I am still on a journey.

I started a FB update...but then thought it was running a little long and might be better as a blog. This was it:

"I swear I just saw some chick say that she didn't want to use her breasts for feeding. They make easier ways to do that now because it's the 21st century. How does she think we got to the 21st century? Formula is no comparison to breast milk. FACT. Get informed, get supported and find out how easy it can be! It's natural, it's normal, it's using our breasts for their intended purpose. *steps off soapbox* If you can't breastfeed I highly recommend a milk nurse, donor milk, a supplemental nursing device and then organic formula (homemade might be best). Formula companies LIE. "

Formula companies. LIE. Yes, they do. They seem to be supporting breastfeeding but after all if they REALLY do that then they are out of business because women are gonna connect the dots. We have more childhood cancers and diseases than ever before. Do I think it's all formula? No, I don't have the answer. I just know we need to change things. We need to start thinking really hard about what foundations for healthy eating habits we are laying down in our kids. Not only breast milk but child led weaning. Child led weaning is the baby feeding themselves. Ezra has never been spoon fed. He only eats what he wants and how much he wants. It's easy to overfeed them if your spooning food into their mouth. I have often heard AP/ natural parenting described as lazy and I won't lie, it's THAT easy. The saying goes 'Food for fun before 1'. I love LOVE that Ezra is still getting all the nutrients he needs from me. Everything he NEEDS. If he sleeps through every meal today (in various naps of course, not one giant one) it's no problem because as long as he's nursing I am fulfilling his nutrition needs. How awesome is that! My milk is freaking awesome.

Child led weaning is so easy. Ezra at 9 months would eat what he wanted from in front of him and leave the rest or he may only eat a little of some and a lot of another. I think our cravings in pregnancy and every day life (well, within reason..probably not my crazy chocolate craving..that's more of an addiction) are our bodies way of telling us what we NEED. I want Ezra to listen to his body. He will know what he needs and when he is full. I think breastfeeding and child led weaning are key in putting a stop to obesity issues in childhood in this country. Is it the ONLY answer? No. There are other factors to consider but I do think those are two major ones.

I think eating healthier foods without pesticides or that have been genetically modified are important. I think we need to pay attention to what is going in our bodies and in some cases on our bodies since our skin is our largest organ and absorbs so well. Birth control patches and nicotine patches anyone? I mean we realize it absorbs but we put products on it that we can't even pronounce the name of.

I wish that I had thought to blog my journey. I was just commenting the other day that here to where I am has been a journey...a journey I am still on. I can't even remember where it started but it's snowballed. I wish I had thought to bring you on this journey with me, my friends. It's so hard to go back and remember what study I read or what info I saw that led me here. I even left my husband behind to some extent. He doesn't understand my unschooling. Unschooling is a journey that is just starting for me but so far I am very excited.

Which groceries can you keep?

I don't make New Years resolutions, I think it's silly to set that sort of insane goal for yourself BUT in the New Year  I did make a vow to myself that I would watch my money better and a little more responsibly. In my efforts in that direction I took my credit card out of my wallet and left it at the house.

This morning after I picked the two older girls up from their sleepover I had to go to Albertsons for a few things. I had 27$ in my wallet and I THOUGHT 24$ in the account but I didn't check it. When I went to check out I had 48$ worth of groceries. I put in my cash and ran my card. (I was in self-checkout.) AAANNNND, I didn't have enough on the card so I had to put some things back. I was mortified. So embarrassing! I had to get a manager to void my purchases and return my money so I could start over and only get enough as I had cash for. I mumbled something about a card but my face was red and I was just mortified.

Even at the time I realized that things like these are just good for me. I get to be in a situation so next time I will have empathy for the person in line who might have to do the same thing. While it was going on I thought I couldn't decide if it would be more embarrassing to have someone offer me money, not offer me money or offer to assist me. I just wanted to melt and disappear. I felt like the manager must pity me so.

I can't help that even at the second I had to feel lucky. I mean, I have credit and I have a pantry full of food (just not what I wanted at the time). Some people would really have to make this decision about what groceries they would have to eat and what they would put back, not be able to send their husband out in a couple of hours to get what they had to put back.

So in conclusion, it was embarrassing. I learned multiple lessons. I am lucky.

Tiny Humans

I believe the comfort of my children should also be paramount in the equation of bedsharing. It has always allowed me more sleep with my nursling because really his comfort and happiness makes me rest easier, as it should. There is a reason we find our babies cries to cause us anxiety and be upsetting. That's how it was designed.

The more time I spend babywearing and being close to my child the harder I find it to be away from him. I believe THIS is how its suppose to be. This is the design we should be loving and living by. Not carrying them in a plastic bucket, setting them in a plastic stroller and laying them in a wooden bed but in our arms, that's where we should carry our children.

I was at the LLL meeting the other day (for example) and the lady who by all accounts was a wonderful Mother when it was near the end placed her wide awake child in the car seat strapped in and came to visit with us adults. I kept glancing at the child because she seemed so detached from her. The baby was fine but I felt that if I were her I would rather be spending time with my Mother.

