A Time to Concede, and a Time to Stand.

I made this comment earlier:

"OH, I would only like it if I was the ONLY one running around. I'm sure if everyone told me what they thought it wouldn't be 'the best day ever.' ;) I enjoy people who don't try to change themselves around. It's like religion. I may not mind going to Rated R movies but I respect Roxie for her beliefs in not going. If she won't ask me to change, I won't ask her to change and we can like each other just fine. That's just an example but how I feel about pretty much everything. SOMETIMES your just NOT meant to be friends. You know sometimes you have to have SOMETHING in common to be friends....things are best when you don't force them. I do think you can learn things and broaden your horizons but fundamentally you shouldn't become someone else to make people like you. Its usually gonna end in disaster anyways."

I wanted to expound on the topic. It's not to say that I would not concede if Roxie wanted to go to the movies and I wanted to see a rated R movie. I might concede to see the second on my "wanna see" list that is NOT rated R. Obviously her friendship means more to me than a movie BUT (and poor Roxie, I'm only using her as an example) if she were to say, "I can't be your friend if your not Mormon" then that would would not be a concession I would or should make. There are such large concessions that you could make that would fundamentally change or effect who you ARE at the roots that they should not be tampered with and then there are the concessions we make because we like our friends and we want to be agreeable. Like in a marriage, there has to be some give and take but not concessions in your personality that change your fundamental makeup. And SOMETIMES you can make so many small concessions that you'll realize that you've prostatuted yourself in one small piece at a time and lost your beliefs, lost yourself. "You've got to stand for something or you'll fall for anything. You've got to be your own man, not a puppet on a string. Never compromise what's right..." Aaron Tippin.

So I can be agreeable and agree to disagree up to a point and then there is a point where I would have to fundamentally change myself and my beliefs to continue to be your friend and that, would be the breaking point. Sometimes if people are having to make TOO many compromises or concessions to be friends then it might be best if they just part ways. There is only so many times I could "bite my tongue" before it would be bitten off...or grievously injured at least.

I want to be a good friend. I can be a good friend. I have friends to prove it. I think bite your tongue a few times and remain friends to mostly enjoy each others company but bite your tongue til your in danger of serious injury..well, you probably don't have a lot in common.
I would not ask this person to change SO many things about themselves to please me. What kind of friend would that be? Better to part ways and let them continue on in their beliefs unmolested than ask them to change for me because alas, I would NOT change for them.

Walls Don't Make For Close Friends

"The difference between an optimist and a pessimist? An optimist laughs to forget, but a pessimist forgets to laugh." Tom Bodett

I found this quote when I was looking for one about the person in the room laughing the hardest is the one crying inside....I don't know it exactly...couldn't find it. But this one sorta gets my meaning across.

I'd like to mention my disclaimer before I start. The many faces of me and all that jazz...

People think cuz I storm through life trying to get laughs or being the loudest, dressing the loudest, looking like I'm having the most fun doesn't mean I don't deal like everyone else. I just camoflouge better than the next gal. I do lead a blessed life but I have my own burdens to bear...so just know when I make it look easy and I work harder to push you away might be when I need people the most. I'm self-destructive like that. :/

I really think that motivating myself has something to do with my life. I spend A LOT of time telling myself I'm Superwoman and I'm resilient and I don't need ANYONE and I'm gonna be ok NO MATTER what, that I move through life believing it and never letting my guard down to see otherwise. I'm SO independent that sometimes I push potential friends away without meaning too. I have to look like I don't need anybody so much that people start to believe me...

I told one of my friends recently that she seemed "approachable yet untouchable" and maybe I was talking about myself a little. I'm so friendly but so many times when it comes to real intimacy I shy away, push away. But I guess that's cuz I've spent so much of my life taking care of myself and those around me...I've had to trim the fat, lose those people that I couldn't carry cuz I can only carry so much. I had to worry about what I could change and forget about what I couldn't . Life has hardened me. I had to build a wall to protect myself and unfortunately it usual succeeds in alienating me from people more than I intend.

I'm not telling you this so you feel sorry for me. I don't feel sorry for myself. *chanting my mantra* I'm just trying to delve into my own psyche. Explain something to you and work it out for myself I guess. I AM happy...I just regret that lack of intimate friends sometimes. Though I will say that the playgroup I belong to has a great group of women that I love getting to know more and more. :)

You are not ALONE!

So I wrote a blog post a few weeks ago entitled "So I had a bad day..." and I've been surprised at the responses I've received. First I'm flattered that ANYONE even reads my blog...after all, I kinda write under the impression that NO ONE is reading it because if I wrote it under the assumption that people were going to read it then I'd have to be very careful what I wrote and I don't like to write that way. I can't tell you WHY I write the way I do...but part of it MUST be that when I write what I'm feeling then I always get affirmation from those that read it. We don't have to feel alone as we think we are. To put this into prospective, I went to a "Passion Party" the other night at a friends house and at one point we played a 'game' where when the representative asked a question we rotated one seat clockwise if the answer was 'yes' until we arrived back in our ORIGINAL seat for the SECOND time. Well the first questions were mundane enough...are you wearing a watch, do you have pictures of your kids in your wallet...and then come the racy ones. Have you ever role played, gave a BJ, have you swallowed, had a threesome, kissed a person of the same sex...And I was SURPRISED at the amount of people who answered 'yes' and of course I was so busy with my own moves (I shall never tell...unless you ask of course ;) that I didn't really notice EXACTLY who moved but was surprised at the amount of movement on the questions that I had felt very ALONE in. I suppose that was ONE of the points of the game was to open the course of conversation and help us to all be comfortable with ourselves and our surroundings..I don't know if the point was 'to feel a little less alone' but I definitely felt that. I felt as I have often lately...surrounded by friends and non-judgmental ppl who are the same life boat and life situations as me.
Back to my original point (I so often get 'lost' in my blogs and completely forget where I was headed), YOU are not ALONE. We all want friends. Someone (she knows who she is :0) reminded me of that saying about having friends for different seasons and when you need them ..or something along those lines..I'm not sure I've always had what I thought I 'needed' but I got here so I guess it's worked for me. I did go through a bout of what I think was depression at one point in my life and there were a couple of 'best' friends that pulled me out of it when it could have turned really bad so I guess I got what I needed. I'm not on my soapbox today and I'm not having a pity party so here is good, like I always say. She also mentioned mourning friendships lost and I feel that sometimes too..that friendship that ended for whatever reason.

So I wanted to say READER, that you are not alone. There's a whole world of women out there with similar feelings and in similar life boats.

I think (I wasn't trying to make it sound that way.) that I made some of my friends feel alienated by my post too and feel unappreciated. I would like to say that I LOVE and appreciate all the friends that put up with me. Today I asked the hubby how he lives with me. lol. I said I'm bossy and a know-it-all..I couldn't live with me soooo A SHOUTOUT to my friends who 'put up' with me. BTW, he kept his trap shut. Good move Foy, good move.. :D