The Tiger's Wife: A Novel

I read "The Tiger's Wife: A Novel" because I saw it was nominated for a book award and I enjoy reading that makes me think. I rarely review the many books I read because if I don't do it right away then I forget. But I will review this one. Mainly because the reviews aggravated me. Some people complained it jumped around too much and didn't have a clear ending but I hardily disagree.

"This was a good book. Not a great book but a good one. What's a great book? A book that changes my life. A book that helped shape who I am now and hopefully will be in the future. A book that changes my mind. A book that changes my path. THIS book was a good read. It wasn't scattered or hard to read. It follows three stories. One in the present of the girls' Grandfather who died and two stories he told her in the past that helped shape who he was. One being The Tiger's Wife and one being The Deathless Man (he was my favorite). It did feel like it had definite closure. More about the closure of the soul than a tangible ending but an ending nonetheless. I even enjoyed the way it came full circle. There was a connection in the stories that I did not see coming. Anyways, I don't want to give away too much of the plot. But unlike many reviewers, I felt it wasn't "hard" to read at all (surely you can follow three stories with clearly defined story lines and chapter changes) nor was I left with the feeling of being left to hang. I felt the ending was perfect."

I'm pregnant and I'm pissy

I have a parenting theory. Not based on personal experience because my Mom called me stupid and all sorts of hateful things, especially when I got in trouble and I don't think of myself as that way at all. BUT my theory is that children ARE and will be what you call them. So for example if I go around calling them little turds or shitfaces or whatever, then they are just fulfilling my expectations of them when they act that way BUT if I call them angelic and sweet and wonderful then they will strive to be those things because that's my expectations and the behaviors that I recognize in them. I also think while I'm probably pissing people off with know-it-all tone that IF there are behaviors I don't like in my children (much like I feel about most things in life) that instead of bitching I need to put a stop to them..however that's possible. Even if it means tearing their asses up. Because I'd rather deal with the behavior and LIKE my children than not be able to stand them because of their behavior. That's basically the definition of parenting, right?

Not to mention I can't bring myself to have a FML attitude ESPECIALLY when it comes to children because they are awesome. I'm not just saying that. I mean it. Smart, creative, funny, beautiful inside and out....My glass is definitely all the way full.

Cloth Diapering

I have 3 children. I haven't cloth diapered any of them. Not because I didn't want to but because I didn't know it was a REAL option. I thought cloth diapering was those prefolds that your Grandma used and diaper pins. I had no idea how much it had evolved and how very real the option was. Now with my 4th I'm determined to make it happen. I probably would be a lot more scared but I have a couple of friends that cloth diaper and I hope they can help guide me through the stinkies and smellies of cloth diapering. Like what detergent to use and so on and so forth.

I'm not doing it to save money (though it's suppose to easily save 2000 dollars throughout the kids diapering life). I'm not doing it to be GREEN (though it is and the more I think about it the more I am excited about it being a GREENer option. Disposable diapers supposedly live in a landfill for hundreds of years). I'm not doing it because it's healthier (though with all the chemicals they use to make disposable diapers and leave in them, it is). I'm not doing it because it's cute and convenient (though they have the CUTEST freaking prints and options out there and I read that when you run out of diapers it's not having to run out to the store but simply wash a load of clothes).  I'm doing it for a little bit of all of these. ;)

I went to cloth diapering websites and was almost turned off the idea. There are never more 'holier than thou' people than cloth diapering Momma's and I ain't even gonna soften that blow for them. And all the slang and shortening of words just makes them sound so know-it-all and annoying as shit and makes me hate them. There. Yes, I hate them. And all the shit they talk about people who don't cloth diaper. So pushy and annoying.

I first got interested by just seeing my friend use them. She didn't tell me I should or buy me some or anything. She just did it...in front of me. I am probably a bit like a 2-year -old cuz if you push something down my throat I'm gonna rebel like crazy. I won't do it even if I do see all the advantages just because you want me to. I will purposely not do it just to piss you off. BUT she handled me the right way and now I'm interested. I already bought my first ones in fact...cuz I'm so excited about it.

This is a Bumgenius, a Grovia AIO (all in one) and a Thirsties cover with a Kissaluvs fitted diaper. I ordered this fantastic book which has been so helpful to get past all the B.S. (bullshit ;) and find out real answers. I also ordered extra hemp inserts for the fun of it. I'm excited to try all these things and I'm enjoying looking at them and playing with them. This is the first purchase I've made for the new baby also. :) Makes it seem more real. Tomorrow: 11 weeks. Time can't go by quick enough!

