Forbidden Tingles

I would die of mortified embarrassment if the Tinder guy found this journal. I sound like a school girl and he's a college professor but boy does he make tingles in my stomach and other places. Which scares me a little bit because Lawrence did that...Lawrence of the great love affair of '17. That's 2017, not 1917.

I have no business getting tingles about anyone. I forbid it. I forbid it so much I shan't talk to him tomorrow. This is silly.

So what if he and I talked twice today and I was never bored and he sent another pic and he's even cuter than I thought and he wrote two books and I want to lick his brain it's so cute and gorgeous and omlord I heard his voice and I want to listen to it all the time. I'm resisting the urge to get my phone out and listen the recording of his voice again.

My fondest, perhaps I shouldn't be admitting this after TWO days of talking to a guy I met on Tinder...but my fondest wish is that I look back on this as the start of finding my person. But truthfully I might look back on this blog and barely register this guy as a blip on my radar in a year or two or five. That's life isn't it. Or that's me.

My therapist would say we meet who we meet when we are suppose to meet them but that takes away my agency. The truth is that we decide. We make decisions. I could have not contacted him today. I could not contact him tomorrow. I could hate him in a week. I'm in charge. This is not some whim of fate or design. I will decide who remains in my life (as long as they want to) and who goes (whether they want to or not).

He said he was a bit of a political guru. Maybe I should google his books...

"Don't fool yourself the passion never gets lost..."

“Don’t fool yourself the passion never gets lost for those who live the passion.”
                                        -Pier Paolo Pasolini

I met a guy on Tinder who is in Rome and he had a pic of a mural of Pier Paolo Pasolini and a quote. This is the quote translated. I don't know much about this guy from Tinder. He lives in San Diego but he's from Rome. He's been in the US since 1993. He teaches the NOT dreadful political science which he says is Machiavelli, Rousseau, Marx, and Trotsky. He says dreadful political science is voting polls in Wyoming. Then we bonded over the fact he got a 300$ ticket in Wyoming (because he drives like an Italian) and I lived there for 9 years. It was a great convo that flew by in seconds... and I haven't heard from him since. That makes me sad. I've been thinking about him ever since. 

For him it could have been nothing. Maybe a blurb in a day and he's barely thought of it since but in my free moments (which have been few) I have thought of him. It was that kind of convo that leaves you with warm feelings. You pull it back up and read it again just to remember how easy it flowed, how you smiled, how you glowed, how it feels to be perfectly in sync with someone like your minds are moving at the same pace. They delight you with their responses and how their mind works. 
Is all this too much to ask for in my person?

Isn't it silly to see this much in one convo...? 
Or maybe it's not.
Maybe I live the passion.

Grow UP--FOR REAL!!!

So recently two ...acquaintances that are 30 and over wrote something along the lines of these two comments: Person A: I'm finding my own place soon. It's time I became a big girl." Person B: "It's time to sit down and figure out what I really want out of life."

All I wanna say is .....REALLY? Just NOW it's time? How can you be over 30 years old WITH a child and still live in your parents house and expect anyone to take you seriously...especially a man. I mean **sarcasm alert** MEN really love it when they have to drop you off at your door step and see your parents peeping through the curtains to see your goodnight kiss. REALLY?! And boy-o, is it EVER time to figure out what you need out of life when your life is almost half over and you have a couple kids. If your just now sitting down to figure that out then you should have grew up a long time ago.

And another thing, I'm tired of ppl whining about everyone being in their business when they publish their business on the WORLD WIDE WEB. Don't do that if you want it private!! For example (this is an ACTUAL example of an ACTUAL PERSON and event that comes to mind), don't post one day that your divorcing your husband and then the next day post about how everyone needs to stay out of your business and not create problems with your marriage. Seems to me like you should have counted to ten (or a hundred) and took a couple of deep breathes (or got a good nights sleep) before you posted that you were divorcing him.

In the spirit of fairness, I've been known to post when in the heat of the moment and regret it later so I can see how it would be done but you can BET that if I posted I was getting a divorce then I damn sure would (if only to save face ;).

I feel more comfortable posting in the heat of the moment on my blog than in my other virtual worlds. ;) Facebook and Myspace don't seem the right mediums. Maybe because when I post something I feel fervently about it requires more than the allotted word space that those two sites give me.