Our children learn by seeing, exploring and imitating what we do. If what they see of life is from a plastic bucket seat from the knees up, that slows their learning and comprehension of the world around them. If I wear him he feels my natural movements, he feels my body language, watches my facial expression and those of other adults around him. When I cook if he's on my back I tilt my body where he can see what I'm doing because otherwise he cranes his neck to get a look. If I don't wear him he cries at my feet to be picked up so he can learn, explore and see.

Here is a great article on the benefits of babywearing.

I have another link on bedsharing but I can't find it because I am being rushed, more later.

A little about vaccines.

It's true! It's true! 

I can't tell you how many of the ladies in my online due date group ran out and got their babies vaccinated for the flu......and now their babies have it. 

Those vaccinations aren't even CLOSE to preventing the flu so now you you've injected toxins into your kid...and didn't even prevent anything. What is that Bible verse? We are fearfully and wonderfully made? TRUTH. 

Toxins in flu vaccines you say? Here is a list from the CDC of the ingredients in vaccines. Some of them are: formaldehyde, monkey kidney cells, fetal bovine serum (cow), aluminum, thimerosal (mercury), eggs and if you research some of the 'human' stuff in them you'll find it was grown from aborted fetus tissue. YEP. This is a government website so I'm not even giving you biased info here. This info is listed on vaccine inserts that you NEVER SEE. Do you know that your doctor profits from vaccines? Yep, that's right. And profits more when your kid is always sick. Do you know what is listed as adverse reactions on some vaccine inserts? You should know this stuff. I didn't know this stuff. 

Cuz...I'm fixin' to tell you something (yeah, I am.). ;)

I can't get stupid Netflix to work so I can finish watching what was working up to being a very good episode of "Breaking Bad". It's my new obsession lately. So I guess I'll blog. It's been awhile. I have a few things on my mind. (You totally knew I did.)

Things I do that may or may not annoy others:
I use parentheses a lot. I like them. Get over it.
I write 'cuz' cuz I can.
I use the word fixin' in verbal and written word.
I write like I talk which I like to think of as whimsical (notice I didn't say grammatically correct).
I'll get back to you with more....Oh that's right I use the ... a lot. I like it. That's how I talk. Run on sentences. Run on thoughts and ...'s.
I like the winky face.

When I first went to see the LC consultant here at the midwife's office I didn't agree with some things she said. Because admitting that she was right was gonna make me have to admit that I made a mistake..that I did something wrong. She told me of bug parts in formula and the health benefits of breastfeeding. I could have reduced my girls chances of having breast cancer (and mine!) simply by breastfeeding them. I left her office saying...ok, ok..I get it. Breastfeeding is good but I'm not sure I buy ALL that stuff. But then the more I read, the more involved I got, the more I researched it became a slow dawning moment. She was right. I was wrong. I had did something to my children unwittingly though it was that was not in their best health. I have had to accept that. I have told my girls. I have told them how sorry I am that I didn't breastfeed them. I have told them why. I got past blaming myself and starting pointing blame where it belongs. I read "What To Expect When You're Expecting" which was THE WORSE BOOK EVER. Recently the Pinkpeas midwife said that if you see that book or find it make sure and destroy it and boy, is she right (and not just because of breastfeeding mind you). I listen to the wrong people. Pediatricians that said, oh yeah if you need a break its ok to give them a bottle of formula on day 2 before your milk comes in.

When Kylie was a few days old she wouldn't stop crying one night as babies often do. I never even attempted to breastfeed her. She was the one baby (and I will admit it was mostly because of THE BOOK and the fact that I was working) that I never even wanted to. From the very first day I said I was formula feeding. This one night I was up with her by myself and she was just so upset and it seemed to be her tummy and I felt so sorry for her and I was at my wits end and I put her to my breast. That moment makes me wanna cry when I think about it. My mothering instincts were trying to steer me in the right direction but *clears the tears so she can type* society and my preconceived ideas that for one reason or another got stuck in my head steered me wrong. I hadn't seen women nurse. NO ONE I knew nursed. I had never seen a woman do it. She wouldn't take my breast. I felt silly and a little dirty for trying and never told a soul. I FELT DIRTY. WHY? Because I had never seen it. I had never seen breasts used for their natural purpose!! What is wrong with society that a 24 year old woman hasn't seen this?

Well, that's my sordid story. I put my none breastfed baby to my breast to try to comfort her and felt dirty for it. Oh, it hurts my heart that I ever had to feel that way.

I saw a blog today. It was titled something like "Parental Awakening" or something like that. I thought man, that is me to a tee. If I had to title a blog something that might be best.

