Didymos Malawi Fiches and my J-O-B. :)

I'm getting paid. I'm getting paid! haha. Just 25$ a month but it's for what I would be doing anyways. I was asked to mod my due date group and they will pay me 25$ a month for 50 posts or replies. Should be simple enough. They'd like for me to spend 20 minutes a day and try to be on 5 or 6 days in a week. Other than the amount of posts though there aren't any rules and there is room for bonuses. I have an online friend who gets a check from Google for her youtube site and she also fills out surveys for money. They just put it in your pay pal account but I'd totally take it. It would give me a little money to blow on diapers and wraps.

I got a Didy Malawi Fiches the other day. I like it. It's soft, floppy and broken in already. Here are a few crappy pics I took. I'm still not getting the back carry. Foy is suppose to be off Sun, Mon and Tues so we are definitely gonna practice. I'm not sure I like back carry's yet anyways. I tried him on my back in the Ergo and he was fussy and I couldn't soothe him since he was behind me. I won't give up on it yet though. I think I needed to make some adjustments. He was too low. Anyways, the malawi fiches...

You can't really see the fishies but it's purple and green and has fishies on it. I'll try to get a close up pic soon. 

Ask nicely please.

Someone on my FB who is marrying a complete loser (but it's really not my place to tell her so) just updated her status with "Inbox me your address or I'll assume you don't want an invite to this awesome wedding for a princess". UH, yeah, I'm gonna get right on that shit.

Can you say TACKY? If you want to send me an invite or a Christmas card or.....anything you need to ask for my address. Plain and simple.

 She acts like she's doing ME a favor giving me an invite when I'd be doing her a favor if I came. Or that's how I see it. :p

She had an abortion.

My sister had an abortion...or at least I think she did. I haven't really asked her if she went through with it but I assume if she hadn't then she would have told me so. I'll start at the beginning.

I would show you copies of the texts but I deleted them for her safety. My Mom, kids or brother could have got ahold of them. They are always snatching my phone. I texted her asking if she had some baby items I needed for Ezra. I was specifically asking about a baby bathtub because he is still not sitting up good (he especially wasn't then) and he's too small for the big one. I didn't want to have to drag a bathtub all the way to Texas in my car for no reason. She said she did and then she said she had to tell me something and that text probably wasn't best but that she was pregnant and having an abortion.

I've always considered myself pro-choice. If you had asked me before this moment then I would have definitely said I was. I immediately went off a little about why the FUCK wasn't she taking birth control..while admitting that it was a little late. I asked her if she was going alone or if she had told our step-sister (actually ex step sister). She said the Father or her boyfriend or whatever he is was going and she had NOT told Jamie. I figured she didn't tell Jamie because Jamie has tried off and on for years to conceive and can't. I'm not sure how she would have reacted. I urged her to find a reputable doctor and not some back alley hack and that's when she said that it wasn't what I thought. It is called a medical abortion. If you are 5 weeks then  you take a pill and essentially it makes you miscarry. You have to go in and have an ultrasound to check how far along you are and get 5 hours of counseling. You come back the next day and if you are still going to do it then you get the pill. I wanted to be supportive of her so I didn't have much else to say. I did urge her to make sure this was HER choice and that she wasn't being pressured and that I would support her. And I told her that I would help her if she wanted to keep it and that I know our Mother would too. She begged me not to tell our Mother and I promised I wouldn't. If our Mother knew she would disown her. She would....hate her. It would forever change their relationship.

I wish I had been there..in person when she told me. I could have read her, her body language...I could have seen if I really thought it was what she wanted or if she was just doing it to please this man. She is so....easily influenced. I should know. I've been bossing her around for years. I was told by my online group that lots of women have regrets and it sorta ruins their whole lives. I read story after story about this.

I tried not to think about it. It's her life. It's her choice.......right? I saw her a few days after I got there and about 2-3 days after she would have taken the pill. I felt.......angry with her. I felt disappointed with her. I mean this is completely preventable! Why would she go to these extremes? She is the person I would think least capable of even thinking of an abortion much less following through with it. She had problems conceiving my nephew. (She has an 18 month old and is recently divorced.) She is more religious than me. She has always been so sensitive and caring. She loves children. It seems like I would have been more likely to be have done it or to be in the situation. I was always careful with my birth control but there might have been a time ...when I was single and 19 and I made some really bad choices that I might have had one. I don't know if I could have followed through. Thankfully I was never in that situation. I had a friend who had one but it's different when it's your friend and when it's your sister...your nephew or niece she is aborting.

I think after having had a child...that I could never do that. I just don't know. If I were a victim of rape...maybe. I just don't know. I don't want to be sanctimonious about it.

From the beginning I didn't feel like I had anyone to confide in and didn't know what to think or say. I still feel like it's something that I'm keeping at arms length...that I can't seem to fully process. It's too late to do anything. I don't want her regret to be mine. I did the right thing, right? I said the right things?

I think I'm still pro-choice. I'm just sad. Abortion isn't for me ...and I didn't think it was for her. I don't know if I can ever feel the same for her. We've never been especially close anyways and now I feel like I don't even know her. This guy is not a forever kind of guy. He's just one guy on her radar. One guy she's looking to 'save' her or marry her. That's a whole other story though. One I don't have the emotions for tonight.

I ask that if your a family member or friend of our family and you read this to please not judge her harshly and please keep your pie hole shut. This is a very sensitive subject and information like this could ruin someones life. I don't mean to ruin her life. I just wish I knew that at least this decision was hard for her. Not as easy as she made it sound.

I just don't know.....I don't know. :(

Just a Vent.

