Pow! There goes a good day.

It's amazing how I can be having a really great day and then just one thing can bring it crashing down around me. :( I got up and got everybody dressed and we went to Denny's for breakfast, then we went to the mall where I bought some new clothes (first ones since I first got pregnant) which I really like, then to Applebee's for our nurse-in with Kyria and then home where the kids didn't give me TOO much lip about cleaning their room. It was all hunky dory great! Oh, and I checked the mail and got my ring sling and a new diaper. Here they are.

This is my SBP (Sleeping Baby Productions THE go to source for converting your wraps into slings) Girasol (Gira for short) RS (ring sling) Romantique (meaning the colors). I haven't gotten to try him in it because he's been sleeping since we got home but I'm really excited for it! I think I will take this on my trip home.

I also got my new Dolce Baby daiper. It's beautiful.

Anyways, on to what ruined it. I have barely seen my dh in days. He's working until very late and leaving very early. I honestly feel like our marriage is not in a great place. We are both arguing a lot with each other and looking for a fight. We need to get this figured out. I have tried to make him see but he just doesn't seem to get it or thinks it's better to ignore it. Having sex would probably help, BAH, like we do that anymore. This is the only draw back I have found to bfing is my absolute serious ZERO sex drive. I called him to see when he's coming home and like every night....'it'll probably be late'. Boo. Now my really great day is being bummed by all this. :(

ADD

I'm going to Texas for my family reunion with Ezra. I'm so excited and looking forward to it. I hope he does well on the plane though. I'm trying to decide if I want to check a bag. I know it's 25$ but I would really like to take more diapers than will fit in just a carry-on. I KNOW I could sposie...but I just can't bring myself to do it. OH< OH I should go buy myself something nice to wear. I haven't bought new clothes since I found out I was pregnant and I bought a few new maternity clothes. I just bought a new RS. It's a Gira RS Romantique. I'm pretty excited about it. I hope I get it soon and get plenty of practice in before I take it with me. I think I might bring the Ergo too. I heard a woven wrap is not the way to go because it's so hard to get on and off and you have to remove it for security. It would also be hard to put on while on the plane. The space is so tight. I have arranged a payment plan to pay for the classes to become a Certified Babywearing Expert (that sounds so corny). Lately I've been thinking I should work on becoming an IBCLC. I mean, it's something I could do with my kids. You have some workshops and have to attend some meetings. There is some reading. I guess I should look into it some more. Or I should probably just work on one thing at a time, lol. I have serious ADD when it comes to almost anything. I have this weird jack of all trades, master of none thing going on, haha. I always feel like I need to have a rudimentary knowledge of all sorts of things but then I get bored with it quickly. I did this with scrapbooking, then knitting and now on to all sorts of babywearing devices and training.....who knows what my ADD will move onto next! At least I realize this is how I am. I have a bit ..just a little bit of an obsessive personality.

Money Snobs and the Family Reunion

I guess I should say that I see people being snobs about all sorts of things. Some people are 'snobs' about how they buy nothing new or getting really good deals. They brag about how they spent X amount of money and got a whole wardrobe. If I spent double X amount of money then they'd think (in a way) that they are superior to me. When I confess to being a 'cloth diaper snob' then I say this in jest.

I have a weird ideal when it comes to money. I don't care if it costs 2 dollars and 200 dollars. If I want it then I want it. It doesn't hold more value to me if it cost 200 dollars. I'll treat it the same as the 2 dollar item. Items only have the value that you give them. The same for any item or thing in your life. For example, I know some people who spend 100 bucks easy on a cloth diaper. ON A CLOTH DIAPER. That's because that item holds value to them. I also don't care if they spend 100 dollars on it because it's not my money. When she told me she spent that much I didn't say "Your crazy!" or "I could have bought groceries for two weeks on that!" or any of those annoying things that people say to me when they know how much I spent on something. You know why? Because it's not my money. Its her money. She isn't hurting me by spending money on what makes her happy. I won't belittle her or make her feel bad. She asked if I'd do the same and I said...if I wanted it bad enough and had the cash then yeah, I'd buy it.

Things or people only have the value that YOU assign them.

I was thinking yesterday about my Grandma dying. I rarely let my mind go there. I thought how nothing could keep me away from her funeral and I couldn't think about it anymore. Then I thought about the family reunion coming up. Why would I rush to her funeral letting nothing stand in my way after she's dead? I mean she won't know I'm there. I won't be able to talk to her or hug her. *sob* Why wouldn't I spend the money now to hug her, to talk with her, to share my children with her and just be with her? So someway, somehow I will find the money to go to the family reunion. Even if it's just Ezra and I. I want to spend the money to spend time with her now.

The tickets are INSANE though because it's less than a month away. 400$. SHEESH. I will find a way though. I'll keep searching for tickets. I'll save some money. I'll pass on a wrap or two. ;) I will also need to rent a car for a couple days.

Confessions of a Cloth Diaper snob

I haven't bought sposies in several months. I cloth diapered when I drove across the country to Texas and my whole two week visit there and my drive back. I do not own a 'back up' supply of sposies. The only time I would use sposies is in the case of a virus (that involves diarrhea), a yeast infection (getting yeast out of diapers are things bad dreams are made of) or he was prescribed an antibiotic that has the side effect of diarrhea. Should any of these happen then I'll run get sposies...other than that, I LIKE not having to buy them. Some people (even LONG term cloth diaperers) are scared to do what I do. To live without a 'back up' but I'm not scared. It so EASY. I don't know why you wouldn't. And I never hardly have leaks..even at night!