What cloth diapering advocates need to do is just change their babies...in public. Answer questions WHEN ASKED. And try to educate people in a friendly way instead of an asshole way. I wish I had been educated about my options with my first instead of my 4th. Give people the info but then they are still free to choose. Information would be key though. That's all my saying.

I guess I should say what differs me from a 2-year-old ;) is that if something is a good idea and it was your idea first...I'm not afraid to try it or say so. I'm just not gonna cloth diaper cuz someone did it before me. That's stupid. I think people say.."Oh, she just does it cuz she saw someone else do it.". Yes, maybe so but if I see you jump off a high rise..trust me, I won't follow. If I see you doing something smart and I'd like to try it then yeah, I'm gonna try it too. Not doing it would make me stupid. If I do things only because other people did them then that makes me stupid but if I DON'T do them because other people did them then doesn't that make me stupid too? I'm still letting someone else govern my choices...wether they are governing them into the 'do' pile or the 'do not do' pile. I wanna decide for myself...either way.

Lifestyles of the Not-So-Rich and Definitely Not Famous (but determined)

It's a 1000 bucks for a roundtrip ticket to London, England for a week. I'm so going. I just gotta get this baby birthed and grown up a little and I'm leaving the whole passel of youngins with their grandparents and takin' me an In-ter-national Vaca. Oh yeah, it's happening. Don't doubt me. I like to dream...but not in the way that you dream of things that aren't possible...this is totally possible. I spent more than 2000 bucks (of course my honey is going with me) on school clothes shopping in one weekend. It might not happen for a year or two but then it's happening. Or maybe Milan, Italy...that's 1300 bucks roundtrip. Who knows where I might go? The world is my playground.

A Day of Death, A Day of Life

I spent the first part of today watching the 9/11 Memorial shows. 10 years today and like everyone else I remember where I was. I think the most telling thing is how I felt...vulnerable. I had the vulnerability of youth. Terrorism? That couldn't touch me. Not in this promise land. That was something that happened to OTHER people. Not the good ol' U.S. of A. Vulnerability. I also felt scared. Where next? Where would they strike? Would it be even closer to 'home'? Closer to my person and those I love? I was shocked. I felt like what happens to something people experience during a tragedy. Like surreal. Like it was happening to someone else. I went through the motions of my day with my mind busy. My thoughts on what was going on, what changes were coming....what would happen now?

I like to cushion myself. I like happy things. I like to surround myself with happiness, good food, good things...I shy away from things that make me feel sadness. I mean chances are there are moments when I won't be able to avoid sadness...when my loved ones die or when things are in my face but until that time I'd rather surround myself with as little as possible. So I've always avoided the documentaries and shows associated with this day but today I immersed myself in them. I cried. I remembered. I found out some things I didn't know. It brought back those feelings of vulnerability, of being shocked and scared. I grieved with those who lost. I rejoiced with those that survived. I guess I don't like to watch those things or immerse myself in them because I don't want to become calloused. I don't want to NOT feel or to get so beige about it that it doesn't make an impact. It didn't make me feel as bad as I thought it would. I felt like a survivor. I felt like looking back with wisdom...a little more savvy, a little older, a little more experienced was a good thing.

I HATE those people (there are several on my page..I'm saddened to say that a lot of them are my family) who turn this into a hatred of a race or religion. And what's worse is they camouflage it with religion...their hatred. God is love. If your truly religious...if you truly believe in God then you should read about forgiveness and love. People shouldn't be lumped together. They should be judged individually...when your judging for yourself. God will do his judging and you have no say-so in that.

