Flowers need sunshine!

Sometimes I think my husband isn't happy unless I feel like him.

He's the uptight one. He worries about EVERYTHING. So he made it his life goal to get us out of debt. I mean he scrambled, worked, planned and finally we are pretty much debt free except for our car and house (plus usual utilities). NOW he's stressed because we're not saving enough money. That's just his personality. He can't function without stress. I should also add he's on meds for stomach ulcers that are precancerous. Actually they are in his esophagus and are from stomach acid BUT details aside they are stress related. He's always been this way. I couldn't function like he does. My heart would give out. I would break into.

I on the other hand am a free spirit. I don't worry about things I can't control. I'm a pay the minimum kind of girl....and it might even be late sometimes because I was busy living life. Oh fine, yes I procrastinate and I avoid things that are unpleasant. BUT I was single and paying my own bills before I met him. I was married and paying my own bills until he got the job he has and we decided I would quit. I CAN be responsible. My responsibility is just more happy go lucky than his.

The kids are upsetting us. I am working really hard on my gentle parenting. I am working on 'freeing my kids'. I am trying to come from less of an authoritarian stance and trying to get them to agree with me on things. It really comes down to ONE issue and that's cleaning up after themselves. One of my friends thinks she has solved the issue by getting rid of ALL of her kids toys. All of them. She just took them away except for like 1 or 2. I have my doubts. First off, my kids barely ever watch tv and I like that. Secondly, they DO play with toys...that's usually how they wind up all over my house. EVERYWHERE. If I could just find some potion or words or way to make them pick up after themselves..... :(

Foy makes me feel like a failure. We just spent over 30 minutes of him telling me that the kids don't mind, the house is a wreck (apparently it's so bad he'll have take a vaca to help me organize it), we can't and never will afford a larger house, we can't save money because I spend too much, blah blah blah.....and now he can be happy because I feel punched, repeatedly punched. I feel just as sad, downtrodden and worried as he does. I feel just as negative.

I'm the positive one. I see the sunny side always..in every situation. It's my charm.
I don't function well in this dark and gloomy state. I'm susceptible to depression.

I need positive things to look forward to. I need sunshine and light and a devil may care attitude.

Fuck. I think I just need a drink. God, that sounds good.