...because it would please me to have them..

This still sounds snotty. Ok, for example...I am throwing my sister a shower and I want it to have the best everything..the designer cake, the expensive bedding my sis wants, the best diaper cake ever made, the cutest decorations...I want it to be the BEST shower ever thrown and I don't think that makes me snobby. I want those things because it will make me happy to give them to her...because I will enjoy buying and doing it for her. Because she's my sister and like I am with my kids...I want to give her the BEST things money can buy. I want that for my nephew too. I like to throw myself into what I'm doing. I've told you before I have an obsessive personality and a giving nature...were you listening? Well, my newest project is my sis's shower and I will throw myself into it 110%. I HATE to half-ass things. Man, that is one of my major pet peeves." If it's worth doing then it's worth doing right" goes right up there as one of my favorite quotes. I feel such guilt when I half-ass stuff...because I am capable of that...I just feel shitty. My "best" may differ from your "best". And its not like the price matters...I want nice things. I want things I (or my sis) think are pretty. I am knitting her baby things as well, which I will be MOST proud of because I made them with my own two hands...and I plan to make the best diaper cake I possibly can. I want her to be happy. I want to make the guest feel welcome and I want my sister to get everything her little heart desires.I want the best for myself...what I consider the best...and for those I love. I have a big heart and a giving personality. I'm a people pleaser (to those I give a fuck about anyways). I'm an entertainer. I'm a hostess, I'm loud, I'm boisterous, I'm FULL...my cup runneth over and I like it to spill on those I care about. If that's snobby, snotty or comes off as vain or greedy in anyway...well, it wasn't intended so.

It goes to my honesty policy. You wanna hear about the shitty parts of my life...about the drug addict boyfriend who hit me, my bad self-esteem that led to multiple sex partners and LOTS of bad decisions, the fact I rode a bus until I was in college and didn't have a car until my second semester of college, the fact that I lived with my Grandma and slept on the couch til I was 16, the fact that that I didn't finish college, the fact that parents didn't have the money to buy me things like the other kids, the fact that I was raised Pentecostal in a very restrictive, hostile environment...I'll tell you about those JUST like I'll tell you about my new iPad, iPod or my new car. They don't mean anything. One made me happy, one made me unhappy...life goes on. I take the joy where I can get it and I share it whenever I can...a lesson life has taught me. I guess what I'm saying is...call me snotty, snobby or ANYTHING else that you want but until you've walked a decade or two in my shoes..."Frankly, I don't give a damn." ;) I'm just finding joy where I can...whether that be the gaudy, flashy and expensive...or the handmade, cheap and durable. I just have to love it and that's enough for me.