I sold one of my friends some clothes and because she is my friend and because she sorta made me feel shitty about pricing things too high, I gave her a good deal. I see on a swap (that she may not know I am on) that she is selling some of the clothes....which is fine. She may have got them home, tried them on her daughter and they didn't work for whatever reason BUUUT she's selling them for MORE than I sold them to her! I don't remember EXACTLY what I priced everything but there was this one Easter dress in particular that I remember I charged her 5 bucks and she's charging 8. It's not the money of the thing. It's really the principle. I am trying to let it go and not be petty but I keep seeing it in my newsfeed and getting p.o.ed all over again.

Zen Ginger. Calm Ginger. Think happy thoughts Ginger.

BEST. INTERNET. DAY. EVER.

I was featured on kellymom.com on FB. I sent her 4 of my pictures from bfing in my wrap and she picked two and made this. I also sent the four pics to "Respect the Breast" and "The Skeptical Mother". I was overwhelmed with the positive replies and shares for the most part. I was honestly expecting MORE negative ones. The kellymom rep even said that I should expect the ignorant (she didn't use that word but we both know...) replies like 'she's showing too much breast' blah blah. I told her that was ok. I am a pretty secure person. Sometimes too secure. No, I didn't say that last sentence but it's true. I got over 1000 likes, almost 40 shares and over 100 comments. *blissful sigh* Honestly this helps me even more to feel no shame. I was disappointed that not ONE SINGLE FAMILY member supported me by liking the photo or commenting. I was disappointed though not surprised. They are notorious formula feeders who wish I would cover up more. I'm sure my Mom is cringing every time she passes this pic in my newsfeed and I can't say that doesn't make me a little bit happy. Take that Momma! Nursing cover, whhaaaaat? I'll show my boob to the entire internet, what what. NOW let's talk about what I need to cover. HA. 

 Www.kellymom.com was instrumental INSTRUMENTAL in my bfing success. She is the go-to online source. I have such admiration for her site. Her site, my online support group, the books I read and the lactation consultant were instrumental. Supply  and demand. Supply and demand. Supply and demand. I just had to keep saying it. Even now I have to say to myself "all that matters is diaper count" and just keep repeating. We have it so ingrained in us to distrust our bodies and our breasts. God knows how we thought we made it this far on just the boob juice. I got amazing support for this photo and my other bfing post in my online community. Those ladies really know how to make a girl feel special. If it wasn't for them I wouldn't see bfing as so normal. I'm so tired tonight. Perhaps I can elaborate on how I feel tomorrow. If I had to pick a word I'd go with 'euphoric'. It feels nice to accomplish a goal you set for yourself.
I showed the kids my online support for my photo and they were blown away too. They think I'm pretty damn awesome. The whole internet can admire me and that's a drop in the bucket to what it feels like to impress my kids. :))

Didy ACTION

I got my Didy. I've been trying to get him in a successful back carry and I am just not getting it. I tried on my bed and in front of the mirror. He wiggles too much, straightens his legs and gets irritated with me. I'm not done trying but I need Foy to help me. I've watched a ton of videos already. I WILL PREVAIL. I did wear him in the front just to introduce him to the new wrap. He was getting tired of me trying a back carry and honestly I just wanted to be successful at something and I know I can front carry in FWCC so I did.

Pardon how I look like crap, this is Ezra in a FWCC.  (front wrap cross carry)

From the side. 

                                        

Me and the kids. <3 bling="bling" checking="checking" ezra="ezra" from="from" his="his" is="is" jewelry.="jewelry." life.="life." loves="loves" mom="mom" my="my" new="new" out="out" smart="smart" td="td" teething="teething">

Just for fun, this is me in the Mei Tai. I have started using it around the house quite a bit. I hope to use it on my back soon. 

Breastfeeding in a size 8 Didymos Aqua Waves woven wrap with size M cups. That's right, they DO make cups that big! It can be done! I am proof. It may not be pretty or very discreet, lol but it can be done. And if we were in public I could throw my cover over or just something over my boob and not over him cuz he isn't loving a cover. I was just so happy I could do it. Don't mind the bitten lip, lol. That me concentrating on the pic.

When I was trying to take a pic of me nursing in the wrap, Ezra caught a glimpse of himself in the phone. He loves to look at his own face which is funny. I told his Dad that he not only looks like him but acts like him. So vain! lol. In love with his own face. I love his face too. :)

He was loving the wrap and loving outside. He's my sweet sugar. 

I bought a Didy! I bought a Didy!

I bought a Didymos wrap! I don't have time for much of a post but I'm so excited for a new wrap...well, my first woven. I can't wait to get it and try all sorts of new carries with it. It was put in the mail today so I should have it soon. I also am looking into becoming a CBE (Certified Babywearing Expert) and getting a lending library started. I would LOVE to have one. I am well on my way with the carriers I have so far. I think I may have traded my cloth diaper addiction in for a babywearing addiction. Which kinda sucks because they are way more expensive, lol! Now I'm gonna have to sale some diapers so I can afford a new wrap. I already have some must haves on my list. Maybe I should try a Girasol next......or a Natibaby....or......

I will make sure and post action shots when I get it. I am off to google videos about wrapping. I have a few recommendations for sites and videos to frequent. I just love looking at this wrap. It's Aqua Waves 100% cotton. Next maybe I want a cotton/linen one or maybe a cotton/hemp one. I really like the sound of the silk blends but I heard they are hard to take care of. 

I also got the Mei Tai to work for us today. I'll try to add pics tomorrow. 

UGH, tomorrow. I have so much to do. Mainly washing clothes and diapers. UGH UGH.