I'm becoming quite the CD snob, seriously. Someone who uses sposies at night or for travel.....eh, I'm like WOOSE. Someone who has to always have the back up when out and about, WOOSE. And then there are the hardcore cloth addicts and those 'commercial' brand people. If you only buy commercial then you have NO idea what your missing. Oh, or the hybrid people who have the flushable inserts (still sposeing I think!). Then there is the people who only use prefolds because they have no idea how great the other styles are. Or the only pocket user because that works for them. I am (lately) totally a fitted/AI2 snob. The fitted world is highly competitive right now and expensive and SO CUTE and fantastic because a well made fitted does not require a cover AND does not use PUL so it's very environmentally friendly. I also dig prefolds but I have yet to find one that I don't need a cover for so PUL. I am also working to be as environmentally friendly as possible and fitteds are fitting in with that. :)

How much does foreskin cost?

Sometimes I feel like a shitty intactivist. Did you know that they sale your baby's foreskin to labs to test products on and include in skin creams? Just google 'foreskin skin creams'. I will provide links if you need them. You sign a consent form for them to do with it whatever they want. You thought medical waste, right? NOPE, it's big business. No wonder doctors, hospitals and those in health care ONLY IN THE USA are standing in line to cut your baby's penis up.

Don't be shy, say HI!

I do wish my readers would take an opportunity on this post and introduce themselves. It's weird to me that I share my inner most thoughts to complete strangers...probably better that way, lol since sharing them with my loved ones usually gets me in trouble. I just wish I knew who read, that's all.

So if your not too shy then please say hi!

Skip to my Lou, my darlin' (yeah, I'm skipping around)

I usually have a very healthy outlook of myself. There is a person on my FB (yes, I'm going to bitch about FB AGAIN) who wrote as her status something like 'Would you rather work out an hour a day or be dead 24 hours a day?'. First off, that's really dumb. Second, there are people that work out who die young. Third, you can be healthy without working out for an hour a day. I know what she was trying to say but seriously she is such a work out snob. I have friends on my FB who work out or run...and they are enthusiastic about it but they don't tell me I'm gonna die if I don't. That's just dumb. I don't like her. She's Foy's cousin. I'll probably keep her on my page but I don't like her.

I also saw today that some woman is gonna love herself no matter what BUT she did lose 26 lbs and works out 5 days a week. SMH. I won't tell her so but that but just defeated her. If you have to lose weight or work out to love yourself then your already climbing the wrong damn tree. I mean, it's great to do those things but your body size should not be tied into your self worth. I really like to focus on being healthy and not losing weight. I hate women with weight issues. Lose weight or stfu. Then again that's how I feel about most issues. JUST DO IT.

On a semi-related topic, I was talking with my brother, Cash about how he has to get away when he's 18. He's gonna have a road to climb and it might not be easy but unless he wants to be ruled by Mom for the rest of his life then he's gonna have to get out. I talked about my struggle and my road out. He said, "Man, you must be mentally tough.". You know what, I am. I never really thought of putting it that way. I know I'm tough on people. I don't stand for bull shit. I don't make excuses. I won't listen to them whine. I feel like I'm not sympathetic enough....but I'm mentally tough. I don't let myself use stupid excuses. I ride myself just as roughly as I ride other people. I like to get to the bottom line while other people are still trying to soften the blow. I don't know why I'm this way. I feel like Sheldon, lol. I don't get what the norm is ....well, I do but mostly I don't get WHY we have to do some of the things we do. I totally get him (this is a Big Bang reference BTW which I'm obsessed with lately). Bazinga!

I'm a little disappointed in a couple of my diaper purchases lately. I got ordered 3 customs from 2 different WAHM's and they are taking FOREVER. I'm kinda done with customs after this! I'm finally suppose to be getting one next week but we'll see. I asked about the other one and she said sending them out the beginning of next week so hopefully I'll get two next week and one is a little farther out and it's the one I wanted badly. They are kinda turning me off and frustrating me.

Anyways, it's late and I've had a long day with Ezra. He is doing some serious teething. He took a couple naps but he's fussy and I had a hard time getting him to sleep. We had a rough night last night and I'm expecting one again tonight.

We had plans this weekend but they didn't work out. :( I'm pretty bummed about it but I do hope that at least maybe I could get some time away from home without the kids. I could really use a break....just for a drink or a movie or both. Even if I could get my nails done or maybe go shopping for a few minutes. Just anything would be good for my psyche.

I have NO sex drive lately. It's horrible. I'm pretty sure it's the breastfeedings fault. I mean after the other 3 kids I got it back pretty quick but now I have zero, zilch, nada, NONE. I have had low sex drive at points during my 10 years of marriage but I've never had none, til now that is. I feel bad for Foy. Any time we have had it, it's been pity sex and I was really just ready to get it over with before it started. I think this is probably biology, nature, whatever you wanna call it's way of spacing our children apart. I haven't gotten my period back (THAT IS SO FREAKIN' AWESOME!) and I have no drive. Not that we're getting pregnant again anyways but there is no chance this way, lol. Plus we always use condoms because I'm not dumb and I know that I can still be ovulating while not bleeding.

It's late. I don't have time to proofread this. I need to hurry to bed so Foy won't pressure me for sex when he gets home. That's sad, I know. I can't help it.