He likes me better...

So I forgot to mention that while my MIL was in and she made the tuna salad that she made two portions because she wanted some with sweet relish and I usually make it with dill pickles chipped up...anyways, Foy tried both kinds and declared he liked it the way I make it better. How silly is it that I felt a bit smug? Then again he could have realized that he has to live with me and said that just to make me happy (though I swear I wouldn't have cared)...well, not much anyways. ;)

Sizing charts to help me hide my size, NO THANK YOU.

So I bought some new clothes via Maurices. I REALLY like their clothes and was excited to find out that they sold plus sizes. I really hate that term by the way. It's like when Kylie's preschool termed her 'typical'. Well, my size should just be MY size and not plus. What's up with that? And there is nothing typical about my Kylie-bug. She's extraordinary in EVERY way (why am I writing in caps so much?). Anyways, but instead of actually listing the size in the clothes they have a sizing chart that corresponds to a number. So if you look in my clothes then I wear a size 2, lmao. I mean like I don't know I'm overweight or I should be ashamed of the size of my clothes. Their 'regular' size clothes are normal..no special sizing charts for them. It's such BS. Look, I'm not ashamed of the size clothes I wear and something about them doing this makes me feel like I should be. I just found it slightly annoying. That's all I wanted to say...it ANNOYED me.

MIL, Tattoos, Vaca's, Ipad's and FUN.

Oh lord, I don't know where to begin. My MIL visited....When I mention a visit ppl always ask HOW I get along with her and I guess you could say alright. She's ok..she has appalling sanitation ( I swear she will leave a public restroom (the only restroom where I am IN the restroom with her) without washing her hands). *shiver* She made some tuna fish because I didn't have time to go in the kitchen and make it because I was packing for the kids for our trip. I didn't WANT her in my kitchen but it just worked out that way and then I refused to eat the tuna all vaca and luckily the kids don't like it. I can't help it! All I could think about was her lack of hand washing..ick!

I got a tattoo. I like it but I didn't know until after I got the tattoo that ink 'migrates' more on the foot, which is like where it gets fuzzy looking so it needs touch-ups and re-does more often.  It also does that on the face and hands faster than other parts of the body. It requires extra care and caution during the healing process which is a bit different than other parts of the body.I ALSO did not know until right before I got it that the foot is one of the most painful places to get a tattoo. After all this was my FIRST tattoo and that was kinda like jumping in FULL blast, if you know what I mean. After reading up on foot tats I can't help but feel a bit smug and proud of myself for enduring the pain. It's a bit like a badge of courage that's visible to everyone when my other 'badges' aren't, meaning the figurative ones not the literal ones. It's like I can say "Look, what I did. I made it through 'trial by fire' and came out the other side". But in looking back, it was so typically ME. I don't like doing things by halves or in a wishy washy manner. If I'm going to do something then I'm gonna jump in with both feet firmly planted and a firm grip on reality. I picked my tattoo faster than my hubby and once I had done that and picked the spot (my foot) then I was all business. I'm not one to meander or debate. I like fast, snappy decisions in life. My husband and I are so opposite in the this way. Well, he is as prone to me to make rash decisions occasionally but he's definitely the more wishy washy one. I tend to make snap decisions and follow them through blindly (even if the wrong in my decision is pointed out). I believe in dedicating yourself to it 100% once you've decided on a course of action. Anyways, I will really like it when the swelling goes down ( a side effect of a foot tattoo). And I'm super bummed about no more water activities for pretty much the whole rest of this summer (because you can't submerge the tat).

I don't know why I'm so restless lately. I just got back from SLC on a four day mini-vaca and I'm already thinking of jettin' up to Pinedale for a little mini-vaca with the hubs. Summer does this to me I think...And I'm thinking of taking a couple weeks in August and going back to Texas to see the fam there..driving this time which might sound crazy to some (that's me, CRAZY.) but I need my car...it's like my turtle shell, my home away from home. I feel severely naked without it AND my house when in Texas.

We're thinking of getting an Ipad. Our desktop is pretty much adios and Foy doesn't like sharing the laptop with me. He thinks he needs his own so we thought about getting me an Ipad with memory for pics, tunes..I can access the Internet and download books like the Kindle. (How did we get to having to be a TWO computer family? It seems with every extravagance we indulge in somehow there becomes a point where we can't seeing going BACK..to whatever was BEFORE.) Then again Foy (always wanting to take it a step farther) thinks maybe we should just get a Apple laptop (like MacAir) and be done with it but then if we do that then I want a Kindle AND then I was thinking that SCREW IT..I just want a Kindle anyways SOOOOOOO..who knows what we're gonna do. I don't know why I felt like telling you, reader, of this on-going internal debate.