I don't know why I thought today was good but I decided to watch "The Business of Being Born". I guess I haven't announced on my blog yet but I'm pregnant with my 4th child and am seriously considering a home birth. I interviewed a midwife over the phone who I'm considering and she suggested this movie. A friend of mine had already suggested it (she had 2 midwife births, one in a birthing center and one at home) but I guess I thought it was gonna be some "doctors are demons...hippy thing", lol. Ok, so that was a little judgmental but I was wary. I guess I'm always wary of a group of people that believe there is only one way to skin a rabbit. I don't bow to any one's idea other than my own. BUT since this home birth thing was MY idea and something I feel pretty strongly about but I seem to be running into obstacles to it here and there...and I was thinking of just giving in and doing this thing like the other 3 births...I decided the time was ripe to watch it. I'm glad I did. It wasn't quite what I expected. There was one idea I DEFINITELY disagreed with and that was this 'love cocktail of hormones' notion. I agree that women should be in charge, be more informed, allowed more say-so, birth at home...I agreed with it almost 100 percent. There was one quote that I can't quote exactly but went something like, "If you believe in this woman and in her ability and in her bodies ability then you are doing her a disservice by taking this from her.". I love woman empowerment. With three girls I strive to feel empowered and to empower them with EVERY decision I make. Anyways, back to the love cocktail. They implied (or pretty much said) that if you have an epidural, c-section, pitocin drip...then you've interfered with this mix of hormones between baby and mother and your bonding will not be the same. That you won't care for your baby, feel that bond like a woman who goes through natural labor. Well, I'm gonna go ahead and call bullshit. I am enraged that someone would even imply I loved or bonded with my baby any less than any other woman. How dare they! But I also embrace the idea that I've never had a home/natural birth (I've had partial ones..where I didn't have pitocin or where the epidural didnt' work) and I will make a better judgment after though I'm sure I will still insistently call bullshit on that point. The film was informative and mind opening otherwise and renewed my determination in making this home birth happen for me.

I guess 'fearmongering' has become an echo in my head. If you can fear monger people into making one decision or another then you've made it for the wrong reason. I don't want to be fearmongered into birthing in a hospital but on the opposite hand I don't want to be fearmongered into having a home birth. I want to do it for MY reasons. I want to be informed....not fearmongered.

When my Grandmother was told about my pregnancy she asked my Mother, "What does she want all these kids for?". It's been echoing in my head since my Mom told me. For? Should I be using them FOR something? I can't tell you why I wanted another exactly but I CAN tell you that I'm not having them FOR something. I'm trying to raise them to be productive, intelligent, independent, loving, rewarding adults. Maybe having children is your way of trying to achieve immortality or make sure you live on in the ideals of someone else or maybe it's so you have someone to care for you in your old age...maybe it's egotistical or self-love or your way of making sense of a senseless world...who knows why? I can't answer these large questions but what I can say is I take damn good care of the children I have. They are loved and they are loving. They make me happy and I love spending time with them. I have the way and means to care for them and a home full of love to bring them to so what I guess I'm saying is "Why wouldn't I want more kids?".

Happy 4th of July!!

So once again I'm having people over for the 4th. I don't know how this always happens. I truly never plan it. Someone will just ask me about doing something and suddenly I have people over. THIS year it's playgroup peeps. Well, even though I invited several people only 3 Moms have RSVP'd so it won't be that large of a group and I will confess that I'm not too sad about that. I was planning a small family celebration cuz I always figure at the point I actually start planning that most people already have plans but Nicole asked if I wanted to get together and it turned into a whole day thing. I was just thinkin it was weird that of all holidays the 4th is the one where I always seem to have company. We are planning the Gorge for the first half of the day and then roasted weiners, s'mores, watermelon, salads and 4th of July desserts at my house. I'm sure we'll be staying up for fireworks here also though I don't know if my company will.

I decided the Gorge was a good idea after going yesterday with Amanda and her family and Lacy and her boyfriend. We had never been swimming out there and it was fun. :) I really liked the floats they had. I'm going to get some before tomorrow....I hope, if Wally isn't sold out.

My brother is in and we've been pretty busy but I like it that way. Gotta keep him busy. Water park is planned for week after next and then San Diego not long after that. Just living the fairytale as Gingerella...How absolutely terrific my life is hits me all the time.

Another day of traveling that went almost as well. We didn't leave the hotel til 830 which was an hour later than I planned on leaving but things worked out fine. We made it to our goal destination and with this new travel plan (that worked so well) we only have 3.5 hours of travel tomorrow. Yay! Next time we try this (as long as there isn't a new little Wallace) I might be ready to attempt it in 2 days again.

I'm excited to see family but tight on finances so more subdued than usual. We'll be taking advantage of lots of FREE stuff this trip. It's a sacrifice I'm willing to make though for our San Diego trip. We've already booked and paid for the hotel and if I can watch my dollars we should have plenty to spend. So much to look forward to this Summer. Though I am mostly happiest wherever I am and if we had NO plans I'd be making the most of that too...

I AM pretty excited my bro is coming back with me though. He's old enough that I trust him to stay with the girls...especially after they go to bed for a couple of hours. Yay for free babysitting! I can't believe he turned 14 this year. Where has the time gone?