I was telling Kristin the other day about paths. It doesn't matter how much someone tries to drag you kicking and screaming down a path...chances are you aren't going. Everyone had to find the path in their own way. It's so hard for me (especially as a genital integrity advocate) to accept that. To accept that I will not be able to drag some people to the light no matter what I do. That they will have to set upon the path themselves. I don't know if I can even point to a moment that it started for me. Poor Kristin gets so heartbroken for the baby boys. She takes so much to heart and tries to help so many. She can't take it and she's taking a FB break. I feel for her. I try to remain stoic. I try to just do what I can, when I can. That's all I can do whether your talking genital integrity or baby cages. Some books to read about birth and breastfeeding: The New Active Birth, The Birth Partner, Ina May's Guide to Childbirth (and breastfeeding btw), The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding, So That's What They're For....watch "The Business of Being Born" and start your journey too.

Maybe it's just the circles I'm in but sometimes it feels like a whole revolution is starting. A revolution of women who are opening their eyes to birth is not an emergency, breast is natural, natural penises are a plan and purpose not an accident, raw whole foods without pesticides, without antibiotics, without GMO's are best....I hope there is an awakening happening. I hope that a revolution starts and we get back to healthiness and happiness. That is what I wish for you my friends. Health and Happiness.

Just for baby wearing sake here is some photos.

SHBC Secure High Back Carry in a Girasol Earthy Rainbow 7

Earthy Rainbow with a 3 (almost 4) year old in it. She LOVES being worn. I am going to tandem wear soon. 

My beloved Malawi Fishes which was sold to Kristin. Always hurts my heart to see my precious things go to new homes.

Earthy Rainbow again. It's my fav lately. 

SHC Simple Hip Carry in a Burgundy Pfau 2.

Girasol Romantique converted by SBP (sold)

Just a pic of two of my lovely children...just because. 

My heart is broken.

How do I know I am truly in my heart a genital integrity advocate? When I find out that the lady who runs Mommycon and is promoting such great attachment parenting ideals cut her baby's penis so he could 'look like his Daddy' and 'be clean'. Oh my heart aches at the ignorance. What's worst is the post she wrote literally has other women de-bunking this very crap she's spouting.

I could only come to my blog with this. I know it may seem silly to be so upset but I was really making connections with people involved and going to work very hard to help them promote and then just BOOOM. I feel like I've been punched.

The first rule of attachment parenting should always ALWAYS be to leave the foreskin attached. He's born that way for a reason. It's a plan, not an accident. Most countries DON'T do RIC (routine infant circumcision) and their babies are fine..also worth noting that they use WAY less erectile dysfunction drugs. An exposed penis gets calloused over time. I don't have the time or the heart to go into all the reasons.

My heart is broken no matter how silly it seems. :'(

Here is a link to her post. She along with some other Mommies run TMD (The Mommy Dialogues). Her name is Xza. (What the fuck kinda name is that anyways and how do you say it?) I recognize her from Mommycon. She was everywhere and the 'one' in charge.

http://themommydialogues.com/to-cut-or-not-to-cut-circumciscion/

Good thing is that there are SOME Mommies on the blog with more sense.


http://themommydialogues.com/circumcision-is-misguided/

This is a story about a woman's regret.
http://themommydialogues.com/the-next-tmd-writer-lakendra-shares-her-story/

Mommy-con

Just coming back from Mommy-con. I am riding such a high. :)) It was so great. Informative and heart felt and friendly and...awesome-sauce! I feel full, rejuvenated, and happy. I feel wiser, more compassionate, and more directed. I feel justified and...full. I can't find words to describe all of them. The morning started with Yoga which I confess I just watched a few minutes of and realized I would be spending most of my time chasing Ezra around so I hit the Leaky B@@b room and nursed Ezra while I chatted. Everyone was nursing..no covers, no judgement, no rules...well, it felt like what it would feel like if everyone did it and no one thought twice about you feeding your kid. I met a nice group of women (can't remember any names!) from Bakersville, CA. They were a big fan of babywearing so we admired each others carriers. I got several compliments on my Kangaroo Care necklace including one from Jessica the Leaky B@@b! :-o I was worried their would be parts that would totally not interest me or be relevant. It was ALL geared toward me (everyone!) to some extent. I just can't say how rejuvenated and inspired I feel. To tell you the truth it's all a blur after that...I was just soaking so much in and meeting so many new people. I went by the nursing room just so I could chat with some other ladies during the lunch break. I used the awesome changing room. I browsed the small amount of vendors. I heard the skin lady talk (gonna check out her products) and Corrine from Pink Peas was so SO inspiring. There was fruit bowls and water available everywhere. It was so friendly and wholesome. I was so relaxed. There were toddlers and noisiness and no one got cantankerous or was asked to shut their kid up. Just a bunch of Moms doing what Moms do.

So many giveaways too! I won a Beco Gemini. I would have preferred to win something else but that's ok. I won't be upset. I went expecting to win nothing.

I want to go again!!!

Even the changing room is cool.

The flamingos at The Flamingo. I am wearing (for the first time) my Gira Earthy Rainbow.

I won the Beco Gemini.

Secure High Back Carry

I made a bracelet to wear!