I think that pretty much covers anything of IMPORTANCE that is going on with me right now.

On a less literal note, I was thinking tonight about how there are different ideas of 'fun' for everyone. I had a discussion with Foy about what he thinks is fun because I had come to the conclusion that we were fighting more because he was unhappy and I love my husband and I want to make him happy so I simply asked...what will make you happy? And he doesn't know..lol...or he says, playing the PlayStation...but he said honestly, it's been so long since he had fun that he doesn't even know anymore and that made me sad. It made me real sad cuz then he asked me and I thought..I have fun ALL the time. Every day is fun for me. Spending time with my kids, doing activities with them...seeing their faces light up..THAT is fun for me. I genuinely LIKE my kids (most of the time) and I love spending time with them and they make me smile and they make me happy...how sad for him that he doesn't feel the same. I have a feeling that whatever I did though..I would find fun in. You can make lots of things fun if your just determined to have fun and patient when things are not going that way...if you are fluid and change...if you have empathy and are kind. Fun is free and to be had everywhere. I hope you find some fun today, reader... : D

No Hoochy Mamas Here

For days now I've had in mind a blog I wanted to write...I've written in my head numerous times (and talked over some of the issues with my hubby) so at this point I'm feeling a little redundant like I've been here before and already said this.

A couple of days ago I was eating lunch with the girls and some high school girls came in (I would have thought them college except they had on "Tigers Volleyball" shirts) and I was appalled at the booty shorts this girl was wearing. And that's when it dawned on me....a new chapter has started in my life..I'm sure it's been coming slowly or quickly ..I'm sure it may have been here awhile but I suddenly realized that I had arrived there. I use to see these girls and compare them to myself and now I see them and think "Does her father know she left the house in that?" and I compare them to my girls. After all they are closer to my girls age (saying they were 16--that's only 10 years older than Kylie) than they are to mine. I graduated high school 12 years ago. (REALLY?!?) I think about what I want for my girls at that age...realizing at the same time that only so much of what I want will be a factor. By the time they get that age, it will pretty much be out of my hands. I will have had to make sure that I have instilled values and morals and all the proper things to help them make decisions that are good....hopefully to NOT wear those curve hugging, tiny-bit-larger than panties shorts. I mean the other girls were tan and athletic but most of them were wearing sport shorts that were loose fitting and allowed movement and WERE SHORT but were more appropriate somehow. And I don't want you to think that in SOME ways I wasn't comparing them to me...but more like in the way of "I wish I was that age again...ah, what a great age...and most of all had my 18 year old body back (even though it was nowhere as trim or tan as theirs!)". There was another girl in the eatery. She was obviously a bookworm. Shorter, whiter, but still trim and neat ...not so stylish..but with books and a giant purse. And that's when it occurred to me ...who do I want my girls to be? What am I grooming them for? Yes, they go to dance, and soon gymnastics..they did soccer this year and Kylie is currently doing t-ball. BUT they also are in the Summer Reading program at the library and I encourage reading with the girls. We read A LOT around here and I put a big emphasis on school and learning..on reading. I bought posters for the toy room with the alphabet, sounds, number, in cursive writing...I bought books for them to work on this summer to help them next year. Lexie is going into preschool this fall (she's 4) and she can write her name, recognize almost all her numbers (she sometimes gets 3 and 8, 6 and 9 mixed up), recognize all her shapes, colors, and most of her alphabet. I encourage arts and crafts, coloring...I guess I wonder. Will they be the shy, white bookworm...will they look at those girls (if they aren't them) as I did and feel like they are less somehow...feel like they aren't as pretty or popular. I want them to feel pretty and be ....pretty popular but I don't want booty shorts and hoochy mamas. I hope that I can do better than my parents (no offense) in helping the girls feel beautiful as they are. Because that shy, white bookworm might think she's getting the crappy end of the deal right now but just wait. She will grow her wings and the caterpillar will be a beautiful butterfly (with a big brain and lots of opportunities).I guess what I'm trying to say is some of what I'm doing now is going to make a difference and I hope I'm doing the right things. I hope I'm setting the right standards and teaching the girls modesty and niceness and to be fair and sweet and ethical and.....so much. I hope.......I try....we'll see....I monitor more than other parents I see..what they watch on TV which I think has a big part of it. The girls don't watch iCarly or Hannah Montana (unless it's been by accident). I want them to have GOOD role models and I haven't made my mind up about those girls yet...we don't need another Britney Spears incident, now do we. A whole generation of pre-teeners looking up to her and now LOOK.

In closing (I promise I'm closing), I just don't wanna make too many mistakes. I want to be a good parent. I want something in between the shy bookworm and the hoochy mama tan goddess....I want my girls to be themselves. I want them to love themselves and to know that they are loved. Live by a set of values and don't let anyone sway them or give into popularity or the general opinion. I want them to think for themselves and make their own paths. I want them to be happy.

My Old Love...My First Love..

So I bought two books tonight...it's been too long. I do SO love to read and it seems lately with LIFE getting in the way I've had little time for my long lost love ....my fav pastime, reading. I sat on the aisle at Kmart and thought long and hard about my book selection. Since I haven't done it in so long I don't want to waste my time with drivel. I almost selected "Tuesdays with Morrie". I know I'm a little late on this gravy train. I guess I've resisted reading it because EVERYONE was. I try so hard to make up my own mind, live my life according to my rules...and defy the general public that sometimes (out of stubbornness mostly) I rebel against something (like reading a novel that everyone is raving about) when if I'd care more about making up my own mind instead of just being stubborn I might actually like it. I regress. So there I stood in the aisle and I read a couple of pages of "Tuesdays with Morrie" and was spellbound. I didn't want to put it down even to buy it but I closed it and found a couple of other books that sounded good "Water for Elephants" and "Sarah's Key" and ultimately I put "Tuesdays with Morrie" down and selected the other two. I WILL read it though...the next chance I get. Who knows when that will be?! Well, if the weather stays as rainy and dreary as this weekend has been I shall have lots of time for staying inside and reading.

The girls have dance class tomorrow...for the month of June so far anyways. I'm going to look into getting them with a different dance studio because this one is SO expensive. I've had two in town recommended to me. But they are excited, so of course, so am I.

Grow UP--FOR REAL!!!

So recently two ...acquaintances that are 30 and over wrote something along the lines of these two comments: Person A: I'm finding my own place soon. It's time I became a big girl." Person B: "It's time to sit down and figure out what I really want out of life."

All I wanna say is .....REALLY? Just NOW it's time? How can you be over 30 years old WITH a child and still live in your parents house and expect anyone to take you seriously...especially a man. I mean **sarcasm alert** MEN really love it when they have to drop you off at your door step and see your parents peeping through the curtains to see your goodnight kiss. REALLY?! And boy-o, is it EVER time to figure out what you need out of life when your life is almost half over and you have a couple kids. If your just now sitting down to figure that out then you should have grew up a long time ago.

And another thing, I'm tired of ppl whining about everyone being in their business when they publish their business on the WORLD WIDE WEB. Don't do that if you want it private!! For example (this is an ACTUAL example of an ACTUAL PERSON and event that comes to mind), don't post one day that your divorcing your husband and then the next day post about how everyone needs to stay out of your business and not create problems with your marriage. Seems to me like you should have counted to ten (or a hundred) and took a couple of deep breathes (or got a good nights sleep) before you posted that you were divorcing him.

In the spirit of fairness, I've been known to post when in the heat of the moment and regret it later so I can see how it would be done but you can BET that if I posted I was getting a divorce then I damn sure would (if only to save face ;).

I feel more comfortable posting in the heat of the moment on my blog than in my other virtual worlds. ;) Facebook and Myspace don't seem the right mediums. Maybe because when I post something I feel fervently about it requires more than the allotted word space that those two sites give me.

GLEEful Thoughts

I laughed, I cried, I danced, I sang, I loved, I hated, I fell to the depths of despair and rode the clouds of ecstasy. I felt the first beats of love, I felt love endured, love not given a chance, loves unfulfilled promise, love so great it requires you to make choices that hurt you but give new chances to the one you love...THIS is why I watch "Glee". And this is just one episode. ;)

Other thoughts I had about last nights season finale:

Sue's Sylvester's heart grew two sizes last night.

Quinn sure recovered FAST! Craziness... And her 'labor' was much too pretty as TV labor often is but I did love the symbolism in the song and dance that accompanied it.

I love a show that's about teenagers in a show choir in Ohio.... What does that say about me?

The world was ripe for a show like "Glee" after all the sing and dance reality talent shows out there. ex. American Idol, So You Think You Can Dance, America's Got Talent, etc.